Happy Enough

I don't know where to start to give this entry a good intro that explains all the good things that's happening in my life. I'm very blessed. And I feel very grateful for my life right now. Nothing bad happened for me to understand this. It's just, looking back.. I knew one day this happiness will come to me again. It's nice for a while. I know it won't be easy breezy or nice and comfy later. But for now, I'm so loving this feeling of where I'm at right now at this moment in my life. I can make a long list of things I'm grateful for and so happy for it. It's heartwarming. I know good things won't last long. but maybe this entry will be my photo of this moment. This feeling will be embedded into my memory. I don't feel any regrets. How can I explain this feeling? I'm not overly happy. I'm just at a good balanced happy right now. And that's pretty good. I like it just right. Happy enough. There are things that won't be perfect, but in its own little way, it is. I guess whatever God blesses me with, it's all for the right reasons. I feel in my heart that I'm so glad my life is in his hands. All the things I'm capable of is given by him. anything that's taken away from me would be fine too. because it creates for me a balance that I need in my life. I just pray that everything will be okay. and I know it will be. Because God is taking care of me. Thank you for my family, friends, and just all the people in my life. Mostly, thank you for being in my life. With you, all things are possible. I'm so happy that I got accepted into this program. This really open doors to big dreams that I once thought, was out of the question but now possible to reach. I'm so glad I chose to go to college and stay in school. It was quite boring and typical and seemed like I'm going no where at first. But now, I feel there's so much I want to accomplish. I feel like conquering everything. I feel so blessed that my family is fully supporting me. I love my Mom and Dad so much. They are so supportive and just so wonderful. My sisters are all proud of me and wants me to keep on going. They're so understanding, supportive, and just my strength for everything. My boyfriend is so nice about it too. He's such a sweetie, he's a blessing too. In the next part of my life, I will probably go through alot. This happy moment here.. it may likely fade away. But I find peace that it will come again later. Life is Wonderful. God works in mysterious ways. somehow, someway everything will turn out ... okay. I'm not rich, but still, I'm happy. I have nothing, but yet, I have everything.

4/24/2007

11:48 PM 4/23/2007
Hey there. I haven't written in a journal in a while. I'm doing okay. pretty good i guess. I'm failing general chemistry again. I'm praying to God there's a big curve. I just need a C, but a B would be great! i doubt that. Dear God, My grades are all above or at average, so please!!! please!!! can i have the C?!?!?!?! I'll be so happy. I know i really didn't study much for it, but it's just not my subject. Organic seems better. have no idea why. maybe it's mostly nomenclature. I got my wisdom teeth out. Thank God. She was so nice?! do you know that?! Dear god, please keep on blessing her. She helped me alot. and she says it's all thanks to you. So Me too, i won' thave the grades i need unless you bless them to me. And if I don't have the C i need for general Chem, I guess I have to take it again, and put up with the embarassment of failing it twice. =( I hate school. But at the same time i love it. I'm trying to pre-study for biology right now. And i will more tomorrow. Physics is so easy I love it!!!! It's so much better than last semester. thank GOD! This week is Linda's confirmation. Bless her jesus, May the holy spirit lift her soul. and feel your love. I can't wait til thao-vi's birthday. I'm so happy for her. And in some ways I know she is too. Thanks, for letting me have her as my sister. She's pretty cool you know. She's smart. As for me teeth and doctor visits. It wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. And i remember how nervous i was at the moment i found out i have to do physicals. Whoa. LOL! I didn't share that feeling with you... or did i? But yeah, i was so scared and embarassed. I didn't even knwo i can still be embarassed. Only to doctor visits like these. you know i met a nice nurse named Van. Jesus, bless his heart, he's a good man. And the doctor too. she's nice. I met so many nice people in the medical field. I think it's really what i want to do. I tested myself to be able to look at blood and needles. It's not so bad. I can get used to it jesus. You knwo that?! Thanks for giving me that ability to not get freak out by needles and blood. I knwo some people do, but not me. and i can endure pain. YOu wanna knwo why?! because it doesn't compare to your pain on the cross. and a little pain can hurt me. You taken most of it already. thank you. I love you jesus. you knwo that?! someway, somehow, you come back into my life. a little of you goes a long way... i heart you!!! =) i know i'm not explaining everything in detail of how i feels, but i know you know. Thanks for Liem too. he's a sweetheart. sometimes i feel whatever about him, and then sometimes i feel good about him. sometimes even very sad, but mostly for no good reason. I guess i worry too much. It's all inyour hands jesus. I knwo you'll take care of me, just like youare with my mom and dad. Thanks for the $$ mula.. Hahaha... money comes with trouble you that jesus?! I can see, the more money you come across, the more mess you have to deal with. but we gotta have it. but it's only thanks to you. You giveth, and you can taketh. hehehhe. i tried the buffet on chef today. Thumbs down, but good luck to them anyway. we all need a little lift sometimes. okay i guess this is it for now. i'll be back to write more later.12:05 AM 4/24/2007

