Still Up

From all the sleeping I did today,
I'm wide awake now!
It's like two in the morning.
No work or school tomorrow.
Just mass whenever I feel like going.
So that's good I guess.
I need to pick a topic for my senior thesis.
No idea.
I don't know why I can't sleep.
I really want a healthy sleep schedule.
I guess that's why I'm sick.
I can't work all day
and have 1/2 a goodnight sleep.
It's tiring.
It won't be good if it keeps up.
There's so many things going through my mind.
Sigh.

Sick

I'm on my period.
I'm tired from wacked up sleep schedules.
The weather is freakinshly cold.
I have dry skin.
Irritation areas on my cheeks.
Makes me look like a drunk from the redness on my cheeks.
Keep putting on lotion, but it kinda burns.
And I'm sick.
Slept the whole day and still feel tired.
I literally stayed in bed all day.
Not a good Saturday.
I need to get better soon.
I have another whole week to survive.

Sleepy thoughts

I can't sleep.
Had a nice night.
At least I know I have one friend.
well, maybe more than one.
They both came out today.
One intentionally invited.
while the other thought about me.
was very kind to return my notes.
without me asking.
the other,
it's been a while
since we had a good talk.
So it was good.
I have work at eight.
going back to sleep.
I hate waking up
in the middle of the night.
I'm trying to normalize
my sleep schedules.
hit the sack before midnight.
but wake up 4-5 in the am.
sigh*
I hope I fall alseep soon
alarm is set at 6:45

Solitude

Solitude is a state of seclusion or isolation, i.e. lack of contact with people or love. It may stem from bad relationships, deliberate choice, contagious disease, disfiguring features, repulsive personal habits, mental illness, or circumstances of employment or situation (see castaway).

Short-term solitude is often valued as a time when one may work, think or rest without being disturbed. It may be desired for the sake of privacy.

A distinction can be made between physical and mental seclusion. People may seek physical seclusion to remove distractions and make it easier to concentrate, reflect, or meditate. However, this is not necessarily an end in and of itself. Once a certain capacity to resist distractions is achieved, people become less sensitive to distractions and more capable of maintaining mindfulness and staying inwardly absorbed and concentrated. Such people, unless on a mission of helping others, don't seek any interaction with the external physical world. Their mindfulness is their world, at least ostensibly

Solitude
I looked it up on wikipedia(above)
I think that's what I wanted to do for a while.
I want to hide away.
I can't face the world yet.
I'm scared and worried
I really need to focus anyway
Especially at the end;
the next beggining.
I'm lonely. All alone.
But I find it's where I belong
at this point of my life.
I really need to let it go.
Nothing and no one can hold me back.
My fears, failures, and any hopes left.
Forget the sad ways of my life

I need to accept who I am.
I'll never change as much as I want to
I'll always be unattached
I'll never be in too deep.
I'm at my best when I'm alone.
I'm not perfect.
I just found one of the beiggest things missing in my life.
friends.
I don't have any.
not any real ones.
And it's not surprising.
It's my fault really.
I never let myself open to people.
I have before, at one point of my life.
But there's pain, betrayal, and heartache intertwined.
With Love & Pain.
I wanted to spare those feelings and always kept protective.
But now I realize it's impossible.
To have one without the other.
It's how I deal with relatioships.
relationships between lovers, between friends, between family
all are different but yet shares the most important key
trust.
I never trusted myself with someone else.
especially friends
last time I trusted another person I got hurt
not once but two three times to many
over and over again.
I'm tired of keeping relationships.
I guess I'm a coward for giving it up.
and not trying.
I don't blame anyone for disliking me
I'm disliking myself for that.
But whatever.
I'll be okay.

Stop The Habits

Turn it off.
Don't even look at it anymore.
Let it go.
Seriously, Let Go.
Erase, Avoid, Ignore.
Out of sight, Out of Mind.
There's nothing you can do anymore.
It's out of your control.
I think you're going a little crazy.
Get Over It!!!!