11:58 PM 7/24/2007
I'm getting bored with school. It's so not interesting anymore. What's up with all this renal and Gi stuff?! Bagby and shepherd aren't good at leacturing abouttheese stuff, Since I'm so used to Dr. Mcdonough and Pellett explaining things in great detail... that when it gets to their stuff... It's complicated. I wonder how will i ever do good on the test this friday. I have three days by the way and i also the final on monday. And then anatomy on wednesday. Fuck! I' can't believe I didn't call Hoa back. Liem needed me to pick him up from metaire. By the way, how did he got over there in the first place? Who knows, I feel bad, But he's home now. I didn't knwo i got three missed calls until late. I think i should turn back the sound of my phone after class. I hardly use my phone, unless i call thao-vi, home, or liem. Anyways. I shouldn't have put it on silence. No one called me anyway.
Goodnight, I'm sleeping early.12:03 AM 7/25/2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Summer School
Just started my first semester at a new school. I gotta say it's hard but it's all good because I never studied so hard in my life; and I never learned so much in my life. I feel this school is challenging in a way that it's also encouraging me to go even further no matter how stressful it may be. I can't believe of how much my brain can retain in less than a month. I gotta say, dissecting cadavers really opened my eyes and mind to things I thought I never will have a chance of being exposed to. I mean, I can see the plaques in people arteries. Put my finger through the vavles in a human heart. Cracking and sawing bones. Well, just the sternum and ribs to get to the heart and lungs. Saw what's inside our belly. Rip up some guts and peeled off muscles with my hands! (gloves on of course) I learned how muscles work and I realized why it hurts so much when I do crunches, there's so many muscles running in different directions on your stomach! I learned all the branches of the lungs and removed the lung tissue from the branches, even the one with emphysema, it literally smells like cigarettes!! I saw a real ovary too with those finger like structures attaching to it called fimbriae. Just like you would see it in anatomy books. I can't believe I have those structures in my own body. And all the fat in your stomach!! Man, there's alot of fat!! And all the veins and arteries in your digestive system. It's like a whole new world. It's so interesting! Some had pacemakers in their heart. Some had bypass surgery, some more than once. It's amazing how each cadaver died of different reasons. I had a chance to look at different hearts. Some are the size of your fist! and some that suffered from congested heart failure are humongous! What's amazing is that most of the cadavers have clogged arteries in the heart. Especially the artery that supply blood to the heart itself. I actually can squeeze the fat like it's a hard elongated rock stuck inside the little tube! I know I have my share of atherosclerosis too. So, down that chicken from popeye's! Just kidding. I mean, you gotta try to be healthy! I've been going to the gym again! Well, now that I don't have to be in that lab anymore I have time for running and do crunches. I don't miss those days in the lab, it smelled awful. Breathing formaldehyde and looking at dead people for a long time isn't my cup of tea. But it's worth it though. I learned so much! The time I've spent in there is wisely spent. Heck, I even sacrificed a few weekends to be in there studying. I can't believe I dissected human hearts, brains, lungs, abdominal and pelvic cavities. Learned some arteries, veins, and nerves. Looked at half heads and whole brains and skulls. It's amazing how our body is organized! And NO, I did NOT faint or barfed, although I did have moments of gagging. Surprisingly, according the teacher, all of the medical students did good this semester. None of us fainted and did well sucking it up and just do our job. I know, I'm kinda weird because I'm not scared of dead people and putting my hands in them. I can do it because I really want to learn and study it! Maybe watching those medical shows on the health discovery channel helped me adapt to it more easily.I'm still continuing my studies until the first week of August, that's when this semester ends. I'm taking pharmacology next semester. Heard it was hard too. But I can't wait. And clinical too of course. Can't wait to go see patients. Update more later. Have a nice summer everyone! =)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
E-mailed my <3
Hunny, I'm a girl who's crazy about you. Just know I really care about you. I'm probably making a huge mistake by sharing my thoughts with you, cause you might be overwhelmed by it and think a lot about it. I don't want you to, because I'd be really freaking you out. And that’s the last thing I want to happen, you running away from me because I’m so freaking obsessed about you. But I’m not. Please don't be freaked out....I mean, there's so much more where all this came from. I'm full of love for you, and this is just part of it. Ever wonder how much a human can love another?! It's amazing how much my heart can do that. I think I kind of know how much Jesus loves us. I'm so happy you're in my life. I feel in my heart such joy that it gives my heart that heavy feeling. I think you know what I’m talking about huh? It kind of hurt, but this hurt is a good one. I can’t believe how much feelings my heart can have every time I think about you. I guess all the words in the world can’t explain certain things, and I can write on forever about love. The best thing I can do is to live my life with love, that’s the best way to explain it. I'll talk to you later.... *whew* finally... I think I’m done for tonight. I need to take a mental break. Goodnight.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
