Sunday, July 8, 2007
Summer Love
Yesterday, I had a great time with you. I think I told you I love you randomly twice last night. I don’t know where it came from. But I do speak what’s on my mind. It came from somewhere, inside. I tell Thao-Vi randomly that I love her sometimes. When I realized how much I miss her driving around with the van during the Florida trip, I told her I missed her. And she knows it too. Sometimes when she talks to me and tell me things I know are from her heart I tell her I love her, because she share those things with me and it’s sincere things. Sometimes it’s the simple things that make it the best moments of love. It was like that last night with me and you. You probably don’t even notice it, but you told me things that I can tell in my heart you were sincere and I’m glad that you shared it with me. I know how much I mean to you and it makes me happy. So, I couldn’t help but say I love you at that moment. It’s a habit I have with people I love that you don’t know about me yet. I know you’re happy that you’re with me. I understand what you mean about this summer you’ve accomplished a lot. There were things that you wanted to do a long time ago and it finally came true this year. This year has been different for me too. I guess we’re really happy that we’re finally together and actually having all our dreams and fantasy of having each other and growing in love or just having someone that understands come true. I guess being in a relationship is fun. We learn from each other and just simply enjoying each other’s company and sometimes having lovely moments of what it’s like to have a companion. That feeling of liking someone and they like you back and cares for you too is just wonderful. I know things happen that made us want to be apart, but we still stayed together. It makes it more worthwhile. My mom and dad are very strict on me, but you still want to be with me in spite of their feelings towards you. They still are strict, but somehow, it’s better now. We work our way around those things. As long we stay true to each other and trust each other, we can be happy with each other no matter what. Our relationship works for me. And I’m very happy in this relationship. I’m slowly showing myself to you, which I never done with anyone before, and I’m glad it’s you because I wanted to do that especially with you for a long time now. And I know you do too. I’m slowly getting to know you better and slowly trusting you with things I would never tell anyone, even my family. I can’t talk to my family about everything in my life right now. Being at our age; living in our world; being a couple; growing together and loving each other in this relationship in a way that’s different from family love is not easy. It’s hard living in this world, but having someone like you by my side make it easier and worthwhile. We’ve choose to be together and learn from each other; not like family where we naturally have to love our family members and understand for each other. So, our relationship is different and that makes it special. And having it makes me live my life in an enjoyable worthwhile fulfilling way. Sometimes I can sense it when I look at you; and what you’re thinking, and somehow I think you feel it from me too. Sometimes when you look at me and I look at you, and we’re so quiet and I don’t know what to say, and you don’t either, but the feelings we probably feel inside says it all. I’m glad you were trying to share your thoughts with me too. I can’t wait until next time I see you. I want to see you everyday. Because I love you so much. Maybe One day I’ll marry you and spend all the time I want with you, so then I don’t have to wait. I’m still waiting on my first kiss with you. So miserable without kissing you to death, so you know how many times I wanted you to kiss me? I find many moments where it’s so perfect to share a kiss with you, but we don’t!! Why!?!? I hope we can share more feelings, experiences, and more love with each other. It’s not like I want to have sex with you, I can’t wait for that either, but I want to share with you other things like first kiss, first make-out, first dance, first serenade (from you to me), first romantic date, first anniversary. Yesterday was the first time you bought me a shirt and first time sipping from the same cup from two straws like they do in movies. LOL! And you setting up my food and I think you took my hand to hold it. It was the first time we had a great double date with Hoa and Chino too. I was more myself than I was a few months ago. Yesterday was also my first time seeing you drink alcohol. Man, you’re good at handling your alcohol. I was impressed. I like that about a man. Very sexy. But I don’t want to compliment on it, I don’t want you to turn to an alcoholic nah. But damn was it attractive. I was attracted to the manly things you do. I know you’re a gentlemen too. I think you kind of played with my hair at the mall yesterday too. You usually don’t do that. It’s either you’re kind of buzzed from the Mojito or you really like me. You know I only let you touch me right?! I mean in a loving way, not abusive way. I would have a problem with other guys touching me like that. But with you, it’s different. I want you to touch me. Makes me feel like your lady and only yours. So baby, love me all you want. I like it. But I trust you to be a gentlemen too. And it’s cool if you don’t want to kiss me in front of other people, like single people, but who cares. I like you and I’m not afraid to show it. There are times when we are alone too... what’s keeping you from kissing me? I really want you to kiss me. I mean I can kiss you easily, but having you kiss me, Oh yes!! It’s harder but more worth the wait. I hope you kiss me good too, don’t have me disappointed. LOL! Just kidding. Don’t worry. I’d kiss you right back with all my heart. I hope you won’t be disappointed with my kiss to you. Let’s just enjoy it okay?! I was laughing so hard yesterday. I was being silly. Hope you’re not embarrassed by it. I’m kind of funny. I know. But you can be too. I know somewhere in that funny person you have a little boy waiting to come out to play. Come play with me okay?! Keep me young. I’m a child at heart, I hope you are one too.
