Sunday Epiphany

I just realized the pain in my life that Jesus warned me about two weeks ago. As I sat in the pew at the back of the church during mass this morning. I thought about my weekend... and it was one hell of a weekend, but there was only one thing that was on my mind. The second I gave into my past, the things I hoped faded away, it comes again. I had to quickly hold back my tears from falling. I can't handle the intense sadness. I thought I was going to be okay but the more I think about him and our past I'm just overwhelmed with sadness. I hate this feeling, when I thought I was over him, but suddenly, I'm back at square one. Missing him... can't think of anything else but him.... frustratingly it was just like the old days. Why do I always fall back into this state of mind. I love him but I can't be with him. I wish I can go away from it all because it's all hopelessness and failure and misery. All our memories we had rushed back into me.. and all the things that's been going in his life I'm not part of right now. The could have been, would have been, should have beens hitting me one by one. This line we created to not be friends just makes me furious. ugh. I don't even know what to write anymore. I give up. I surrender. Jesus pull me out of this misery.

And there's something else I'm so freaking worried about. I've been spotting for a whole week now. And I think it's because of my workout and diet ever since I joined the gym. I guess the stress I put on my body physically is changing more than I thought. This spotting never happened before and freaking lasting for a whole week?! This change has to be the result of a bigger change. and the only thing I can think of is the change in my diet and exercise.

Solid Weekend

So, I'm like on my period, but kinda not on it. I've been spotting. And I think it's abnormal, because usually I am very normal with my cycles. It's less than 28 days since last time. But it ranges from 23-35 days so it's okay that I've spotted early right?! Maybe I'm just high on my ovulation this month. I have to go check it out. I got out of clinics early. I mean real early, 9:30am. I went to LSBME to pick up my license for Respiratory that was sent to me in December but somehow was not "claimed" so I had to go to the office myself and get it. I'm so glad I have it. I need to get a frame and put it on my wall. I'm so proud! It's my first real license! Well, except my driving license. This one is for professional work. I filled out an application to University. But not ready to turn it in yet. WHY?! Am I crazy?! yes. I don't know. I just wish I have my RRT. Which I need to study for. It's coming up very soon. Anyways, it was so cold walking downtown to the office today and it just so happens that there was a PJ's coffee right next to it. So I got me a small latte. No sugar just foamy skim milk. Which was great!!! Ummm.. Yummy yum yum! It was a real treat for me since I've been only drinking mostly water. I love it. What to do next?! Well, I've been meaning to wash my car but it's so cold outside lately. So, I went to treat my car to a nice car wash. I went to Safari and got the whole big package deal. They cleaned inside and outside of my car. I used my rebate credit card from my cell phone rebate to pay for it. It was a good idea. Since, my car was so freaking dirty and it's too cold!! Then afterwards I went to Barnes and Nobles! My favorite place to go to read and lounge around and simply be myself. My escape from the world. Guess what are the books I picked up to read, just to read?! "What to expect when you're expecting". I know I'm kind of lame to read such a book but I've been having this gut feeling that I want to have children, like really soon. After the news from last week about Theresa being pregnant. I couldn't help to have those feelings inside me surge up too. It made me cry but yet happy?! Like almost motherly. I wanted to be in her position. I want to get married and have kids too. But I don't even have a companion to do that with yet. But whatever, until that day comes when that person finds me and makes me happy. Which, by the way, there are a couple of movies coming out soon for Valentine's day. Such a great time for dating couples!! I'm jealous! and being single doesn't make it better. I just had to get a glimpse into the raving books that are now motion pictures. One called "He's not that into you." It's from Sex and the City and I watch the whole series on DVD and really loved it. It's a big chick flick thing. I just had to read it. It's so good. It gave alot of tips for me to deal with unwanted men in my life. Just in case, so I don't waste my time on worthless men in the future. And also, "Confession of a Shopaholic." I want to read that next. I also want to read "Rich Dad Poor Dad" which is recommended by my brother in law a few years ago. I just haven't had time or thought about it much until I saw it on the table today under finance. I'm still trying to finish "He's not into you" which is soon because it's not too thick compared to the Twilight novels or Harry Potter. Which I need to finish reading too. It's just hard because I got an online PDF file of that book and I forgot what page I'm on. Anyways, I'm going to the gym in a few minutes. Yoga class today and I need to fulfill my three day minimum at the gym each week. I also have a birthday dinner for another old frined of mines. It's her 24th Bday and I miss her so much. I wonder why we just slowly grow distant. But when I see her tomorrow, things will be okay again. It always do somehow. I'm also going to see my ex-boyfriend there too. Which I fear will be awkward to some degree. Especially when we know the same people. But it'll be okay. I hope it's not to weird. I've been trying to spend some time with old friends and catching up on things too. Oh yeah, good thing I went to the bookstore today. I just rememebered I have a DAT prep guidebook I can give to Xuan this Saturday when I meet her again for our Saturday workouts. It'll be good since I'm not going into that field anymore and I won't be using it. Then at night I'm going to BR with Ton to celebrate another friend's birthday. I wonder what they're eating since they usually go for sushi. That means I'll be eating sushi two nights in a row. High five to Omega threes! Oh by the way. I lost five pounds since I started the gym!!! Yippie! But it's getting harder and harder man. Let's stay focused!!! I need to keep on top of it!

