It's been over a month since I've been in cardiopulomonary program. I really like school. and the things we learn is so interesting and makes sense. I just hope and wish I can understand and know the material. Please let me take whole advantage of the school! I really like the school. But studying too much can over-do me. So I'm taking a break tomorrow and go to the beach and kayaking for july 4th. Chi DIane just made her first vows and now she's So Diane. I'm very happy for her and May god bless her. Dear God, She's a blessing. Keep her safe in your arms, No matter what she's doing and where ever she may be, Let her feel safe and at peace with you. Even though there are things that aren't perfect, i find myself at peace with my life. And I enjoy it very much. The stress in it is just about right. I thought it would be overwhelming, Well, at times it is, But I can look forward to the light and positive things in my life and not focus too much on the hard things. With you, everything will be okay. I pray less, but everytime i do pray, I really mean it. I hope I can live my life better and change for the better each day. there are things that i can't change, Well, i can change, but I don't know. I need human affection, I wish my boyfriend would show more affection to me. But i can wait til he's ready. Sometimes i think we're boring, I wish we can do more... Talk more, Hold each other more. I don't know really. I want to enjoy the thingsi used to enjoy, like reading books for fun. Or watch Tv. Drive and go shopping. I've sacrificed alot for this school. And It's okay. I guess In some ways I was prepared for this lifestyle. a poor no time to life med-student. I hope i become a good health profession. I think I want to be a respiratory therapist now. and an echocardiologist too. I want to study more and learn more. I wish My brain is smart. It is, I just need to spend more time with the material and hopefully next semester gives me more comfort with more time to study and learn and like the material. I wantn to love studying medically. I want to save lives and make a difference. In the times I'm needed most. I want to fulfill my purpose of my life. Dear God, I hope that is your will for me. If it is not, I'm still doing good for the world right? Bless me father. Protect me and guide me. I love you and i love my life. Can i give it all up to be with you?! Sure, That would be fine too. I'm enjoying it, and having this chance, Is an honor in my lifetime. I feel good. I love you jesus, you're great to me. I feel anything hard in my life, is not so bad, When i have youin it with me. Thanks, for always being there.
1:14 AM 7/3/2007
I can't sleep, so i'm here just writing down thoughts. I told my classmates about how liem never met my parents. and i never met his. I told them that i don't bring home any guy. it has to be the one. th eone that i'm going to marry. so, yeah they know i date liem, but he haven't been home, until i knoe he's the one. People say they who's the one. I really want liem to be it, but i just don't know if he's the one until i know. so until that day comes, I'll just keep guys away from my house. Is that being mean to my boyfriend, somewhat unreasonable to him? i hope not, but i hope he understands, would he want to marry a girl who takes any guy home?! would he want a girl who seriously think about the person she's marrying, even if that person may be him? It somewhat keeps an open door to other guys, but He shouldn't feel that way if he's confident that I want to be withhim, he also have to feel the same about me to, and so far, i don't feel it. I mean He's a nice boyfriend, and he's still learnign about me and how i am. But one day when and if (him) or anyone that makes me feel that he's The One, I would seriously not waste anymore time with boyfriend realtionship and more like companion relationship to me significant other. I don't feel those things to liem. bUT I CAN'T WAIT. i know he's capable of being a husband like kinda person to his true love, but right now i don't feel it. I do hope it's him, then things would be easier when we do start to get more serious. But I just don't knwo yet, he's just my boyfriend. and i like him very much, there are things i trust with him, but not everything. I want to share certain things to my future husband only and that keeps me from sharing things with liem, and i don't want to talk about it because I would only share it with my hubby to be, but for now, it's not liem. or it's not him yet. I knwo i can trust a hubby to be person more than a boyfriend. as long as liem is my boyfriend, he will only be my boyfriend. i feel kinda apathetic of liem right now. I feel that maybe me and liem aren't going to marry each other, we're good together, but i need more. there's so much i want for him, like i want him to finish school and be somebody, so he's feel he has a purpose to his life and enjoy it with someone he choose to love, (like me) hehe.. I want him to love me. he still have his impression of me, but once he gets to knwo me more, he's like me right?! i find that i do. I just need to talk to him more. tell him things he's not expecting to hear. I wish he asked me to stay home to spend more time with him. but he didn't and it's okay, it gives me time to spend with my family. either way, i was taking time off from school to life my life a little. and i feel greatful that dr. pellett was cool with that. I'll see him friday. okay i'm going to sleep now, I feel better that i took somethings off my mind. now all i have to do is talk to liem. and pray more to god. You have a goodnight jesus.
