His Birthday

I'm always thinking of him. No matter what, deep down inside, he's a part of me. I wish I could tell him Happy Birthday.

Song: How Can I Tell You (Cat Stevens) - Liz Durrette
This song really expresses everything I'm feeling right now.

Sharing the Love

I think I was on the verge of becoming lesbian this past weekend. I never trusted anyone like this before! She is like my best friend right now. I would kill her if she tells people about me, especially my parents! I'm really a wild child that's been kept protected for too long. And I revealed to her that I'm really a freaky deaky! LOL! Well, mostly in dancing anyways. I never had sex to actually claim that. She told me she would have to get me drunk to see how crazy I get. Which will never happen! Many said that they would, but I never gave them that chance. I don't think I can even trust myself being drunk! But maybe I'll get drunk on graduation night with her... That would be an experience! We're quickly becoming best of friends! She talks to me about things that's deeper than most people would and I tell her alot of personal things about me too. I also have alot of fun with her too. We have so much things in common, but yet still very different. Oh my God! I can't believe how much stuff went down that night. Well, she called me and asked if I wanted to come out and eat dinner with Vinh and that she would drive. I wasn't really hungry... I just wanted to go out that night. I was so glad she made plans with me. She drove us to the westbank and we ate at Chili's. Vinh didn't know I was coming until our phone chat in the car and he recognized my voice! It was fun just hanging out and talk alot about random things and BS like we usually do. This time without the intention of studying. And then Ton called me and told me he was going to Masquerade with the bunch. I wanted to go, but Tien was wearing uncomfortable shoes. Vinh doesn't dance so he quickly turned down the idea. Tien was about to drop me off to meet Ton there, but I changed my mind and went back to the east instead with her. I stayed at her house for a while to use the bathroom and I fed her puppies! She really love those dogs! Then her sister called and asked if we wanted to go to Masquerade. Very coincidental~! So we waited until Vi came home and Tien picked out her shoes and redid her makeup. We had time to just chill and hangout. She told me about her dogs, shoes, and handbags. We share alot of things about our past relationship with guys too. Her's about Hung and me about Liem. It was also a coincident that we broke up with them at almost the same time and still coping with it. We listen to the same break-up songs! LOL! Anyways, Vi's boyfriend Emerson drove us in case we drink. Which I didn't but danced away the night with random people like a drunk anyways. And I tried a few sips of whatever she handed me. But not alot of course. I was totally sober. I hated the taste of many of them. It was like medicine. And I can't believe she took my shots for me!! She literally drank double shots!! and was buzzing the whole night! LOL! and Vi got drunk! It was so funny! They taught me how to do lap dances. LOL! And Tien really enjoyed her night with me. I made her dance!! She introduced me to alot of her friends and I danced with them too! They took shots throughout the night, except me. I don't think they knew I was sober... They probably thought I was drunk as they were from my crazy dancing. They got me a shot too, but Tien drank it for me. To me, that was very thoughtful of her because she knows I hate drinking. I told her about my sake bomb and that I don't like the feeling where my heart is pounding out of my chest and I'm all warm and fuzzy. I guess it's the buzzing feeling?! Most people enjoys it, but for me, I hate to feel my heart racing like that. I don't think I can ever get to the point of drunkeness. I can dance without drinking to loosen up. I just love dancing! I met a few new friends there that night. I danced very vulgarly with them too. I didn't care too much, they were drunk and probably forgot who I am already. I didn't know they had girlfriends until an hour or two afterwards. Which was annoying that Tien didn't tell me early. I kinda felt like a bimbo for bumping my ass next to guys who have girlfriends already. I do respect their girlfriend feelings. I'm more comfortable dancing with single guys because it's just all in good fun. No strings attached and just good ole dirty dancing fun. I just like the crazy dancing. It's like a workout for me. I feel my quads aching from all that getting low on Tien. LOL! I also had a guy getting low on me! He was quite a dancer too! I think his name is Khanh. Tien told me he was in Pharmacy. And if Tien told me earlier that he had a girlfriend, I wouldn't have dance with him they way I did. Same goes to a guy named Son. I feel really dirty for dancing all up on them like that. They were not innocent themselves because they were dancing all up on me too! It was all in good fun anyways. Nothing serious and I really didn't care. The person I handled most was Tien anyways. I told her I would dance with her like a lesbian! And Vi got a nasty lap dance from me! LOL! It was my first time giving one ever! Then I saw Truc and gave her one too! She was with Thao and I danced a little bit with her.... And Tram was miss photographer didn't dance with me! But we took some silly pictures. I saw Thu, Lan, and Jesscia for a little bit. But they were leaving when I started dancing with Thu. Must of been a night for them. I saw Dyanuh there too! It's been so long since I've seen her! I miss her so much! She was so drunk and hella funny! I knew she can drink alot and still be fine. But that night may be one of those crazy nigths for her. I walked her to her friend because I wasn't sure she could walk on her own. It was so crazy! I didn't get home til 6:00am. Mom and Dad didn't know I even left the house that night. I made it to 11:00am mass looking decent. But it was one hell of a night! Sunday was uneventful. I slept most of the day and watched House. Ton called me to go eat but I was so tired and grumpy I really didn't want to do anything but sleep! Today, I'm catching up on my chores and schoolwork. And of course, writing this blog! Going to the next thing on my to do list. Thao-vi and Anna went to the parade in Metairie, which I passed, my quads are aching and I don't want to lose my voice. Maybe I'll go tomorrow. If I finish my introduction to my senior thesis.