Friday, July 6, 2007
7/6/07
11:31 PM 7/5/2007
TOday, Julius came up to me and talked to me, trying to sound nice, but i know he's not nice. He's so fake. I'm so pissed at that man! but then william came by just to say hi, he didn't know what julius just said to me though. I asked william if he's going to eat lunch, and he said yeah, so i ate lunch with him. I didn't want to sit there thinking about what julius said or tried to do. I'm glad i went to lunch with him. He told me the juiciest stories about John's girlfriend quynh-anh. Man I couldn't believe him, but he proved it was real and not fake. Man!!! Oh my God juiciest story ever!! That made me feel better. and we kept talking and he told me about why my-hanh broke up with. Left him out cold during the hurricane. man that was mean. But what quynh-anh did to him was mean too. I told him, he;s setting himself up to get hurt. and Then i told him about liem too, how liem forgave me for doing the same thing my-hanh did to him. I didn't leave Liem because of the same reason my-hanh did. she left william because he lost everything during the storm. I just left liem cause I can't handle being in a relationship and was too young to know what i was doing. I never gave liem an explanation until way after it happened. But it's all behind us now and we're doing okay. I told william i never want to hurt liem again. i rather liem hurt me. he said that's what a guy that really loves you would do, they'd forgive you, no matter how much you hurt them. And i'm happy liem did. Anyways, after lunch he asked me to go to the gym with him, but I can't i have to sutdy and alot of other excuses i had. I told him i'd go but i won't work out cause i didn't wear the right clothes and i needed to pick up adrian from summer school. turn out i remembered he didn't go to school today. So i went to study for about 4 hours and william came by the lab after 5 and saw me and stayed and talked to me more about his juicy story. I can't beleive he made out with her!! and she's with john. and he told me alot of stories about other girls too and how they'd throw themselves at him. I told him he's a player and that's not good. He told me to stop hating on him and kinda got mad at me, and i apologized for being rude and telling him straightforwardly that i think he's a player. I told him He can change his ways, and he wants to too because he doesn't like the girls that throw themselves at him. He told me he likes syeda and been asking me like a million times to put in a good word for him to her. i got fed up and told him to give me her email. and i emailed her about school and told her that i got her email from william so that next time i email her i can talk about william to her without being obvious that i want to talk about him to her. LOL. Then one day eventually i can tell her all the good things and hiding the bad things about william to her. But honestly, I don't like william because he seems like a player and he falls for any girl that he thinks is pretty. I think syeda is a nice girl and she deserves better. But if william truly likes her and can change his ways about girls, then i'd reconsider. that's why i haven't talk to syeda much yet. I hope she doesn't email me back soon. i have tests coming up. and i hope william is serious about syeda too, because she's a medical student and needs to really focus. What if she do likes william back but doesn't want to actually go out with because she's busy with school. he have to understand for her. And i just don't get why quynh would make out with william, it has to be something he did to make her do that. I told william maybe she didn't want to lose him in her life after he told her to stop leading him on and make a decision by kissing him now if she likes him or stop it all together. I mean i would kiss a guy i care about alot to keep him in my life if i had to. I would never want to lose liem in my life. I guess quynhanh felt that way to william, although he is just a friend but i bet for a fact she cares about william even though she has a boyfriend. However, I told william that she would not leave john for him because she's been with him for so long. she's just confused or stressed out and did a silly thing in that one moment. Although william did say the way she came on to him, the way she dressed and how she wanted to go to his house and stuff. I was like Whoa-day... i didn't know she was like that. I told him i never made out with anyone before, not even my boyfriend. he was like it's the best feeling in the world and like how i'm missing out and stuff. he said he kissed alot of girls before, I was like, man you kiss and tell!! i just can't beleive everything i heard from william today. he told me to keep it a secret.. oh and there's something about Co Mai