Hey Liem

I don’t know where to start. I haven’t been on here for so long because I was afraid to write about you and me and how great our relationship is going. I don’t want to jinx it or anything. Even before I can type these words down, my heart aches and tears are forming in my eyes. I don’t know how to express all these feelings I have inside of me that’s bursting. These feelings inside my whole body that makes me yearn and my heart throbbing, aching when I think of how much I love you. My heart have been wanting to love you for so long. And once it has, It’s so scared it might lose you again. It’s kind of funny too. How happy I am, but also miserable. Miserably happy. I guess that’s one way of expressing my feelings. Do you know that I loved you for a very long time? I don’t think I have the courage to tell you. Even now in our relationship, even with that as my excuse to tell you how much I love you, I don’t say it. I’m so scared. So I’ll just keep the way things are between us. I think you know somewhere in your heart that I love you. And I know you love me too. I wanted so badly for us to be together, and now we are. I’m very glad. I don’t know what I would do without you. Probably miserable too, more like miserably sad. Either way, I do still love you. I guess all my heart’s desires are coming true. I’m pleased, satisfied, happy, glad, thrilled that we’re together. You’re mines and I’m yours. It’s just us again. I’m all smiles. I like it when you make me smile and laugh, sometimes mad but it’s fun too. I like it when you pick me up, drive around in your car, or just in your car talking and listening to music. Holding hands and holding each other. Smiling and talking. Laughing. Walking side by side. Making fun of each other. Eating and feeding each other. Trying new things. Going to ‘our’ places. Getting calls and sending e-mails. Taking pictures. Just being together. It’s great. I hope this lasts forever. In all of this, I’m worried too. About how things may break apart, And I will be sad again. I’d imagined it before. I cried of how I let you go. So, I don’t want to ever let you go. It’s hard and the only easy way, is to be with you always. I’ll always be yours no matter what. I will always love you. I know that much, of what my heart wants. Anyways, I don’t only imagine about the bad things. I’d imagined about your kisses. LOL! Whenever that will be. I hope it will be memorable and enjoyable. I wish you’d kiss me every time you see me. Everyday would be great. I mean I would. But I don’t think you’re ready for my kisses. I tried once. But I’ll wait for you, until you’re ready to give me my first real good kiss. Don’t hold back okay. I don’t want to. But I should before I scare the freak out of you. Yeah, Sometimes I think I’m too into you. I’d kiss you to death. I might get out of control too. But I’m not worried. I know you won’t let me do anything that will jeopardize our future. You think of everything. =) Anyways, I like you, even when I don’t like you, I can’t help it, I still do.

4/11/2007

1:08 AM 4/11/2007
three more weeks of school, i'm also preparing for registration at lsu now too. i need to go to the doctor to get a physical done. i'm so nervous because i have so bad cavities... and now i really have to go to the dentist. awful. and to think i wanted to be a dentist, it's not the dentist i'm scared of, it 's the bill. and the embarassment of having very bad teeth too. =( anyways, when i go to lsu, i have to pay for health insurance. wow. so grown up. it's like 500 dollars. not bad i guess for one term, so that's like 15i00 a year?! whoa. should i do the suplement? we'll see if i can manage the premium for now. Mom and dad are only downing five thousand for my car, which is pretty much my five thousand. they're not helping me at all. i guess i'll try my best. now i really want a scion tc. who cares if it's a two door. i want a white or black one. i really need help for genral chemistry, i need to keep my c average at least. I feel so =(. so is my C a low C or a high C? cause i need to keep it a or above. it's probably a low C. i need to do good on chapter 19 quiz. okay imma do it tomorrow. since, i'm done with all my lab reports. And pretty much did most of my registration forms, i also got the ups mailing label so i need to send it off asap to get my money back into my credit card. i'm still waiting for another shipping label later on this week. so as soon as it gets here, imma do it too. i have a few stuff to mail off tomorrow. and need to look at the bills and stuff. also, i need to go to sam's for mom and dad. I haven't talked to liem for a while i have so much to tell him. i probably wait until he calls me or something. he doesn't miss me. he probably thinks i'm cheating on him with william or ton. he doesn't care. i think he knows i'm not going to be with him forever, so he doesn't give a damn about me. he sucks. even ton treats his friends better than liem treats me. and i'm liem's girlfriend. i wonder how it would be to be ton's girlfriend. Very annoyed. don't knwo when will i tutor william agian. i might need to go to LSU, i can meet him there. since i need to go talk to an advisr anyway. i don't knwo the course numbers to fill it out with. registration ends in may. but i really need to get things done. imma call doctor dao cong minh to set up an appointment for a physical. and then go to the dentist next week?! i just need start on the physical to turn in with my registration forms. i want to lose weight again, summer is back!! =) i'm so happy, i can go walking again. too bad the treadmill is broke. maybe i can fix it?!?! or maybe buy a new one?! anyways, thao-vi nbirthday is coming. i think i want to buy beau rivage circue olei tickets. hong said it was like twenty bucks. i might can invite liem too?! i think i mma get thao-vi a laptop bag and liemc an give it to her and from me, the tickets, and i'll drive to biloxi. by the way... i want to go to hudson man!!! but monica said they had nothing. i tolf monica to call hoa and tell her what color dress they going to wear at chu hieu's wedding. who knows. by the way there's a dress i like at dillards for 70 dollars!!! thao-vi found it for me. i didn't buy it though. since i need to save up for a car, i shouldn't spend that much. oh wells, tomorrow's PAY DAY!!! woo hoo...more money to save up. minus 40 dollars for gas. and 40 for oil change. and 100 for credit card payment. oh wait, oil change is not until next month or so. so about 140 will go to normal expenses. okay, i'm going to sleep now. goodnight.
1:28 AM 4/11/2007