E-mail My Heart
Hey Liem, You know what?! I feel so stupid for what I did today. I think my hormones was driving me today. LOL!! Or maybe It's really me. Who knows... I think I really do got the hots for you. Isn’t' that interesting?! I can't stop thinking about us. I think I need a break from you before I go crazy, dude... I think I’d die without you, and I'm usually not that dependent on you. Do you think I'm crazy?! Maybe huh? Oh the things you do to me and not even know it. I think we should break up so all these feelings will stop making me do crazy things. baby, I can trust you right? even though you said that I trust people too easily... you can see it huh? Maybe I shouldn't trust you either because you can be like them too. I hope not. You’re the only guy I can trust to a certain level, I trust no one completely but myself. But I’m slowly showing myself to you, there are some things I’d never tell my family about. Because I'm not as strong and smart as they want to think of me. I have flaws and blunders too. But that's not the best of me, you know that right? I think there's a quote by Marilynn Monroe that says "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." I think it's so true to every human being. Even you hunny. SO don't be discouraged to show me your flaws and blunders, because to me, it might be things I'll love most about you. I like it when you speak your mind to me, even when it seems like you're lecturing me. I guess that's how you talk to your friends... by "lecturing." Maybe you should become a teacher.. hehehe. Just kidding, I joke I joke. I guess its part of your personality. You seem so serious... and sometime it's misleading when you want to joke around. And I get you dear, I think you can be childish and funny, and sometimes mean too... but I like you anyway. Because I’m getting to know you better, and you're worth knowing.*winks* Can I get a kiss for sharing that thought?! I doubt it, since you're playing hard to get, and pretty well too I must say. But don't keep me waiting too long... I might feel inadequate in your eyes. Sometimes I feel not good enough for you, I know it's silly, but I can't help it. You’re so wonderful. I really like you. And if I really do, I’ll wait. And sorry about not knowing Hoa brother's name (Bore -spell??) I should have figured why his name is different. I have this impression that they're 100% Viet all this time. I didn't realize they're half Cambodian. I think I knew that from somewhere before. I felt so embarrassed that I didn't know. I know I'm not smart Liem, keep me in the light to know certain things okay?! I'm a quick learner. Just need to be notified, maybe more than once for some things. You'll get to know me better. I'm not the brightest person, but I’m learning. I do trust people too easily, but the Lord above protects me from evil. Man, I feel like I’m writing a journal. Should I send this to you?! Yeah... why not?! I don't know if you know, but when I write journals, it's either I'm writing to God or to you. Thoughts about you, I write to you. Things about my life... I write to god which includes you too anyways. hehehe... I told you one day I'll open up to you about what I was thinking that night when you were driving me home. I’ll attach it... so if you wanna read it, READ IT AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! You probably shouldn't know these things about me because you might think of me differently, but better know now then being held back in the dark right?! I think, for the most part it's good things. Things I'm slowly sharing with you. I don't want to keep it inside forever. What if I die and you'll never know?! That’ll be unfair and very heartbroken if you didn't know my thoughts about you. Sorry I’m writing so much. Ever wonder why I write journals?! So I can release all my thoughts and stop thinking about it. When I have it all down in a journal, and not in my head, I can focus on studying. I have so many thoughts right now that I need to vent all out so I can take a break from thinking about you and really start study for physiology. I can't believe I’m writing all this to you. Why didn't I write in my journal before this email to you? Anyways, I really need to focus on school. So I’ll be MIA from you for a while after this, plus that gives you some time to understand my journals. LOL. You probably think my thoughts run so easily from one thing to the next, which it does for the most part... but only the writer truly knows what she's talking about, the reader must analyze. hahahaha. Enjoy reading! I think you will, since it's about you anyway. I love you Liem, I’d tell you in person one day, and really mean it too, but for now, you can enjoy that thought through my journals. Goodnight! Sweet dreams. I think you probably read this while you're tutoring tomorrow. Sorry I started to write this after midnight and you're probably sleeping, try not to get too distracted by me okay?! Read this later after tutoring. I should put that as my title. Have a nice day Liem! I’m having second thoughts about sending this. Okay imma send it, I don't want to do the same things I did in the past and never share my thoughts with you.... for better or worse here it goes.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Summer Love