Sore Throat

So Friday morning I woke up with a sore throat. It got worse since then. Yesterday I did preparation for Saturday's family dinner. I stick skewers through the marinated beef slices for shish-ka-bobs. Helped Vi make potatoe salad, BBQ chicken, and put on the dry rub onto the roast beef. I didn't go out to the fair but I drove out there to drop off and pick up my parents and little sisters. Then later on in the night, I went to my cousin house to play a little Bo-Cua. I didn't play... just watched people play mostly. And called it a night. I woke up in the middle of the night from dry throat. it stung... so i drank water and went back to sleep. Today, when I first woke up, I was coughing up a storm. My throat hurted even more. I took some halls to soothe the pain. I went to the gym today. I dropped off Anna and Monica off at the mall too.
I met an old friend at the gym! It was Xuan. I haven't seen here since confirmation! We talked and catched up alot. She worksout at the gym every Saturday. So I'll see her next week again. It's nice having new workout buddies. Then as Xuan and I walked out, I asked about the chiropractor services at the gym for her. And the guy answered us and also introduce us a new family plan going on at the gym. I kinda shrugged it off my shoulders as me and Xuan went on our way. I picked up Anna and Monica at the mall and told her to call the personal trainer named Glenn about the deal going on. And he asked us to come back to sign some paper work. One thing led to another and I ended up signing up two people and got a free sessions with a personal trainer. I gotta tell Xuan next week. I went home showered and started setting up for the night. The kids came over and the party started! we ate so much food. The best was the crawfish! and my Shish-ka-bobs were killed. Only one plate left before the kids came over. They had to stop eating it to save it for them. The family except Kayla, my mom, and I stayed home from the fair. I was sick and didn't want to get worse from being in the cold. But unfortunately, Kayla was so scared of me and mom. She cried so much, I think it's because of stranger anxiety. also strange house. It wasn't working out so we called the parents to come home and they did. The enjoyed their little time out there. My throat still itches and hurts when I cough, gotta take another cold and flu pill. Night Night.

Steady Days

My schedule this week has been jumping steadily from one thing to the next. I write lists and try to get as much done as I can. I just defrosted the beef to marinate tomorrow for this weekend. I need to get to my grocery list. and my other things to do list. I schedule out my day the night before to keep on top of things that's going on in my lfe. And there's plenty going on right now. Today I go to school instead of clinics and got so much done since I don't have to be there early. Oh, and my birthday was uneventful. Just another busy day for me. But I got out of clinics early! Went to school and picked up my reimbursement money and deposit it. =) and then went home to see my niece Nia. As I was watching her play, my eyes closed and I knocked out. woke up and went to the gym with my little sister. Did about an hour and half workout and went home and showered. I finished up my outline for my thesis paper and fill out forms for graduation. and ordered new glasses online. This morning, I took my time getting ready because I usually rush out of the house on other mornings. Bought lunch and went straight to school. Dropped off some mail as I went in and print stuff out for today's lectures and such. I also applied for my RRT clinical simulations for March 7th. 200 dollars man! Presented my topic to the class and after that ate lunch with my classmates. Where I recently found out Theresa is three months pregnant!! =) It was such great news, it kept me smiling all day. Then went to echo review class then after class I dropped off the cap and gown form in the bookstore. Then I called the gym to reschedule my fitness assesment. It's on for Monday at 6. Went across campus to student health and schedule an appointment to get my tetanus shot which is due this year and a Tb skin test too. I signed a wavier for the meningitis shot while I was there. Then went to the bank and got new crispy two dollar bills for my niece and nephews this weekend. I'm giving all them 10 dollars each. It's only four of them but I got 50 dollars worth in case my cousins come over. Then I went to smoothie king and changed my clothes there for gym. I packed my clothes and stuff the night before because I knew I would be in the city all day and don't want to drive back home just to change. Workout for an hour and a half and went home ate dinner and fell asleep while watching The Italian Job. Woke up and showered and tidy up and get ready for another day tomorrow. It's like ten right now and I'm not sleepy yet. But I will sign off soon and head to sleep.

Birthday Eve

I had a wonderful day today. Despite this weekend's mishap on my ankle, I survived a whole shift at clinics today. The highlight of my evening: Dinner with Ton. He's a very dear friend of mines. I think it's been ten years... well, maybe more... that we've known each other. I forget how many years because it's been so long. He invited me to eat Horinoya for my birthday!! =) Isn't it sweet? It was my first time there and the food was great. The ones he picked were the best. Most defintely a person who knows what to eat. It was Kobe beef?! I must write in details!!! Thinly slice kobe beef and it was setup with a hot pot with fresh vegetables and noodles all in front of us. We blanched the thin beef ourselves to our liking (raw or fully cooked). I cooked mines only slightly and it still looked pink with blood still dripping from it. And cooked the vegetables under simmering heat with noodles. It was very cool. We also ate something else that was beef too. The waiter cooked it fresh at our table. It was seared on the outside and raw on the inside set in its own ponzu sauce. Plus, the Passion Roll which consisted of alot of the raw fishes wrapped with no rice with its own dipping sauce. It was good too. That's alot of food for two people man! It was amazing we did a very good job finishing it besides the udon noodles. It was great because, to me, it was a big dinner but didn't left me feeling heavy. It's not the kind of food you eat to full and can't even walk out or want to fall alseep right after. After dinner, we drove around downtown enjoying the city lights and it's nightly liveliness. It was still early in the night on a Monday so very little traffic. He showed me places he'd been to and talked about things that happened there. He also showed me where Brad Pitt house was!!! Muah hahaha! I'm a newborn stalker now! LOL! Just kidding. But I'll try to pass by when I'm near. Which is rarely. Anyways, I had a very enjoyable evening. Very much like me and would love to do that again. Just being a part of the city and taking it all in. Ahhhhh, I'm thinking I'll save it for another entry.