too!!! but he didn't tell me!! =( next time i'll make him tell me. man, william talks alot. but he has alot of bad but juicy stories. I rather have liem though, he doens't have not much stories to tell me, but at least i know he's a good guy. he doesn't have alot of bad stories because he's making good ones with me. I heart liem. But i can still be friends with william right huh?! i hope liem knows he can trust me. I told william that me and him are just friends. we're cool with that. well at least i think so. i told him he can tell me stuff and not be afraid I'd think differently of him. he asked me how i think he looks. i told him he looks okay for a white guy. and he felt depressed because i didn't told him he was handsome. I was like, I'm telling you the truth, what do you want me to say? you're fine like brad pitt?! He was like, man just lie to me. I was like i say what's on my mind... I told him, you're getting to know me a little better, I'm not nice as you'd think. I say mean things. but i tell you the truth. and that's something to honor. He said he thought i was a nice girl. i mean i still am, but i'm not all sugar and sweet. i'm nice, but i have some spice too. no one's perfect. not me anyways. then he toldme he was glad i stayed back late at school, he wanted to tell someone about what had happened with him and quynhanh. and alot of other things to. he said he miss hanging out with friends and stuff. THen i told him i'm boutta go, and he said he'd walk me to the garage where we park our cars, but then he had to lock his office so we went to his office and he showed me pictures on his computer of the girl he dated in vietnam. he told me they don't talk anymore, and something bad happened.... i joked with him that she probably found a new man. and i finally told him about Vn girls and how they try to take advantage of guys for their money. he knew about too, but he really believed that khanh genuinely likes him. I was like okay. whatever you say dude. and then he showed me emails about all the girls he talked about, like quynhanh. at first i kept telling him that i didn't believe him. but when he showed me the email i said sorry. then he talked more about vn and we were talking about talking in vietnamese and then somehow we decided to go to puccino's. so we went to puccino's and he bought me a coffee. and then we stayed there until like 9 just chilling playing on the computer talk about math and i showed him pictures. watched some you tube and dl a song he wanted me to hear. which i didn't like. =\ but oh wells, he showed me some hindu language stuff and just talk about random stuff. like what music we listen to what we do for fun and why we like the things we like. He likes traveling and i like doing activites or trying new things. talked about florida and vacations spots. talked about fireworks too. and about the viet girl that goes there to play video poker for hours. We just hang out, i haven't hang out with a friend doing just random things. I told him i only do stuff with my family, liem and classmates. I haven't spend time wiht any friend in a while. I was getting to know him better outside of school. we just got to know each other better. he's a cool guy and he can change his ways but i doubt it. he's talking to me, and sometimes he seemed too friendly, but i act like i don't catch on quick with those things even though i do, i just don't acknowledge it and hope he understand we're just friends. he'll get to know me better that i don't do crazy things like cheat on my boyfriend, but i bet he's thougth of that. he thinks i would do that. but if he gets to know me better, he'll see that's the last thing i would do. i mean what if william had a girlfriend, he wouldn't want her to cheat on him right?! what if there was a guy friend like william always with his Gf flirting like crazy?! can he trust her?! I'm so much better than he thinks of me. I can control myself and would never do anything like that to myself, and not to mention my boyfriend. I don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else, liem and him too. I think about the consequences too. i highly respect myself more than i think he thinks of me. I hope william come to find that i'm a very respectable person. and i would like that he'll learn to respect girls more after he gets to know me. not every girl is the same. I'm not the girls that he usually meets, that throws themselves at him. he'll like me, but we're just friends. and if there's one girl like me out there, there's has to be another one. I hope he knows that he should like me as a friend and nothing more. He tends to think that way because it happened to him so many times. I'm here to make him see that i'm different. not all girls like one type of guy. I like william too because he