Yesterday, I had a great time with you. I think I told you I love you randomly twice last night. I don’t know where it came from. But I do speak what’s on my mind. It came from somewhere, inside. I tell Thao-Vi randomly that I love her sometimes. When I realized how much I miss her driving around with the van during the Florida trip, I told her I missed her. And she knows it too. Sometimes when she talks to me and tell me things I know are from her heart I tell her I love her, because she share those things with me and it’s sincere things. Sometimes it’s the simple things that make it the best moments of love. It was like that last night with me and you. You probably don’t even notice it, but you told me things that I can tell in my heart you were sincere and I’m glad that you shared it with me. I know how much I mean to you and it makes me happy. So, I couldn’t help but say I love you at that moment. It’s a habit I have with people I love that you don’t know about me yet. I know you’re happy that you’re with me. I understand what you mean about this summer you’ve accomplished a lot. There were things that you wanted to do a long time ago and it finally came true this year. This year has been different for me too. I guess we’re really happy that we’re finally together and actually having all our dreams and fantasy of having each other and growing in love or just having someone that understands come true. I guess being in a relationship is fun. We learn from each other and just simply enjoying each other’s company and sometimes having lovely moments of what it’s like to have a companion. That feeling of liking someone and they like you back and cares for you too is just wonderful. I know things happen that made us want to be apart, but we still stayed together. It makes it more worthwhile. My mom and dad are very strict on me, but you still want to be with me in spite of their feelings towards you. They still are strict, but somehow, it’s better now. We work our way around those things. As long we stay true to each other and trust each other, we can be happy with each other no matter what. Our relationship works for me. And I’m very happy in this relationship. I’m slowly showing myself to you, which I never done with anyone before, and I’m glad it’s you because I wanted to do that especially with you for a long time now. And I know you do too. I’m slowly getting to know you better and slowly trusting you with things I would never tell anyone, even my family. I can’t talk to my family about everything in my life right now. Being at our age; living in our world; being a couple; growing together and loving each other in this relationship in a way that’s different from family love is not easy. It’s hard living in this world, but having someone like you by my side make it easier and worthwhile. We’ve choose to be together and learn from each other; not like family where we naturally have to love our family members and understand for each other. So, our relationship is different and that makes it special. And having it makes me live my life in an enjoyable worthwhile fulfilling way. Sometimes I can sense it when I look at you; and what you’re thinking, and somehow I think you feel it from me too. Sometimes when you look at me and I look at you, and we’re so quiet and I don’t know what to say, and you don’t either, but the feelings we probably feel inside says it all. I’m glad you were trying to share your thoughts with me too. I can’t wait until next time I see you. I want to see you everyday. Because I love you so much. Maybe One day I’ll marry you and spend all the time I want with you, so then I don’t have to wait. I’m still waiting on my first kiss with you. So miserable without kissing you to death, so you know how many times I wanted you to kiss me? I find many moments where it’s so perfect to share a kiss with you, but we don’t!! Why!?!? I hope we can share more feelings, experiences, and more love with each other. It’s not like I want to have sex with you, I can’t wait for that either, but I want to share with you other things like first kiss, first make-out, first dance, first serenade (from you to me), first romantic date, first anniversary. Yesterday was the first time you bought me a shirt and first time sipping from the same cup from two straws like they do in movies. LOL! And you setting up my food and I think you took my hand to hold it. It was the first time we had a great double date with Hoa and Chino too. I was more myself than I was a few months ago. Yesterday was also my first time seeing you drink alcohol. Man, you’re good at handling your alcohol. I was impressed. I like that about a man. Very sexy. But I don’t want to compliment on it, I don’t want you to turn to an alcoholic nah. But damn was it attractive. I was attracted to the manly things you do. I know you’re a gentlemen too. I think you kind of played with my hair at the mall yesterday too. You usually don’t do that. It’s either you’re kind of buzzed from the Mojito or you really like me. You know I only let you touch me right?! I mean in a loving way, not abusive way. I would have a problem with other guys touching me like that. But with you, it’s different. I want you to touch me. Makes me feel like your lady and only yours. So baby, love me all you want. I like it. But I trust you to be a gentlemen too. And it’s cool if you don’t want to kiss me in front of other people, like single people, but who cares. I like you and I’m not afraid to show it. There are times when we are alone too... what’s keeping you from kissing me? I really want you to kiss me. I mean I can kiss you easily, but having you kiss me, Oh yes!! It’s harder but more worth the wait. I hope you kiss me good too, don’t have me disappointed. LOL! Just kidding. Don’t worry. I’d kiss you right back with all my heart. I hope you won’t be disappointed with my kiss to you. Let’s just enjoy it okay?! I was laughing so hard yesterday. I was being silly. Hope you’re not embarrassed by it. I’m kind of funny. I know. But you can be too. I know somewhere in that funny person you have a little boy waiting to come out to play. Come play with me okay?! Keep me young. I’m a child at heart, I hope you are one too.
