2/14/2007

2:02 AM 2/14/2007
Today's valentine's day. i have a test tomorrow. =(. i'm going to fail it. And also, Biology to study for. I'm am so going to cram it. The O.C. is so good. But i have to really study and cut back on it. I have to much at stake. =(. I miss liem alot. That boy doesn't even care about me. I'm kinda mad at him, for not calling or emailing or anything. Is he even my boyfriend? =( I really want to have a boyfriend, not like him. He's beginning to be a bad one. I give him so many chances too. Am i doing something wrong? is he trying to tell me something? like he wants me to break up with him? the thought of it makes me hurt a little. The heviness in the chest. It's deep. I can't break up with him. It's too sad. I'll hurt alot. it's sad just to even think about this. On valentine's day too! does my boyfriend even like me anymore? why is he still with me? and treats me like i'm not his girlfriend. I don't care. he can do whatever he wants. I mean, I do care. but I can't make him do anything he doesn't want. where is this relatinship going? no where. it's not even growing. Not even there anymore. it's like we've already broken up. damn that feeling again. damn, i think we slowly are. and it hurts. i don't wanna cry. plus i have chemistry tomorrow. and biology to start cramming for. Why? i thought liem was the one. why am i always hurt even when i'm with him? this feeling is too much. it's sad, overwhelming, so powerful in its good and bad ways. so strong. so emotional. so miserable. but so desired. i felt this feeling before. when i was in lafayette and all i could think about was liem. the time i went to delgado and think about him everyday and he doesn't even know it. I think about him all the time. and i still do now. The thing is HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW. I keep hiding my feelings for him from him. I've been holding back. he hasn't even kiss me or anythign yet. there must be a reason why he hasn't tried. he doesn't liek me. =( that tinge of feeling came back a little again. It's slowly stabbing my heart everytime i realize something about liem and me. we're just not meant to be together. there it goes again. that feeling. I'm so sad. the last time was the day before my birthday. i wanted to break up with him that day. even when if its on my birthday. i didn't care because i needed the truth. he didn't say much. he told me not to spend alot of money. but that's not the point. it's because i want to. And if i don't have money i add a little extra love or creativeness or somethign special to make up fo rit. he doesn't think that way. I kinda asked him if he was busy this weekend. he didn't say. so i guess that means he doesn't have time ot go otu with me. or else he would have suggested to do something or have an idea what we could do. but nothing. he doesn't want to celebrate valentine's. maybe he's being a guy and says that hallmark made up this holiday because of money. why are guys like that? that's why they're losers no matter what. i guess the girls are too for making valentine's overrated. i guess love is too? that can't be true, i hope not. if it is, it's going to be sad, just like this feeling no love in the world. and the hope that it's there. but not, but really is. It's all so frustrating. maybe liem doesn't know. am i lying to myself to defend him? maybe he really does know, but have no reason to act upon it because he really doesn't love me in that kind of way everyone desires. maybe i'm just not the one. maybe. this feeling again. it hurts. i'm going to sleep goodnight.2:28 AM 2/14/2007

Hanh and Bao's Wedding

Congratulations to Bao and Hanh!
February 10, 2007

 

2/12/2007

Well, I finished my physics homework and watched The O.C. and went online and cleaned the house a little. I'm working tomorrow. I sent a little message to Liem on myspace. He sent me a message last week, but it's about his school work and tutor. He has two tests on Valentine's. In other words, he won't have time to spend that day with me. It's okay. I have tests too. I have one on Valentine's and the one the day after. I really need to start studying. Which I will tomorrow. I did the HW on Chem 1018 too. Just waiting on the quiz soon. And the test scheduled for Wednesday (Valentine's). So sad, I miss him. But it's okay. Should we break up? Because technically we're not together. But we still are. Hmm.. It's weird. I still like him, just busy with school, both of us. Hanh's wedding was cool. A nice break for me from school. Hoa went home so early this morning, she had to open her store. I'm glad for her. I hope her business does good. Julie called me today. She asked me how to sing a song we used to sing in the convent. I want to post pictures up but It's so much pictures. And I can't imagine the time and work I have to put into it and sit there at the computer just loading pictures. Urgh. Is all the pictures taking all the space on my laptop? Probably so. I need Storage. That's where all my pictures meed to go. To the storage space on my free acounts like webshots, photobucket, facebook, and xanga. all those site lets me have storage space for free and I can access it anytime. Major thing is it's free! I just need internet to access it. And plus, I need to write journals like this and store it to a free journal site like xanga, livejournal, blogspot, and myspace. But it's like out there in the internet. My thoughts, can be tapped into by someone. I don't know. I'm going to sleep soon. Goodnight. F5 means date and time...12:27 AM 2/12/2007