makes me laugh and talks to me without being all wierd. i like that he's himself and he has alot of strong characteristics that i admire guys of having. they're more bold and funny. that's why i like having guy friends more than girl friends, they're more laid back and not to high maintence like some girls are. I mean i am kinda girly.. i can't help it i am a girl... but around guys, i don't have to be too girly. I can be more of myself around guys than girls. With girls, i have to be more cheer-y and nice. only time i gotta be girly to a guy is to liem because i want him to like me. i mean, I'm his friend too, but i want to be his girlfriend more. but generally, i like having guy friends. and i hope any guy friends i have doesn't think that there can be more. other than liem of course. I want guys to be friends with me and not feel uncomfortable with having a girl as a friend or expect the girl to liekhim just because she enjoys having him as a friend. not all girls fall for their guy friends. 1:01 AM 7/6/2007, man i wrote alot. i'm going to sleep now. night.
TOday, Julius came up to me and talked to me, trying to sound nice, but i know he's not nice. He's so fake. I'm so pissed at that man! but then william came by just to say hi, he didn't know what julius just said to me though. I asked william if he's going to eat lunch, and he said yeah, so i ate lunch with him. I didn't want to sit there thinking about what julius said or tried to do. I'm glad i went to lunch with him. He told me the juiciest stories about John's girlfriend quynh-anh. Man I couldn't believe him, but he proved it was real and not fake. Man!!! Oh my God juiciest story ever!! That made me feel better. and we kept talking and he told me about why my-hanh broke up with. Left him out cold during the hurricane. man that was mean. But what quynh-anh did to him was mean too. I told him, he;s setting himself up to get hurt. and Then i told him about liem too, how liem forgave me for doing the same thing my-hanh did to him. I didn't leave Liem because of the same reason my-hanh did. she left william because he lost everything during the storm. I just left liem cause I can't handle being in a relationship and was too young to know what i was doing. I never gave liem an explanation until way after it happened. But it's all behind us now and we're doing okay. I told william i never want to hurt liem again. i rather liem hurt me. he said that's what a guy that really loves you would do, they'd forgive you, no matter how much you hurt them. And i'm happy liem did. Anyways, after lunch he asked me to go to the gym with him, but I can't i have to sutdy and alot of other excuses i had. I told him i'd go but i won't work out cause i didn't wear the right clothes and i needed to pick up adrian from summer school. turn out i remembered he didn't go to school today. So i went to study for about 4 hours and william came by the lab after 5 and saw me and stayed and talked to me more about his juicy story. I can't beleive he made out with her!! and she's with john. and he told me alot of stories about other girls too and how they'd throw themselves at him. I told him he's a player and that's not good. He told me to stop hating on him and kinda got mad at me, and i apologized for being rude and telling him straightforwardly that i think he's a player. I told him He can change his ways, and he wants to too because he doesn't like the girls that throw themselves at him. He told me he likes syeda and been asking me like a million times to put in a good word for him to her. i got fed up and told him to give me her email. and i emailed her about school and told her that i got her email from william so that next time i email her i can talk about william to her without being obvious that i want to talk about him to her. LOL. Then one day eventually i can tell her all the good things and hiding the bad things about william to her. But honestly, I don't like william because he seems like a player and he falls for any girl that he thinks is pretty. I think syeda is a nice girl and she deserves better. But if william truly likes her and can change his ways about girls, then i'd reconsider. that's why i haven't talk to syeda much yet. I hope she doesn't email me back soon. i have tests coming up. and i hope william is serious about syeda too, because she's a medical student and needs to really focus. What if she do likes william back but doesn't want to actually go out with because she's busy with school. he have to understand for her. And i just don't get why quynh would make out with william, it has to be something he did to make her do that. I told william maybe she didn't want to lose him in her life after he told her to stop leading him on and make a decision by kissing him now if she likes