Friday, July 6, 2007
7/6/07
11:31 PM 7/5/2007
TOday, Julius came up to me and talked to me, trying to sound nice, but i know he's not nice. He's so fake. I'm so pissed at that man! but then william came by just to say hi, he didn't know what julius just said to me though. I asked william if he's going to eat lunch, and he said yeah, so i ate lunch with him. I didn't want to sit there thinking about what julius said or tried to do. I'm glad i went to lunch with him. He told me the juiciest stories about John's girlfriend quynh-anh. Man I couldn't believe him, but he proved it was real and not fake. Man!!! Oh my God juiciest story ever!! That made me feel better. and we kept talking and he told me about why my-hanh broke up with. Left him out cold during the hurricane. man that was mean. But what quynh-anh did to him was mean too. I told him, he;s setting himself up to get hurt. and Then i told him about liem too, how liem forgave me for doing the same thing my-hanh did to him. I didn't leave Liem because of the same reason my-hanh did. she left william because he lost everything during the storm. I just left liem cause I can't handle being in a relationship and was too young to know what i was doing. I never gave liem an explanation until way after it happened. But it's all behind us now and we're doing okay. I told william i never want to hurt liem again. i rather liem hurt me. he said that's what a guy that really loves you would do, they'd forgive you, no matter how much you hurt them. And i'm happy liem did. Anyways, after lunch he asked me to go to the gym with him, but I can't i have to sutdy and alot of other excuses i had. I told him i'd go but i won't work out cause i didn't wear the right clothes and i needed to pick up adrian from summer school. turn out i remembered he didn't go to school today. So i went to study for about 4 hours and william came by the lab after 5 and saw me and stayed and talked to me more about his juicy story. I can't beleive he made out with her!! and she's with john. and he told me alot of stories about other girls too and how they'd throw themselves at him. I told him he's a player and that's not good. He told me to stop hating on him and kinda got mad at me, and i apologized for being rude and telling him straightforwardly that i think he's a player. I told him He can change his ways, and he wants to too because he doesn't like the girls that throw themselves at him. He told me he likes syeda and been asking me like a million times to put in a good word for him to her. i got fed up and told him to give me her email. and i emailed her about school and told her that i got her email from william so that next time i email her i can talk about william to her without being obvious that i want to talk about him to her. LOL. Then one day eventually i can tell her all the good things and hiding the bad things about william to her. But honestly, I don't like william because he seems like a player and he falls for any girl that he thinks is pretty. I think syeda is a nice girl and she deserves better. But if william truly likes her and can change his ways about girls, then i'd reconsider. that's why i haven't talk to syeda much yet. I hope she doesn't email me back soon. i have tests coming up. and i hope william is serious about syeda too, because she's a medical student and needs to really focus. What if she do likes william back but doesn't want to actually go out with because she's busy with school. he have to understand for her. And i just don't get why quynh would make out with william, it has to be something he did to make her do that. I told william maybe she didn't want to lose him in her life after he told her to stop leading him on and make a decision by kissing him now if she likes him or stop it all together. I mean i would kiss a guy i care about alot to keep him in my life if i had to. I would never want to lose liem in my life. I guess quynhanh felt that way to william, although he is just a friend but i bet for a fact she cares about william even though she has a boyfriend. However, I told william that she would not leave john for him because she's been with him for so long. she's just confused or stressed out and did a silly thing in that one moment. Although william did say the way she came on to him, the way she dressed and how she wanted to go to his house and stuff. I was like Whoa-day... i didn't know she was like that. I told him i never made out with anyone before, not even my boyfriend. he was like it's the best feeling in the world and like how i'm missing out and stuff. he said he kissed alot of girls before, I was like, man you kiss and tell!! i just can't beleive everything i heard from william today. he told me to keep it a secret.. oh and there's something about Co Mai too!!! but he didn't tell me!! =( next time i'll make him tell me. man, william talks alot. but he has alot of bad but juicy stories. I rather have liem though, he doens't have not much stories to tell me, but at least i know he's a good guy. he doesn't have alot of bad stories because he's making good ones with me. I heart liem. But i can still be friends with william right huh?! i hope liem knows he can trust me. I told william that me and him are just friends. we're cool with that. well at least i think so. i told him he can tell