Solitude

Solitude is a state of seclusion or isolation, i.e. lack of contact with people or love. It may stem from bad relationships, deliberate choice, contagious disease, disfiguring features, repulsive personal habits, mental illness, or circumstances of employment or situation (see castaway).

Short-term solitude is often valued as a time when one may work, think or rest without being disturbed. It may be desired for the sake of privacy.

A distinction can be made between physical and mental seclusion. People may seek physical seclusion to remove distractions and make it easier to concentrate, reflect, or meditate. However, this is not necessarily an end in and of itself. Once a certain capacity to resist distractions is achieved, people become less sensitive to distractions and more capable of maintaining mindfulness and staying inwardly absorbed and concentrated. Such people, unless on a mission of helping others, don't seek any interaction with the external physical world. Their mindfulness is their world, at least ostensibly

Solitude
I looked it up on wikipedia(above)
I think that's what I wanted to do for a while.
I want to hide away.
I can't face the world yet.
I'm scared and worried
I really need to focus anyway
Especially at the end;
the next beggining.
I'm lonely. All alone.
But I find it's where I belong
at this point of my life.
I really need to let it go.
Nothing and no one can hold me back.
My fears, failures, and any hopes left.
Forget the sad ways of my life

I need to accept who I am.
I'll never change as much as I want to
I'll always be unattached
I'll never be in too deep.
I'm at my best when I'm alone.
I'm not perfect.
I just found one of the beiggest things missing in my life.
friends.
I don't have any.
not any real ones.
And it's not surprising.
It's my fault really.
I never let myself open to people.
I have before, at one point of my life.
But there's pain, betrayal, and heartache intertwined.
With Love & Pain.
I wanted to spare those feelings and always kept protective.
But now I realize it's impossible.
To have one without the other.
It's how I deal with relatioships.
relationships between lovers, between friends, between family
all are different but yet shares the most important key
trust.
I never trusted myself with someone else.
especially friends
last time I trusted another person I got hurt
not once but two three times to many
over and over again.
I'm tired of keeping relationships.
I guess I'm a coward for giving it up.
and not trying.
I don't blame anyone for disliking me
I'm disliking myself for that.
But whatever.
I'll be okay.

Stop The Habits

Turn it off.
Don't even look at it anymore.
Let it go.
Seriously, Let Go.
Erase, Avoid, Ignore.
Out of sight, Out of Mind.
There's nothing you can do anymore.
It's out of your control.
I think you're going a little crazy.
Get Over It!!!!

Step One

Quiet.
Relax.
It's going to be okay.
There's always a start,
to anything worthwhile.
Gracefully and quietly,
do your thing.
Be yourself.
Do what you want to do.

Seriously Ranting

I need a new place to write.
To write whatever and however I want.
There's no need for others to understand it
but mostly for me to release it.
I'm not a brilliant writer or anything.
I just want to write.
And here is where I want to do it.

Fantasy World

I think I'm suffering from a heavy dosage of indulgence from reading one of the best saga this decade. It is my escape from reality. My Fantasy World. It makes me forget about everything around me that I forget the time and even lose hours of sleep. And when I'm not reading, all I can think about is Edward and Bella. Silly, I know!! It's such a page turner. I haven't felt that excited over a book since my Nora Roberts days. And It's been years. I can't believe I finished four books in less than three weeks plus a 12 chapter supplement to Twilight from Edward's POV online. I wish it lasted longer. Talk about obsession over fiction. I'm head over heels for this character. But soon enough, I must put the book down and come back to reality. I couldn't have received a better Christmas present this year. I think I've spent my break doing something I really love. I love reading books for fun and not for studying purposes. I miss doing quiet things like reading, puzzles, and sleeping! And I love listening to bookstore music while doing quiet things, especially during reading of course. They're so relaxing and calming. I recently had a chance to be introduced to Yiruma. He's such a great classical pianist artist. I felt inspired and uplifted when hearing his music. It makes me miss that feeling of the old days when things were easier, less complicated, worry free, and simply happy.
I guess it's just me and I'm getting old. That wishful feeling of being young again really gets to ya. Ah Yes, I'm in denial of getting old. I don't want to grow up. I'm going to be 24 in a few weeks. Urgh. Sometimes I forget how old I am because the number is getting higher and higher. I have to think for a while to actually answer how old I am. You know you're getting old when your younger sister have to teach you how to use a cellphone. I can't even put it on silence or turn on bluetooth without her help. Or if your older sister is trying to hook you up with somebody she knows. As if I'm getting too old and better stop dating and settle down soon. But I hope I never get too old to write. This is somewhat my escape from the world too. To write. I've been writing journals since... I can't even remember cause I'm too old now. But it's another thing I enjoy very much. I love writing journals/blogs/stories/poems. It's another quiet thing I like to do. It's a time for myself, to be alone, away from the real world. When I get older than I am right now, I want to write a Book. One day... It's on my list of things to do. Maybe I'll become like a Rowling or Meyer. *giggles* It's okay for me to keep dreaming right?
I used to always write in a real journal/notebook alot. I still do from time to time. But I never finish my fourth journal book from 2007. I used to Love writing in that journal. I pray alot through that journal too. Well, sometimes I write to God, But most of the time I write as if I'm talking to someone I really care about. But I don't anymore because I've don't have that drive for me to write for them anymore. It was another thing I love to do with my quiet time though. Anyways, writing is one of my ways of praying to God. Apart from, the second best way I pray which is ironically the total opposite, singing loudly in the shower. But I think praying is the strongest in silence. Hence sometimes I pray through writing as if I'm writing to God. But not as of this moment. I'm just writing about God. Not to Him. But he knows that. When it really gets down to praying, whole heartedly, for me is writing. And I just don't write one paragraph. It goes on and on to for couple of pages, front and back. And I start from left top corner and end on right bottom corner of the page. When I go back to read my prayers I see watermarks from my tears as I flip through them. I haven't done that in a while. I've been writing through typing alot. Yeah... I should go back to writing in my journal.... I just need to find it first.