Step One

Quiet.
Relax.
It's going to be okay.
There's always a start,
to anything worthwhile.
Gracefully and quietly,
do your thing.
Be yourself.
Do what you want to do.

Seriously Ranting

I need a new place to write.
To write whatever and however I want.
There's no need for others to understand it
but mostly for me to release it.
I'm not a brilliant writer or anything.
I just want to write.
And here is where I want to do it.

Fantasy World

I think I'm suffering from a heavy dosage of indulgence from reading one of the best saga this decade. It is my escape from reality. My Fantasy World. It makes me forget about everything around me that I forget the time and even lose hours of sleep. And when I'm not reading, all I can think about is Edward and Bella. Silly, I know!! It's such a page turner. I haven't felt that excited over a book since my Nora Roberts days. And It's been years. I can't believe I finished four books in less than three weeks plus a 12 chapter supplement to Twilight from Edward's POV online. I wish it lasted longer. Talk about obsession over fiction. I'm head over heels for this character. But soon enough, I must put the book down and come back to reality. I couldn't have received a better Christmas present this year. I think I've spent my break doing something I really love. I love reading books for fun and not for studying purposes. I miss doing quiet things like reading, puzzles, and sleeping! And I love listening to bookstore music while doing quiet things, especially during reading of course. They're so relaxing and calming. I recently had a chance to be introduced to Yiruma. He's such a great classical pianist artist. I felt inspired and uplifted when hearing his music. It makes me miss that feeling of the old days when things were easier, less complicated, worry free, and simply happy.
I guess it's just me and I'm getting old. That wishful feeling of being young again really gets to ya. Ah Yes, I'm in denial of getting old. I don't want to grow up. I'm going to be 24 in a few weeks. Urgh. Sometimes I forget how old I am because the number is getting higher and higher. I have to think for a while to actually answer how old I am. You know you're getting old when your younger sister have to teach you how to use a cellphone. I can't even put it on silence or turn on bluetooth without her help. Or if your older sister is trying to hook you up with somebody she knows. As if I'm getting too old and better stop dating and settle down soon. But I hope I never get too old to write. This is somewhat my escape from the world too. To write. I've been writing journals since... I can't even remember cause I'm too old now. But it's another thing I enjoy very much. I love writing journals/blogs/stories/poems. It's another quiet thing I like to do. It's a time for myself, to be alone, away from the real world. When I get older than I am right now, I want to write a Book. One day... It's on my list of things to do. Maybe I'll become like a Rowling or Meyer. *giggles* It's okay for me to keep dreaming right?
I used to always write in a real journal/notebook alot. I still do from time to time. But I never finish my fourth journal book from 2007. I used to Love writing in that journal. I pray alot through that journal too. Well, sometimes I write to God, But most of the time I write as if I'm talking to someone I really care about. But I don't anymore because I've don't have that drive for me to write for them anymore. It was another thing I love to do with my quiet time though. Anyways, writing is one of my ways of praying to God. Apart from, the second best way I pray which is ironically the total opposite, singing loudly in the shower. But I think praying is the strongest in silence. Hence sometimes I pray through writing as if I'm writing to God. But not as of this moment. I'm just writing about God. Not to Him. But he knows that. When it really gets down to praying, whole heartedly, for me is writing. And I just don't write one paragraph. It goes on and on to for couple of pages, front and back. And I start from left top corner and end on right bottom corner of the page. When I go back to read my prayers I see watermarks from my tears as I flip through them. I haven't done that in a while. I've been writing through typing alot. Yeah... I should go back to writing in my journal.... I just need to find it first.

Time Flies

The only thing that never changes is change itself.