me stuff and not be afraid I'd think differently of him. he asked me how i think he looks. i told him he looks okay for a white guy. and he felt depressed because i didn't told him he was handsome. I was like, I'm telling you the truth, what do you want me to say? you're fine like brad pitt?! He was like, man just lie to me. I was like i say what's on my mind... I told him, you're getting to know me a little better, I'm not nice as you'd think. I say mean things. but i tell you the truth. and that's something to honor. He said he thought i was a nice girl. i mean i still am, but i'm not all sugar and sweet. i'm nice, but i have some spice too. no one's perfect. not me anyways. then he toldme he was glad i stayed back late at school, he wanted to tell someone about what had happened with him and quynhanh. and alot of other things to. he said he miss hanging out with friends and stuff. THen i told him i'm boutta go, and he said he'd walk me to the garage where we park our cars, but then he had to lock his office so we went to his office and he showed me pictures on his computer of the girl he dated in vietnam. he told me they don't talk anymore, and something bad happened.... i joked with him that she probably found a new man. and i finally told him about Vn girls and how they try to take advantage of guys for their money. he knew about too, but he really believed that khanh genuinely likes him. I was like okay. whatever you say dude. and then he showed me emails about all the girls he talked about, like quynhanh. at first i kept telling him that i didn't believe him. but when he showed me the email i said sorry. then he talked more about vn and we were talking about talking in vietnamese and then somehow we decided to go to puccino's. so we went to puccino's and he bought me a coffee. and then we stayed there until like 9 just chilling playing on the computer talk about math and i showed him pictures. watched some you tube and dl a song he wanted me to hear. which i didn't like. =\ but oh wells, he showed me some hindu language stuff and just talk about random stuff. like what music we listen to what we do for fun and why we like the things we like. He likes traveling and i like doing activites or trying new things. talked about florida and vacations spots. talked about fireworks too. and about the viet girl that goes there to play video poker for hours. We just hang out, i haven't hang out with a friend doing just random things. I told him i only do stuff with my family, liem and classmates. I haven't spend time wiht any friend in a while. I was getting to know him better outside of school. we just got to know each other better. he's a cool guy and he can change his ways but i doubt it. he's talking to me, and sometimes he seemed too friendly, but i act like i don't catch on quick with those things even though i do, i just don't acknowledge it and hope he understand we're just friends. he'll get to know me better that i don't do crazy things like cheat on my boyfriend, but i bet he's thougth of that. he thinks i would do that. but if he gets to know me better, he'll see that's the last thing i would do. i mean what if william had a girlfriend, he wouldn't want her to cheat on him right?! what if there was a guy friend like william always with his Gf flirting like crazy?! can he trust her?! I'm so much better than he thinks of me. I can control myself and would never do anything like that to myself, and not to mention my boyfriend. I don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else, liem and him too. I think about the consequences too. i highly respect myself more than i think he thinks of me. I hope william come to find that i'm a very respectable person. and i would like that he'll learn to respect girls more after he gets to know me. not every girl is the same. I'm not the girls that he usually meets, that throws themselves at him. he'll like me, but we're just friends. and if there's one girl like me out there, there's has to be another one. I hope he knows that he should like me as a friend and nothing more. He tends to think that way because it happened to him so many times. I'm here to make him see that i'm different. not all girls like one type of guy. I like william too because he makes me laugh and talks to me without being all wierd. i like that he's himself and he has alot of strong characteristics that i admire guys of having. they're more bold and funny. that's why i like having guy friends more than girl friends, they're more laid back and not to high maintence like some girls are. I mean i am kinda girly.. i can't help it i am a girl... but around guys, i don't have to be too girly. I can be more of myself around guys than girls. With girls, i have to be more cheer-y and nice. only time i gotta be girly to a guy is to liem because i want him to like me. i mean, I'm his friend too, but i want to be his girlfriend more. but generally, i like having guy friends. and i hope any guy friends i have doesn't think that there can be more. other than liem of course. I want guys to be friends with me and not feel uncomfortable with having a girl as a friend or expect the girl to liekhim just because she enjoys having him as a friend. not all girls fall for their guy friends. 1:01 AM 7/6/2007, man i wrote alot. i'm going to sleep now. night.