him or stop it all together. I mean i would kiss a guy i care about alot to keep him in my life if i had to. I would never want to lose liem in my life. I guess quynhanh felt that way to william, although he is just a friend but i bet for a fact she cares about william even though she has a boyfriend. However, I told william that she would not leave john for him because she's been with him for so long. she's just confused or stressed out and did a silly thing in that one moment. Although william did say the way she came on to him, the way she dressed and how she wanted to go to his house and stuff. I was like Whoa-day... i didn't know she was like that. I told him i never made out with anyone before, not even my boyfriend. he was like it's the best feeling in the world and like how i'm missing out and stuff. he said he kissed alot of girls before, I was like, man you kiss and tell!! i just can't beleive everything i heard from william today. he told me to keep it a secret.. oh and there's something about Co Mai too!!! but he didn't tell me!! =( next time i'll make him tell me. man, william talks alot. but he has alot of bad but juicy stories. I rather have liem though, he doens't have not much stories to tell me, but at least i know he's a good guy. he doesn't have alot of bad stories because he's making good ones with me. I heart liem. But i can still be friends with william right huh?! i hope liem knows he can trust me. I told william that me and him are just friends. we're cool with that. well at least i think so. i told him he can tell me stuff and not be afraid I'd think differently of him. he asked me how i think he looks. i told him he looks okay for a white guy. and he felt depressed because i didn't told him he was handsome. I was like, I'm telling you the truth, what do you want me to say? you're fine like brad pitt?! He was like, man just lie to me. I was like i say what's on my mind... I told him, you're getting to know me a little better, I'm not nice as you'd think. I say mean things. but i tell you the truth. and that's something to honor. He said he thought i was a nice girl. i mean i still am, but i'm not all sugar and sweet. i'm nice, but i have some spice too. no one's perfect. not me anyways. then he toldme he was glad i stayed back late at school, he wanted to tell someone about what had happened with him and quynhanh. and alot of other things to. he said he miss hanging out with friends and stuff. THen i told him i'm boutta go, and he said he'd walk me to the garage where we park our cars, but then he had to lock his office so we went to his office and he showed me pictures on his computer of the girl he dated in vietnam. he told me they don't talk anymore, and something bad happened.... i joked with him that she probably found a new man. and i finally told him about Vn girls and how they try to take advantage of guys for their money. he knew about too, but he really believed that khanh genuinely likes him. I was like okay. whatever you say dude. and then he showed me emails about all the girls he talked about, like quynhanh. at first i kept telling him that i didn't believe him. but when he showed me the email i said sorry. then he talked more about vn and we were talking about talking in vietnamese and then somehow we decided to go to puccino's. so we went to puccino's and he bought me a coffee. and then we stayed there until like 9 just chilling playing on the computer talk about math and i showed him pictures. watched some you tube and dl a song he wanted me to hear. which i didn't like. =\ but oh wells, he showed me some hindu language stuff and just talk about random stuff. like what music we listen to what we do for fun and why we like the things we like. He likes traveling and i like doing activites or trying new things. talked about florida and vacations spots. talked about fireworks too. and about the viet girl that goes there to play video poker for hours. We just hang out, i haven't hang out with a friend doing just random things. I told him i only do stuff with my family, liem and classmates. I haven't spend time wiht any friend in a while. I was getting to know him better outside of school. we just got to know each other better. he's a cool guy and he can change his ways but i doubt it. he's talking to me, and sometimes he seemed too friendly, but i act like i don't catch on quick with those things even though i do, i just don't acknowledge it and hope he understand we're just friends. he'll get to know me better that i don't do crazy things like cheat on my boyfriend, but i bet he's thougth of that. he thinks i would do that. but if he gets to know me better, he'll see that's the last thing i would do. i mean what if william had a girlfriend, he wouldn't want her to cheat on him right?! what