7:19 PM 2/28/2007
The last day of the month. I didn't do anything productive again today. I finish my lab report and turned it in today. And guess what?! we didn't have lab either. And i got paid today 186.00. and me and thao-vi wanted to eat sushi, but it was closed until dinner time. i wanted to stay back at school today to get my test results from last time, but i went home instead. Maybe he'll bring them next exam date. Who knows. I'm not looking forward to my 61. Which is a C grade. =( i hate chemistry, and organic isn't fun either. Anyways, been watching alot of phim tau and need to start on my physics homeowrk soon. and next monday i don't have class, but i'm going to school to study too. and i will on saturday too. so friday, sat sun, and monday i have off to study for organic. but i bet you that i won't start studying until monday night. maybe tuesday. Because the test is on wednesday. But then i have too much to do. Good thing i don't have to turn in a lab report next wednesday. I have to do physics too. and hopefully this week in recitation will give me alot of things to study for organic.
I've been thinking alot about Liem too. Actually i don't want to break up with him. I think i'm fine with him right now. I feel like i have someone. and that's good right? Maybe he doesn't like me, but there's got to be a reason why he's still with me. Am i putting myself too low? Like, i make liem seem like the better person but i know i'm so much better than that. Why doesn't he see that? that He's lucky to have me as a girlfriend? He takes advantage of me. He doesn't know what he's got. And i don't feel like proving myself to him. I feel like not special around him. He's so frugal. I got to tell him next time he does that price checking thing. It was his birthday that day. i didn't want ot pick fights with him. Besides, it's small things anyways. he might say i'm makign a big deal otu of nothing. i worry too much about the small things. I'm tired and i need to do other things than write so much about nothing. 7:30 PM 2/28/2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
2/26/2007
10:22 PM 2/26/2007
Today, I'm am totally unproductive. I went to school today by myself, thao-vi skipped school. Then I went to organic lecture and took notes. Went to the women's center and played on the computer, tried to read organic text book (chapter 4). and then took a nap until time to go to work. Ate a tuna sandwich at subways and then changed my pants in the car and went to work. I worked til 8:30ish and went to taco bell and then drove home and called liem. Talked to him and went home and ate, shower and now getting ready to go to sleep. I want to watch a lil bit of chinese movie. So unproductive huh? I really wanted to study organic chem and do some homework problems or do some Gen chem Homework or start on that quiz due february 28th, which is wednesday. Last day of the month. Then i have physics homework duw sunday again, and then i have an organic test on wednesday. Wow. School is so Whoa. I don't wanna say i'm doing good in all my classes because i'm not all that great as i want to be. I want to make an a in something. I really have to study harder. i think i can do it.
There are things that really want to make me break up with liem. like the way he's very frugal. and he's an ox, who is kinda slwo and will have a miserable life. i don't know if i can deal with that. and then he doesn't treat me good. I mean he doesn't treat me badly like hit me or anything. He just doesn't treat me like a boyfriend would for his girlfriend. I don't know. Am I asking for too much? I don't think so because, if he really likes me then he should show it. I give up. I don't think i can do this anymore. He doesn't seem like he likes me. He's just whatever. I don't like it when he does that to me. I feel like an ordinary girl. he supposed to make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I want to be that girl in his life. The girl of his dreams. I want to feel like fairytales do come true and he's my one.
Today, I'm am totally unproductive. I went to school today by myself, thao-vi skipped school. Then I went to organic lecture and took notes. Went to the women's center and played on the computer, tried to read organic text book (chapter 4). and then took a nap until time to go to work. Ate a tuna sandwich at subways and then changed my pants in the car and went to work. I worked til 8:30ish and went to taco bell and then drove home and called liem. Talked to him and went home and ate, shower and now getting ready to go to sleep. I want to watch a lil bit of chinese movie. So unproductive huh? I really wanted to study organic chem and do some homework problems or do some Gen chem Homework or start on that quiz due february 28th, which is wednesday. Last day of the month. Then i have physics homework duw sunday again, and then i have an organic test on wednesday. Wow. School is so Whoa. I don't wanna say i'm doing good in all my classes because i'm not all that great as i want to be. I want to make an a in something. I really have to study harder. i think i can do it.
There are things that really want to make me break up with liem. like the way he's very frugal. and he's an ox, who is kinda slwo and will have a miserable life. i don't know if i can deal with that. and then he doesn't treat me good. I mean he doesn't treat me badly like hit me or anything. He just doesn't treat me like a boyfriend would for his girlfriend. I don't know. Am I asking for too much? I don't think so because, if he really likes me then he should show it. I give up. I don't think i can do this anymore. He doesn't seem like he likes me. He's just whatever. I don't like it when he does that to me. I feel like an ordinary girl. he supposed to make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I want to be that girl in his life. The girl of his dreams. I want to feel like fairytales do come true and he's my one.
