Today is All Souls Day. What a perfect day to write what I need to write today. My parents care about the world and how they are percieved by the world so much that they don't care what misery they put their children through becuase of their faces.
and this it true because of what happned to my older sister on her wedding day. they left her alone at her reception on her wedding day to serve the guests that weren't able to go to the reception and instead my parents stayed home to arranged a meal for those guests instead of sharing that special day with Hoa.
I can't live my life how I want to because of their faces. they would dis-own me before I could embarass them and I can't do anything to jeopordize that image of a perfect family. they wanted to take my life away, taking my car away and telling me to tell Vinh to drive me to places and move out and live with him. They almost killed me tonight. I was literall thinking of jumping off a bridge to relieve myself of being alive in misery as much as I am dead. I felt life-less and didn"t mind the slaps and hit and being literally stamped on by my parents. I have two big knots on my head to prove it. I wished they would have achieved murdering their own daughter before I could ruin their reputation. What's the point in living when I'm living not for myself but for my parents. I've been doing everything they want me to do all my life. and once I start to live my own life they crush it. I really need to get out of here... before I die. Maybe I'm already dead. Not literally dead, but my inner-self, who I truly am will die. I would be living, but not to my fullest because now i have to restraint my life before I embarass my parents. They think I'm sleeping over at vinh's too much and might end up pregnant. All i thought of it was convienient and sweet of him to have me over to rest up. I don't want to get into a car accident because i was falling alseep behind the wheel. I didn't think of it much, but my parents are fucking crazy. I hate their pride, it's killing our relationship. No more, I say. who gives a fuck, right? I never will say anything about anything in this house anymore. Well, i really didn't want to say anything at all tonight and just take the licks. i'm pretty good at that... taking hurtful things. enduring the pain. I really think that my parents wouldn't blink if i was preganant and had an abortion to keep from embarasing them. They'd rather lose a grandchild than have their reputation tainted. Fuck it, bring it on bitch, bring it on.... Life's a bitch... live it up or take it down.