if there was a guy friend like william always with his Gf flirting like crazy?! can he trust her?! I'm so much better than he thinks of me. I can control myself and would never do anything like that to myself, and not to mention my boyfriend. I don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else, liem and him too. I think about the consequences too. i highly respect myself more than i think he thinks of me. I hope william come to find that i'm a very respectable person. and i would like that he'll learn to respect girls more after he gets to know me. not every girl is the same. I'm not the girls that he usually meets, that throws themselves at him. he'll like me, but we're just friends. and if there's one girl like me out there, there's has to be another one. I hope he knows that he should like me as a friend and nothing more. He tends to think that way because it happened to him so many times. I'm here to make him see that i'm different. not all girls like one type of guy. I like william too because he makes me laugh and talks to me without being all wierd. i like that he's himself and he has alot of strong characteristics that i admire guys of having. they're more bold and funny. that's why i like having guy friends more than girl friends, they're more laid back and not to high maintence like some girls are. I mean i am kinda girly.. i can't help it i am a girl... but around guys, i don't have to be too girly. I can be more of myself around guys than girls. With girls, i have to be more cheer-y and nice. only time i gotta be girly to a guy is to liem because i want him to like me. i mean, I'm his friend too, but i want to be his girlfriend more. but generally, i like having guy friends. and i hope any guy friends i have doesn't think that there can be more. other than liem of course. I want guys to be friends with me and not feel uncomfortable with having a girl as a friend or expect the girl to liekhim just because she enjoys having him as a friend. not all girls fall for their guy friends. 1:01 AM 7/6/2007, man i wrote alot. i'm going to sleep now. night.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
7/3/07
It's been over a month since I've been in cardiopulomonary program. I really like school. and the things we learn is so interesting and makes sense. I just hope and wish I can understand and know the material. Please let me take whole advantage of the school! I really like the school. But studying too much can over-do me. So I'm taking a break tomorrow and go to the beach and kayaking for july 4th. Chi DIane just made her first vows and now she's So Diane. I'm very happy for her and May god bless her. Dear God, She's a blessing. Keep her safe in your arms, No matter what she's doing and where ever she may be, Let her feel safe and at peace with you. Even though there are things that aren't perfect, i find myself at peace with my life. And I enjoy it very much. The stress in it is just about right. I thought it would be overwhelming, Well, at times it is, But I can look forward to the light and positive things in my life and not focus too much on the hard things. With you, everything will be okay. I pray less, but everytime i do pray, I really mean it. I hope I can live my life better and change for the better each day. there are things that i can't change, Well, i can change, but I don't know. I need human affection, I wish my boyfriend would show more affection to me. But i can wait til he's ready. Sometimes i think we're boring, I wish we can do more... Talk more, Hold each other more. I don't know really. I want to enjoy the thingsi used to enjoy, like reading books for fun. Or watch Tv. Drive and go shopping. I've sacrificed alot for this school. And It's okay. I guess In some ways I was prepared for this lifestyle. a poor no time to life med-student. I hope i become a good health profession. I think I want to be a respiratory therapist now. and an echocardiologist too. I want to study more and learn more. I wish My brain is smart. It is, I just need to spend more time with the material and hopefully next semester gives me more comfort with more time to study and learn and like the material. I wantn to love studying medically. I want to save lives and make a difference. In the times I'm needed most. I want to fulfill my purpose of my life. Dear God, I hope that is your will for me. If it is not, I'm still doing good for the world right? Bless me father. Protect me and guide me. I love you and i love my life. Can i give it all up to be with you?! Sure, That would be fine too. I'm enjoying it, and having this chance, Is an honor in my lifetime. I feel good. I love you jesus, you're great to me. I feel anything hard in my life, is not so bad, When i have youin it with me. Thanks, for always being there.