Slipped Up

So I ate alot today. I ate after the time limit too. Crawfish season is back. =( I can't help it. It was so good. Anyways, so I haven't been writing the past few days because I was a little busy. I didn't even have time to write Nga the email about my partying weekend. But I will. and I need to shower too. I feel dirty after eating all that juicy crawfish. I didn't go to the gym today either. I did the opposite, stayed home and ate with my family. I also took naps wiht my little niece today too. She came over and it's been a while since I babysat her. I love her so much. She's growing so much and so fast! But all in all, I had a Fat day. And it's not even Mardi Gras yet!
So, I'm going to the gym tomorrow by myself because Xuan went to Chicago this weekend. And I didn't ask Thu to join me because I don't think she really enjoys it, and she doesn't really need to. I went to the Gym on Earhart on Tuesday. I didn't like their old elliptical machines. It doesn't have the programs like the one on Veterans. I saw Son monkey at the gym on Wednesday and said hello. On Thrusday, I did yoga with Thuy Tien! We talked alot too. Shared alot of unexpected things. She knows my biggest secret, but I know hers too. I can't beleive how fast and easily I made friends with her and trusted her with such things. I hope this new found friendship doesn't end in catastrophe. I guess my past experiences has affected my views on people. But I shouldn't let it get in the way. I'm quickly trusting people, and I don't know if I should. But I'm willing to take some risks. She's seems like a good person. So, yeah... we did yoga together. Then afterwards we went to TjMaxx and got me a Yoga mat. It was about time I invested in one. When I was giving her a tour of the gym, we bumped into Huy Duong again. He knows Tien too. Had a little chat. and I gave Huy a rub down of his muscles. I wasn't afraid of what people thought. Damn, that boy is fine. Plus, it was all fun and jokingly funny anyways. He know he looks good. Anyways, before gym that day, I went to Ton's house again, and we just watched House. I didn't want to stay home and be lazy. I think, as long as I don't go home, I'm less likely to eat and be lazy. We planned on going Sushi Brothers today but cancelled instead. Which I'm kinda glad because there's traffic from parades and stuff. He also told me UNO VASA people were meeting there for the parades. I was kinda excited to see them, but the traffic and parallel parking bothered me. I suck at it. We can go another time.
Okay, so here goes. I've been thinking alot about Ton. He's always been there for me when I need someone to talk to. I hate to take advantage of him, but we've known each other for so long. He's the other person who knows my biggest secret. He was the first and only person I told right when it happened a little over a year ago. My friendship with Ton is kind of confusing now. Why did I speand so much time with him this past week? Do I like him? I don't know how to explain it. The big thing: we've been friends for so long, it's weird if it were any different. Is there an attraction?! Maybe, but it might be for the wrong reasons. I can't see myself being with him in that way. He seems like a perverted guy to me. But he's just a friend and I should be understanding to him, cause he is my friend right? But sometimes I think he wants to be more than that or maybe that's how friendly he is to any girl. I'll admit, I like the attention and the touches he tried to advance on me. Sorry, I've been lonely. So, I tried to imagine and actually put my heart and thoughts to him when spending time with him this past week. And I don't know. It's just no spark. And I can't help it. But I really do appreciate him for being there. He is a really nice guy, under all the crazy nasty sex jokes. Which is not a way to sweep a girl off her feet. Sure it's funny but it's also a turn off for me. And I don't want to lead him on. So I gotta tell him right? Will that be unfair? because he always thought we were just friends and that he didn't know I was trying to give him a chance with me. Or just forget all together and spare the awkward conversation and still be friends like we are. I think we can spare it. I think I'm just overthinking it. And I'm lonely. I wish I had a boyfriend. Now, I sound like a pathetic loser. A lonely girl. Who has a single guy in front of her... and we've been friends for so long. Huh? Classic isn't it? I'm stupid. Well, I know I don't have feelings for him that way. Even if I force it, it's doesn't feel right.

Checking Out

Damn!! So I was driving home after workingout and I saw this hot guy washing his BMW with his shirt off. He's not buff, but his skin complexion was a nice asian tan. Damn, call me crazy but I was looking hard and smiling. He had some nice natural guyish curves on him. I was singing a song in the car and couldn't help laughing out loud from being excited. He's was the higlight of my day. A strange half naked guy innocently washing his car. And then I thought, hey he doesn't know me, so I turned the car around and got another glimpse. LOL! I love being single. I don't feel guilty checking guys out, and I am not afraid if that guy knows I'm checking him out either. He asked for it! I just took advantage of it. I cannot describe the sneaky things I do at the gym when I'm checking out a guy. Because it's too embarassing. I do it in a way that they won't know I'm looking. I have to! I don't want them to know how pathetic I am. Sometimes, it may be too obvious. I'm embarassed when I get caught, I just smile really big and then give them a thumbs up from afar and go back to minding my own business. I think it gives them a little flatterness and confidence. Oh well, I'm a girl I can't help it. I bet they like the attention too. It's a win win situation.

I think my level of health has gone up a notch or two. Body and mind. I'm more outgoing and more happy. I lost about ten pounds from one month at the gym 3-4 days a week. The endorphins are flowing! I feel really good about myself. Oh, my period is done! I think I'm okay now. If it had gone another week abnormal, I would go to the OBGYN or health clinic to see what's up. I'm thinking about getting a basal temperature thermometer. It's something I should start monitoring to watch for my ovulation cycle. It can be a natural form of birth control too called Billings method. No condoms or pills and such are needed. It's just an awareness of my own body. I may be sexually active in the next coming years. And want to be well aware of my body for when the time's right. And healthwise, it's also a good idea to make sure my cycles are normal. I want to be more educated about sex and socializing because I want to be healthy and smart about making decisions about sex and relationships. I don't want to go in stupid and not know what I'm doing. I'm a sexual being and I want to enjoy every aspect of it. Sex isn't just sex, you gotta be smart about it too.

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Give all you have to the Lord God and trust Him to give back all that you need.

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