TOday, Julius came up to me and talked to me, trying to sound nice, but i know he's not nice. He's so fake. I'm so pissed at that man! but then william came by just to say hi, he didn't know what julius just said to me though. I asked william if he's going to eat lunch, and he said yeah, so i ate lunch with him. I didn't want to sit there thinking about what julius said or tried to do. I'm glad i went to lunch with him. He told me the juiciest stories about John's girlfriend quynh-anh. Man I couldn't believe him, but he proved it was real and not fake. Man!!! Oh my God juiciest story ever!! That made me feel better. and we kept talking and he told me about why my-hanh broke up with. Left him out cold during the hurricane. man that was mean. But what quynh-anh did to him was mean too. I told him, he;s setting himself up to get hurt. and Then i told him about liem too, how liem forgave me for doing the same thing my-hanh did to him. I didn't leave Liem because of the same reason my-hanh did. she left william because he lost everything during the storm. I just left liem cause I can't handle being in a relationship and was too young to know what i was doing. I never gave liem an explanation until way after it happened. But it's all behind us now and we're doing okay. I told william i never want to hurt liem again. i rather liem hurt me. he said that's what a guy that really loves you would do, they'd forgive you, no matter how much you hurt them. And i'm happy liem did. Anyways, after lunch he asked me to go to the gym with him, but I can't i have to sutdy and alot of other excuses i had. I told him i'd go but i won't work out cause i didn't wear the right clothes and i needed to pick up adrian from summer school. turn out i remembered he didn't go to school today. So i went to study for about 4 hours and william came by the lab after 5 and saw me and stayed and talked to me more about his juicy story. I can't beleive he made out with her!! and she's with john. and he told me alot of stories about other girls too and how they'd throw themselves at him. I told him he's a player and that's not good. He told me to stop hating on him and kinda got mad at me, and i apologized for being rude and telling him straightforwardly that i think he's a player. I told him He can change his ways, and he wants to too because he doesn't like the girls that throw themselves at him. He told me he likes syeda and been asking me like a million times to put in a good word for him to her. i got fed up and told him to give me her email. and i emailed her about school and told her that i got her email from william so that next time i email her i can talk about william to her without being obvious that i want to talk about him to her. LOL. Then one day eventually i can tell her all the good things and hiding the bad things about william to her. But honestly, I don't like william because he seems like a player and he falls for any girl that he thinks is pretty. I think syeda is a nice girl and she deserves better. But if william truly likes her and can change his ways about girls, then i'd reconsider. that's why i haven't talk to syeda much yet. I hope she doesn't email me back soon. i have tests coming up. and i hope william is serious about syeda too, because she's a medical student and needs to really focus. What if she do likes william back but doesn't want to actually go out with because she's busy with school. he have to understand for her. And i just don't get why quynh would make out with william, it has to be something he did to make her do that. I told william maybe she didn't want to lose him in her life after he told her to stop leading him on and make a decision by kissing him now if she likes him or stop it all together. I mean i would kiss a guy i care about alot to keep him in my life if i had to. I would never want to lose liem in my life. I guess quynhanh felt that way to william, although he is just a friend but i bet for a fact she cares about william even though she has a boyfriend. However, I told william that she would not leave john for him because she's been with him for so long. she's just confused or stressed out and did a silly thing in that one moment. Although william did say the way she came on to him, the way she dressed and how she wanted to go to his house and stuff. I was like Whoa-day... i didn't know she was like that. I told him i never made out with anyone before, not even my boyfriend. he was like it's the best feeling in the world and like how i'm missing out and stuff. he said he kissed alot of girls before, I was like, man you kiss and tell!! i just can't beleive everything i heard from william today. he told me to keep it a secret.. oh and there's something about Co Mai too!!! but he didn't tell me!! =( next time i'll make him tell me. man, william talks alot. but he has alot of bad but juicy stories. I rather have liem though, he doens't have not much stories to tell me, but at least i know he's a good guy. he doesn't have alot of bad stories because he's making good ones with me. I heart liem. But i can still be friends with william right huh?! i hope liem knows he can trust me. I told william that me and him are just friends. we're cool with that. well at least i think so. i told him he can tell me stuff and not be afraid I'd think differently of him. he asked me how i think he looks. i told him he looks okay for a white guy. and he felt depressed because i didn't told him he was handsome. I was like, I'm telling you the truth, what do you want me to say? you're fine like brad pitt?! He was like, man just lie to me. I was like i say what's on my mind... I told