1:14 AM 7/3/2007
I can't sleep, so i'm here just writing down thoughts. I told my classmates about how liem never met my parents. and i never met his. I told them that i don't bring home any guy. it has to be the one. th eone that i'm going to marry. so, yeah they know i date liem, but he haven't been home, until i knoe he's the one. People say they who's the one. I really want liem to be it, but i just don't know if he's the one until i know. so until that day comes, I'll just keep guys away from my house. Is that being mean to my boyfriend, somewhat unreasonable to him? i hope not, but i hope he understands, would he want to marry a girl who takes any guy home?! would he want a girl who seriously think about the person she's marrying, even if that person may be him? It somewhat keeps an open door to other guys, but He shouldn't feel that way if he's confident that I want to be withhim, he also have to feel the same about me to, and so far, i don't feel it. I mean He's a nice boyfriend, and he's still learnign about me and how i am. But one day when and if (him) or anyone that makes me feel that he's The One, I would seriously not waste anymore time with boyfriend realtionship and more like companion relationship to me significant other. I don't feel those things to liem. bUT I CAN'T WAIT. i know he's capable of being a husband like kinda person to his true love, but right now i don't feel it. I do hope it's him, then things would be easier when we do start to get more serious. But I just don't knwo yet, he's just my boyfriend. and i like him very much, there are things i trust with him, but not everything. I want to share certain things to my future husband only and that keeps me from sharing things with liem, and i don't want to talk about it because I would only share it with my hubby to be, but for now, it's not liem. or it's not him yet. I knwo i can trust a hubby to be person more than a boyfriend. as long as liem is my boyfriend, he will only be my boyfriend. i feel kinda apathetic of liem right now. I feel that maybe me and liem aren't going to marry each other, we're good together, but i need more. there's so much i want for him, like i want him to finish school and be somebody, so he's feel he has a purpose to his life and enjoy it with someone he choose to love, (like me) hehe.. I want him to love me. he still have his impression of me, but once he gets to knwo me more, he's like me right?! i find that i do. I just need to talk to him more. tell him things he's not expecting to hear. I wish he asked me to stay home to spend more time with him. but he didn't and it's okay, it gives me time to spend with my family. either way, i was taking time off from school to life my life a little. and i feel greatful that dr. pellett was cool with that. I'll see him friday. okay i'm going to sleep now, I feel better that i took somethings off my mind. now all i have to do is talk to liem. and pray more to god. You have a goodnight jesus.
1:14 AM 7/3/2007
I can't sleep, so i'm here just writing down thoughts. I told my classmates about how liem never met my parents. and i never met his. I told them that i don't bring home any guy. it has to be the one. th eone that i'm going to marry. so, yeah they know i date liem, but he haven't been home, until i knoe he's the one. People say they who's the one. I really want liem to be it, but i just don't know if he's the one until i know. so until that day comes, I'll just keep guys away from my house. Is that being mean to my boyfriend, somewhat unreasonable to him? i hope not, but i hope he understands, would he want to marry a girl who takes any guy home?! would he want a girl who seriously think about the person she's marrying, even if that person may be him? It somewhat keeps an open door to other guys, but He shouldn't feel that way if he's confident that I want to be withhim, he also have to feel the same about me to, and so far, i don't feel it. I mean He's a nice boyfriend, and he's still learnign about me and how i am. But one day when and if (him) or anyone that makes me feel that he's The One, I would seriously not waste anymore time with boyfriend realtionship and more like companion relationship to me significant other. I don't feel those things to liem. bUT I CAN'T WAIT. i know he's capable of being a husband like kinda person to his true love, but right now i don't feel it. I do hope it's him, then things would be easier when we do start to get more serious. But I just don't knwo yet, he's just my boyfriend. and i like him very much, there are things i trust with him, but not everything. I want to share certain things to my future husband only and that keeps me from sharing things with liem, and i don't want to talk about it because I would only share it with my hubby to be, but for now, it's not liem. or it's not him yet. I knwo i can trust a hubby to be person more than a boyfriend. as long as liem is my boyfriend, he will only be my boyfriend. i feel kinda apathetic of liem right now. I feel that maybe me and liem aren't going to marry each other, we're good together, but i need more. there's so much i want for him, like i want him to finish school and be somebody, so he's feel he has a purpose to his life and enjoy it with someone he choose to love, (like me) hehe.. I want him to love me. he still have his impression of me, but once he gets to knwo me more, he's like me right?! i find that i do. I just need to talk to him more. tell him things he's not expecting to hear. I wish he asked me to stay home to spend more time with him. but he didn't and it's okay, it gives me time to spend with my family. either way, i was taking time off from school to life my life a little. and i feel greatful that dr. pellett was cool with that. I'll see him friday. okay i'm going to sleep now, I feel better that i took somethings off my mind. now all i have to do is talk to liem. and pray more to god. You have a goodnight jesus.