Hello?

Hello... Been a while... what's going on? everyone left xanga?

4/7/2007

today i called ton and talked to him for an hour or so. I haven't talked to him in so long and we had so much to catch up on. he didn't even know i was working at smoothie king or bought a laptop. I had to tell him my good news, about cardiopulmonary and getting a new car. And i also told him about me and liem. and william and how things are going very well. And for him, he's still in br but got kicked out from his sister's place and he's staying with a friend and another friend's house. He's also been sleeping around and got used. the girlhe slept with might be pregnant. but he doubt it is his because he used protection.. but still i couldn't believe he would really do something like that no matter what the circumstances. and now he's got himself into so much worries. he told me about his sex life. LOL! he told me he wanted to talk to Trang. I told him about people here... and what nots. and about going to church and stuff. i wish he still was innocent like me back here in new orleans. i bet he could be a different person. but i'm glad he's out on his own, i really want him to take care of himself before anyone else. he needs to get his priorities straight. he needs to save up money instead of wasting it on 300 phones and spending 600 dollars on a girl who doesn't give a damn about him. i feel bad for him man, he's broke and can't control his spending. that why he's not at school pursuing his degree for optometry. I was like, Why he keep doing this shit all over to himself. he should get along with his family and move back or something. hehehe.... it kinda funny to think ton actually got laid, he must met some really needy girls or must be super drunk... LOL! anyways, the laptop bag came in today, it;s so ugly and freakign big!!! i have to return and go find a good looking one. and it gotta be done before thao-vi birthday. there's three and a half more week untilt he end of the semester. wow!!! it's so fast! i can't believe i'm about to start cardiopulmonary in about two months. =( i hate school and now more?!?! i can't take it anymore. but i have to.

Thank god for everything in my life, i know tonight is good friday and all, but i feel like jesus is still alive, at least in my mind and heart. When i'm sad or feel very depressed, i would think jesus died. but today i realized that maybe cardiopulmonary is my true calling in life. there's got to be a reason why i applied in the first place and how all of a sudden i met william again and becoming friends with him. He's my sorta close connection to the department. and can show me a thing or two around the place. comparing my life to ton's i feel very good about my life and how it's going. i dont' have alot of downs as much as ups. and thank god for that. other than failing general chemistry again... i don't knwo why that course is so hard. i don't understand it, i think i need a tutor in chemistry. i have no idea what is going on. maybe the learning center have a tape or something i can watch and study with. i'm truly blessed, thank you jesus... thank you.

4/5/2007

I'm boutta go to church. wonder if i'm going to see liem. I was about to go out withhim today, but i had no idea what to do withhim. and plus thao-vi was making fun of me because i was excited to go out with him. I was planning to go tutor viet with william, but i kinda see him more than my own boyfriend, so that was not cool. So william has a girlfriend back in vietnam. That was interesting to know. i never met an american guy that likes vietnam so much. maybe he's head over heels for this girl that may be trying to get all his money or whatnot. anyways, i learned alot about william that day. and i bet he learned alot of viet too.