Monday, February 19, 2007
2/19/2007
Today was new year's. I have to work tomorrow. but it's cool.gives me something to do. I crammed for the biology test and did okay i guess. it was similar to the old test which made it possible to study for and do-able. I went tet bac truong and bac quy with mom today. got ly-xi money and sang alot of karoke and ate alot of chocolate today. It was valentine's day candy on sale at big lots. i ate a small bowl of hu tieu, which surprisingly i lost an appetite for. it's just that i want to lose a lil weight since i'm walking around campus alot and school is taking alot of my pleasure sleeping time. i kinda feel like i'm skinnier. my slacks was loose on me. School helps me lose weight, not alot but it's all good. i love school, sometimes i hate it, but it's all worth it. liem called me around 9:30ish but i missed his call and didn't realize it til around ten. I'm okay without him. i been knew that. just that he's my boyfriend now, but doesn't seem like it. but in the end, i'm still into him. silly i know, but now i'm kinda glad we aren't as serious as i thought we should be. It's just a boyfriend. nothing serious, just normal i guess. i haven't talked to him since valentine's day. is that not good. i guess we're not like other couples where we do everything together. this way mom and dad are not worried that my focus is off from school and too much dating. I'm somewhat glad that me and liem are this way because of school is my first priority. and plus, liem... he still needs to learn alot about having a girlfriend, i'm patient. boy is he lucky to have me. I like him too so it's not that bad. he just doesn't treat his girlfriend like the girl of his dreams. and i'm okay with that, because in the back of my mind i sometimes think that there's someone for me out there. one day i'd feel loved by that person. maybe it'll be him but maybe not and it's okay, i'm just chilling anyways. having him as a boyfriend just makes everything a little easier to deal with when i need him. which most of the time i don't need him. he sucks at that. even if i don’t need him, if he shows that he's there anyways, it means alot.. but he doesn't. I feel like i want to show him i'd do anything for him. but he might take advantage of it and me. it make me seems desperate too. so i won't do that. A relationship is a two way compromise. and he doesn't want me to spend alot. i don't want him to come to my house yet. we're working on it... for his birthday, i wanted to make him business cards with a business card holder, but he doesn't work at that internship anymore. and he doesn't have a cell phone or office number. So, Plan B. It's still under 25 dollars and creative that i make him a cake right? If not then I'll just plan a day out with him on friday. considering he has class that day and also it's versai tet fair at night. I don't know what to do but i have five days. I'm wearing my gray contacts. It's so different. and bac truong complimented that i was pretty and he thought i was younger than thao-vi too. which is kinda funny. I'm so glad i finished my physics homework. and i started on friday too. and did some on my own without blackboard. I feel hot. I love my hair today. i used hot rollers to curl it. It looked different today. and i wore make-up and gray contatcs a whole new look. and last night's shower made my hair feel great. and also i re-dried my blanket before i went to sleep cause it was still a little wet, and it was so warm!!! It felt so good. Okay i'm going to bed now. goodnight.12:11 AM 2/19/2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
2/14/2007
2:02 AM 2/14/2007
Today's valentine's day. i have a test tomorrow. =(. i'm going to fail it. And also, Biology to study for. I'm am so going to cram it. The O.C. is so good. But i have to really study and cut back on it. I have to much at stake. =(. I miss liem alot. That boy doesn't even care about me. I'm kinda mad at him, for not calling or emailing or anything. Is he even my boyfriend? =( I really want to have a boyfriend, not like him. He's beginning to be a bad one. I give him so many chances too. Am i doing something wrong? is he trying to tell me something? like he wants me to break up with him? the thought of it makes me hurt a little. The heviness in the chest. It's deep. I can't break up with him. It's too sad. I'll hurt alot. it's sad just to even think about this. On valentine's day too! does my boyfriend even like me anymore? why is he still with me? and treats me like i'm not his girlfriend. I don't care. he can do whatever he wants. I mean, I do care. but I can't make him do anything he doesn't want. where is this relatinship going? no where. it's not even growing. Not even there anymore. it's like we've already broken up. damn that feeling again. damn, i think we slowly are. and it hurts. i don't wanna cry. plus i have chemistry tomorrow. and biology to start cramming for. Why? i thought liem was the one. why am i always hurt even when i'm with him? this feeling is too much. it's sad, overwhelming, so powerful in its good and bad ways. so strong. so emotional. so miserable. but so desired. i felt this feeling before. when i was in lafayette and all i could think about was liem. the time i went to delgado and think about him everyday and he doesn't even know it. I think about him all the time. and i still do now. The thing is HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW. I keep hiding my feelings for him from him. I've been holding back. he hasn't even kiss me or anythign yet. there must be a reason why he hasn't tried. he doesn't liek me. =( that tinge of feeling came back a little again. It's slowly stabbing my heart everytime i realize something about liem and me. we're just not meant to be together. there it goes again. that feeling. I'm so sad. the last time was the day before my birthday. i wanted to break up with him that day. even when if its on my birthday. i didn't care because i needed the truth. he didn't say much. he told me not to spend alot of money. but that's not the point. it's because i want to. And if i don't have money i add a little extra love or creativeness or somethign special to make up fo rit. he doesn't think that way. I kinda asked him if he was busy this weekend. he didn't say. so i guess that means he doesn't have time ot go otu with me. or else he would have suggested to do something or have an idea what we could do. but nothing. he doesn't want to celebrate valentine's. maybe he's being a guy and says that hallmark made up this holiday because of money. why are guys like that? that's why they're losers no matter what. i guess the girls are too for making valentine's overrated. i guess love is too? that can't be true, i hope not. if it is, it's going to be sad, just like this feeling no love in the world. and the hope that it's there. but not, but really is. It's all so frustrating. maybe liem doesn't know. am i lying to myself to defend him? maybe he really does know, but have no reason to act upon it because he really doesn't love me in that kind of way everyone desires. maybe i'm just not the one. maybe. this feeling again. it hurts. i'm going to sleep goodnight.2:28 AM 2/14/2007
Today's valentine's day. i have a test tomorrow. =(. i'm going to fail it. And also, Biology to study for. I'm am so going to cram it. The O.C. is so good. But i have to really study and cut back on it. I have to much at stake. =(. I miss liem alot. That boy doesn't even care about me. I'm kinda mad at him, for not calling or emailing or anything. Is he even my boyfriend? =( I really want to have a boyfriend, not like him. He's beginning to be a bad one. I give him so many chances too. Am i doing something wrong? is he trying to tell me something? like he wants me to break up with him? the thought of it makes me hurt a little. The heviness in the chest. It's deep. I can't break up with him. It's too sad. I'll hurt alot. it's sad just to even think about this. On valentine's day too! does my boyfriend even like me anymore? why is he still with me? and treats me like i'm not his girlfriend. I don't care. he can do whatever he wants. I mean, I do care. but I can't make him do anything he doesn't want. where is this relatinship going? no where. it's not even growing. Not even there anymore. it's like we've already broken up. damn that feeling again. damn, i think we slowly are. and it hurts. i don't wanna cry. plus i have chemistry tomorrow. and biology to start cramming for. Why? i thought liem was the one. why am i always hurt even when i'm with him? this feeling is too much. it's sad, overwhelming, so powerful in its good and bad ways. so strong. so emotional. so miserable. but so desired. i felt this feeling before. when i was in lafayette and all i could think about was liem. the time i went to delgado and think about him everyday and he doesn't even know it. I think about him all the time. and i still do now. The thing is HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW. I keep hiding my feelings for him from him. I've been holding back. he hasn't even kiss me or anythign yet. there must be a reason why he hasn't tried. he doesn't liek me. =( that tinge of feeling came back a little again. It's slowly stabbing my heart everytime i realize something about liem and me. we're just not meant to be together. there it goes again. that feeling. I'm so sad. the last time was the day before my birthday. i wanted to break up with him that day. even when if its on my birthday. i didn't care because i needed the truth. he didn't say much. he told me not to spend alot of money. but that's not the point. it's because i want to. And if i don't have money i add a little extra love or creativeness or somethign special to make up fo rit. he doesn't think that way. I kinda asked him if he was busy this weekend. he didn't say. so i guess that means he doesn't have time ot go otu with me. or else he would have suggested to do something or have an idea what we could do. but nothing. he doesn't want to celebrate valentine's. maybe he's being a guy and says that hallmark made up this holiday because of money. why are guys like that? that's why they're losers no matter what. i guess the girls are too for making valentine's overrated. i guess love is too? that can't be true, i hope not. if it is, it's going to be sad, just like this feeling no love in the world. and the hope that it's there. but not, but really is. It's all so frustrating. maybe liem doesn't know. am i lying to myself to defend him? maybe he really does know, but have no reason to act upon it because he really doesn't love me in that kind of way everyone desires. maybe i'm just not the one. maybe. this feeling again. it hurts. i'm going to sleep goodnight.2:28 AM 2/14/2007