2009 is only a few days away?! Whew* Time sure does fly by. I'm so excited for the upcoming year. So many new things and Changes. My break flew by so fast. I wish it lasted longer. I'm enjoying this break so much! In a lesuirely fashion too. I want to prolong it as much as possible. Spending time with my loved ones during the holidays are the best!! And it snowed in New Orleans! It was great to have enjoyed the beautiful scene this December for the Holidays again. I love Christmas Break. I got so many things done too. Since school was over, I had time to go shopping, got a new phone, contacts, a haircut, and catch up on my dramas and even read the Twilight saga. LOL!! I missed reading for fun so much! I haven't done that since my freshman year of college. I guess towards the end.. the courses are easier. Next semester I'll be working mostly and I only have one course and a senior thesis. So excited to get out of school soon! Then I'll have more time to go to work and get Paid Moolaaa ha ha ha! Okay I guess that was a little much. Well... There's a list of to do things I want to get to after I graduate too. And I've been adding alot of things to it. We'll see how it plays out in a few months. As for deciding what I want to do after graduation. I think I will take the boards for RDCS. A clinical affliate of the school have a good offer, I just need to pass the boards. So I've been procrastinating on the RRT boards. "sigh*" is al I have to say about that. I'm still rethinking, if I take the RDCS boards.... why should I take the RRT?! I think I should though. Since I'm young and in study mode anyways. Right?! I don't know. Then there's continuing education. That is always an open door for me whenever I want it. But the money looks pretty good right now, and the economy is not looking to good so I might as well take my chances while there're still good. I guess I'm settling into a stable job. I want to look forward to a stable future too ya know. I want to save up alot for big things. And I'm still young so I have plenty of time. I doing a little identity searching too. I'm a little naive about adult decisions and adult life. I'm a kid at heart and I don't want to grow up. But I am. So I'm doing alot of reflection about my life and the things I want to do with it and future plans. Researching about cars and houses and other hobbies and businesses for later on in life. There's so much life after school. I want to be ready for the big world. I mean, There's SO MUCH to do after school. Where do I start?! Are the things I want in life possible? Can I still be myself or do I really need to grow up alot? I still have time to think about it. Here's to 2009! I'm looking forward to it!

Board Results

If at first you don't succeed,
pick yourself up and try again.

I had a feeling I didn't too well. Especially the case with the premature infant with IRDS. It was a bunch of 'Physician Disagrees'. I was so nervous to receive my results. When the lady looked at my scores, she made a sad face and said "I was so close... all I needed was one more point." FUX! And what do you know, my weakest area was that infant IRDS case. So I guess it is true, it only take one decision to change someone's life around. I probably killed that poor little baby in the simulation. Now I know, I'm not working anywhere near NICU's. I know I can pass it. So, I'll retake it. That's alot of money I'm wasting man. It was my first time anyways. SIGH... I was so depressed at first, and majorly mad because it was only one point away. But I have encouragements to continue and try again. I was on a roll with all these Boards though. It's okay.... I'm still a Board Certified Respiratory Therapist! I passed that board on the first try. And to take the Advanced Level Repiratory Therapist Board after three months was risky. But I passed the written part on my first try too!! I guess my high hopes got the best of me. And I was overly confident going into the Clinical Simulations. I thought I knew everything. But not enough. Damn that one point. **URGH** Now I know I need more time and be more focused. I did very well on information gathering though. But the Decision Making part was tough. I was one right decision away.. =(. And I have an exam on ECG's tomorrow too. I didn't even start studying for it this whole week because I was so focused on today's Boards. But I'm so sad to even think about exams. I think I should have waited til Christmas break to take it so I can focus on it more. Man, Why didn't I just wait til Christmas break to take it?!?!?! Sigh, having Boards in betweeen all these ridculously scheduled exams and Clinical Rotations is more than I can handle. I think people call it... Biting off more than I can chew. I feel like crying man. But I'm not. Just disappointed. At least I passed the written part. Okay, enough of that stupid board results. I'm moving on. I still have to pass this semester. Now I can focus on school again. I need to make up that C I made in Cardivascular Pathophysiology. I sacrificed an exam grade to study for Boards. I can't make a bad grade in ECG either. I have to keep my A in that class. Okay enough ranting. thanks for reading.... Until I have good news, I'll be back later.


I think the saddest part about today was when my mom found out I didn't pass; not when I found out I failed it. That's when my tears came today.