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
A moment
Today I had a moment. I’m saying I had a moment because I was thinking about something and I didn’t want to share with you, or anyone ever in that matter. It’s something I should never share to anyone but myself. But one day, just one day I might will. Goodness, this is so not good. I think I’m going to start locking this journal after I write this. Actually, I had a few moments, I’ve been having so much of it since the last few times we spend some time together. Like about how sweet you are last time, but this time, it’s even more naughty thoughts that ran through my mind about you. I know?! Where can I get naughty thoughts about you from out of nothing much?! Well, let’s start with the one that I told you I was going to tell you next time. When you talking to me about how mean you are to your nephew, which (shame on me) I keep forgetting to remember their names since you remember Katelyn and Adrian’s. Beside the point, you told me how you kept him back and say to him in a mean tone “I Own You.” I’m weird I know, but from the tone of your voice when you say those words, I can just imagine you’d use that on me one day and it’s so sexy! I just all of a sudden thought about how forceful you can be. And it’s kind of manly to me and I like that in a guy, especially intimate-wise. LOL! Yeah, and then my thoughts went in the gutter. I couldn’t believe that was the second time in one night with you that it happened. When was my first time you ask? When I held your arms and touched your stomach. You have more meat on your stomach and bigger arms too! Do you know how sexy that felt?! LOL. You got me there too. But I didn’t say anything. I just knew I like you even more. I have more of you to hold on to, more of you to feel next to me, and more of your arms around me. I imagined how your body would feel like next to mines and all that sexiness I can get my hands all over. Yeah, my head went in the gutter. Want descriptions?! Let’s just say I’d imagined a lot of you and me together doing things I shouldn’t’ be talking about because it’s too embarrassing to share with anyone, not even you!! Well, at least not at the time. I know one day we’d be laughing about this if we were more intimate, but we’re not, so I can’t tell you about it. I just don’t know how you’d feel if I talk about such things with you. I kind of do trust that you won’t freak about my personality and how comfortable I can be when talking about those things with you. But you never know. So at that time, I didn’t want to talk about it. That’s why I told you I’d tell you another day. That day would be when we become more intimate (non-sexually) and honestly.. I don’t think it’s anytime soon. So, I get to keep it to myself. It wasn’t a bad thing; it’s something good about something bad. I mean why would I want to talk about sexual thoughts about you when you were just talking about your nephew?! LOL! I’ll tell you one day when it’s right. And when that day comes, we can really laugh about it. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, maybe it’s just hormones. It’s about that time of the month. You’d probably think I’m a freak, which I am, but most people are, and I’m fine admitting to it! Well, at least to one person only. I think you’re that person, hopefully. I hope you’re someone who isn’t going to be afraid of me being myself; of how I’m just a human and I’m a sexual being, although I’m still a virgin, but I still think about those things okay?! And I think one day I can tell you about those things and just laugh about it. I think we’ll be cool about it and become closer. I meant ‘Closer’ as in talking and getting to know each other better but not like having sex closer. Hmm, I wonder why you asked me about wanting to have kids and parenting stuff. Are you insinuating a sex talk?! LOL. Just kidding, you’re such a gentlemen to upfrontedly talk about sex. You’re so cute. I love you liem. I had a great time with you today. Reading children’s books and finding waldo was fun. I like it when we go to Barnes & Nobles. And sushi was good too! I haven’t eaten sushi in a while especially at Kanno’s.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
I see Dead people
I'm taking anatomy and physiology. I'm studying with cadavers. I'm actaully disecting them. next week is my third week. i feel like i'm burnout. never studied so hard in my life. okay, back to studying... laters LJ