him, you're getting to know me a little better, I'm not nice as you'd think. I say mean things. but i tell you the truth. and that's something to honor. He said he thought i was a nice girl. i mean i still am, but i'm not all sugar and sweet. i'm nice, but i have some spice too. no one's perfect. not me anyways. then he toldme he was glad i stayed back late at school, he wanted to tell someone about what had happened with him and quynhanh. and alot of other things to. he said he miss hanging out with friends and stuff. THen i told him i'm boutta go, and he said he'd walk me to the garage where we park our cars, but then he had to lock his office so we went to his office and he showed me pictures on his computer of the girl he dated in vietnam. he told me they don't talk anymore, and something bad happened.... i joked with him that she probably found a new man. and i finally told him about Vn girls and how they try to take advantage of guys for their money. he knew about too, but he really believed that khanh genuinely likes him. I was like okay. whatever you say dude. and then he showed me emails about all the girls he talked about, like quynhanh. at first i kept telling him that i didn't believe him. but when he showed me the email i said sorry. then he talked more about vn and we were talking about talking in vietnamese and then somehow we decided to go to puccino's. so we went to puccino's and he bought me a coffee. and then we stayed there until like 9 just chilling playing on the computer talk about math and i showed him pictures. watched some you tube and dl a song he wanted me to hear. which i didn't like. =\ but oh wells, he showed me some hindu language stuff and just talk about random stuff. like what music we listen to what we do for fun and why we like the things we like. He likes traveling and i like doing activites or trying new things. talked about florida and vacations spots. talked about fireworks too. and about the viet girl that goes there to play video poker for hours. We just hang out, i haven't hang out with a friend doing just random things. I told him i only do stuff with my family, liem and classmates. I haven't spend time wiht any friend in a while. I was getting to know him better outside of school. we just got to know each other better. he's a cool guy and he can change his ways but i doubt it. he's talking to me, and sometimes he seemed too friendly, but i act like i don't catch on quick with those things even though i do, i just don't acknowledge it and hope he understand we're just friends. he'll get to know me better that i don't do crazy things like cheat on my boyfriend, but i bet he's thougth of that. he thinks i would do that. but if he gets to know me better, he'll see that's the last thing i would do. i mean what if william had a girlfriend, he wouldn't want her to cheat on him right?! what if there was a guy friend like william always with his Gf flirting like crazy?! can he trust her?! I'm so much better than he thinks of me. I can control myself and would never do anything like that to myself, and not to mention my boyfriend. I don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else, liem and him too. I think about the consequences too. i highly respect myself more than i think he thinks of me. I hope william come to find that i'm a very respectable person. and i would like that he'll learn to respect girls more after he gets to know me. not every girl is the same. I'm not the girls that he usually meets, that throws themselves at him. he'll like me, but we're just friends. and if there's one girl like me out there, there's has to be another one. I hope he knows that he should like me as a friend and nothing more. He tends to think that way because it happened to him so many times. I'm here to make him see that i'm different. not all girls like one type of guy. I like william too because he makes me laugh and talks to me without being all wierd. i like that he's himself and he has alot of strong characteristics that i admire guys of having. they're more bold and funny. that's why i like having guy friends more than girl friends, they're more laid back and not to high maintence like some girls are. I mean i am kinda girly.. i can't help it i am a girl... but around guys, i don't have to be too girly. I can be more of myself around guys than girls. With girls, i have to be more cheer-y and nice. only time i gotta be girly to a guy is to liem because i want him to like me. i mean, I'm his friend too, but i want to be his girlfriend more. but generally, i like having guy friends. and i hope any guy friends i have doesn't think that there can be more. other than liem of course. I want guys to be friends with me and not feel uncomfortable with having a girl as a friend or expect the girl to liekhim just because she enjoys having him as a friend. not all girls fall for their guy friends. 1:01 AM 7/6/2007, man i wrote alot. i'm going to sleep now. night.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
7/3/07