Blabing

Well, I finished my physics homework and watched The O.C. and went online and cleaned the house a little. I'm working tomorrow. I sent a little message to Liem on myspace. He sent me a message last week, but it's about his school work and tutor. He has two tests on Valentine's. In other words, he won't have time to spend that day with me. It's okay. I have tests too. I have one on Valentine's and the one the day after. I really need to start studying. Which I will tomorrow. I did the HW on Chem 1018 too. Just waiting on the quiz soon. And the test scheduled for Wednesday (Valentine's). So sad, I miss him. But it's okay. Should we break up? Because technically we're not together. But we still are. Hmm.. It's weird. I still like him, just busy with school, both of us. Hanh's wedding was cool. A nice break for me from school. Hoa went home so early this morning, she had to open her store. I'm glad for her. I hope her business does good. Julie called me today. She asked me how to sing a song we used to sing in the convent. I want to post pictures up but It's so much pictures. And I can't imagine the time and work I have to put into it and sit there at the computer just loading pictures. Urgh. Is all the pictures taking all the space on my laptop? Probably so. I need Storage. That's where all my pictures meed to go. To the storage space on my free acounts like webshots, photobucket, facebook, and xanga. all those site lets me have storage space for free and I can access it anytime. Major thing is it's free! I just need internet to access it. And plus, I need to write journals like this and store it to a free journal site like xanga, livejournal, blogspot, and myspace. But it's like out there in the internet. My thoughts, can be tapped into by someone. I don't know. I'm going to sleep soon. Goodnight. F5 means date and time...12:27 AM 2/12/2007

2/9/07

Good Lord i'm blind and can't type. I'm So stressed out from school. Dear Jesus, I would like to pray tonight. In written from. So that I can change and make the things i want to say clearer. There's so much. but i want to start with you. How are you? Good? yes? No? Maybe so? That's from Kim slaughter my organic recitation proctor. I'm doing okay in there. I want to do better though. I tried studying... but it wasn't enough. i was dissappointted in myself. i got the right answer but then i changed it, to the wrong one! that was ten points man! i could have made an 81. I know i haven't prayed much, i mean.. truly prayed. i tried do the rosary last night. i couldn't sleep.. i was thinking so much and i am tonight too. so i thought, all that time i could have been praying, it helps me fall asleep too. and it helped take my worries away. thanks. can i do it jesus? handle all these courses? it's not easy, and i'm too lazy. i can do much better. please keep me focused and determined to know the material so well, i can breeze through the test in confidence. That's alot to ask for, but knowing the material is good. I need to pray for alot of people. So Dang is one. I love her, even though she's far away and i haven't spoken to her, i know she thinks of me and prays for me once in a while. probably on our bdays. I want to pray for my family. we're going through a rough patch. i hope everything will be okay. i know it will, but it's not easy. i need to be like liem, cut back on spending. we're not rich. i miss that dork. but i'm fine. school is taking over me. we don't spend alot of time like we used to. i can't anyway. he's busy with school too. This weekend is chi Hanh's wedding! I hope for the best to them. May they love each other always. i have a huge zit. now it's a scar. but i do like how the rest of my face feels. it's very smooth. i have another day of schooling tomorrow and work. Thanks for reading my thoughts jesus, have a goodnight.