It's been over a month since I've been in cardiopulomonary program. I really like school. and the things we learn is so interesting and makes sense. I just hope and wish I can understand and know the material. Please let me take whole advantage of the school! I really like the school. But studying too much can over-do me. So I'm taking a break tomorrow and go to the beach and kayaking for july 4th. Chi DIane just made her first vows and now she's So Diane. I'm very happy for her and May god bless her. Dear God, She's a blessing. Keep her safe in your arms, No matter what she's doing and where ever she may be, Let her feel safe and at peace with you. Even though there are things that aren't perfect, i find myself at peace with my life. And I enjoy it very much. The stress in it is just about right. I thought it would be overwhelming, Well, at times it is, But I can look forward to the light and positive things in my life and not focus too much on the hard things. With you, everything will be okay. I pray less, but everytime i do pray, I really mean it. I hope I can live my life better and change for the better each day. there are things that i can't change, Well, i can change, but I don't know. I need human affection, I wish my boyfriend would show more affection to me. But i can wait til he's ready. Sometimes i think we're boring, I wish we can do more... Talk more, Hold each other more. I don't know really. I want to enjoy the thingsi used to enjoy, like reading books for fun. Or watch Tv. Drive and go shopping. I've sacrificed alot for this school. And It's okay. I guess In some ways I was prepared for this lifestyle. a poor no time to life med-student. I hope i become a good health profession. I think I want to be a respiratory therapist now. and an echocardiologist too. I want to study more and learn more. I wish My brain is smart. It is, I just need to spend more time with the material and hopefully next semester gives me more comfort with more time to study and learn and like the material. I wantn to love studying medically. I want to save lives and make a difference. In the times I'm needed most. I want to fulfill my purpose of my life. Dear God, I hope that is your will for me. If it is not, I'm still doing good for the world right? Bless me father. Protect me and guide me. I love you and i love my life. Can i give it all up to be with you?! Sure, That would be fine too. I'm enjoying it, and having this chance, Is an honor in my lifetime. I feel good. I love you jesus, you're great to me. I feel anything hard in my life, is not so bad, When i have youin it with me. Thanks, for always being there.
1:14 AM 7/3/2007
I can't sleep, so i'm here just writing down thoughts. I told my classmates about how liem never met my parents. and i never met his. I told them that i don't bring home any guy. it has to be the one. th eone that i'm going to marry. so, yeah they know i date liem, but he haven't been home, until i knoe he's the one. People say they who's the one. I really want liem to be it, but i just don't know if he's the one until i know. so until that day comes, I'll just keep guys away from my house. Is that being mean to my boyfriend, somewhat unreasonable to him? i hope not, but i hope he understands, would he want to marry a girl who takes any guy home?! would he want a girl who seriously think about the person she's marrying, even if that person may be him? It somewhat keeps an open door to other guys, but He shouldn't feel that way if he's confident that I want to be withhim, he also have to feel the same about me to, and so far, i don't feel it. I mean He's a nice boyfriend, and he's still learnign about me and how i am. But one day when and if (him) or anyone that makes me feel that he's The One, I would seriously not waste anymore time with boyfriend realtionship and more like companion relationship to me significant other. I don't feel those things to liem. bUT I CAN'T WAIT. i know he's capable of being a husband like kinda person to his true love, but right now i don't feel it. I do hope it's him, then things would be easier when we do start to get more serious. But I just don't knwo yet, he's just my boyfriend. and i like him very much, there are things i trust with him, but not everything. I want to share certain things to my future husband only and that keeps me from sharing things with liem, and i don't want to talk about it because I would only share it with my hubby to be, but for now, it's not liem. or it's not him yet. I knwo i can trust a hubby to be person more than a boyfriend. as long as liem is my boyfriend, he will only be my boyfriend. i feel kinda apathetic of liem right now. I feel that maybe me and liem aren't going to marry each other, we're good together, but i need more. there's so much i want for him, like i want him to finish school and be somebody, so he's feel he has a purpose to his life and enjoy it with someone he choose to love, (like me) hehe.. I want him to love me. he still have his impression of me, but once he gets to knwo me more, he's like me right?! i find that i do. I just need to talk to him more. tell him things he's not expecting to hear. I wish he asked me to stay home to spend more time with him. but he didn't and it's okay, it gives me time to spend with my family. either way, i was taking time off from school to life my life a little. and i feel greatful that dr. pellett was cool with that. I'll see him friday. okay i'm going to sleep now, I feel better that i took somethings off my mind. now all i have to do is talk to liem. and pray more to god. You have a goodnight jesus.
1:14 AM 7/3/2007
I can't sleep, so i'm here just writing down thoughts. I told my classmates about how liem never met my parents. and i never met his. I told them that i don't bring home any guy. it has to be the one. th eone that i'm going to marry. so, yeah they know i date liem, but he haven't been home, until i knoe he's the one. People say they who's the one. I really want liem to be it, but i just don't know if he's the one until i know. so until that day comes, I'll just keep guys away from my house. Is that being mean to my boyfriend, somewhat unreasonable to him? i hope not, but i hope he understands, would he want to marry a girl who takes any guy home?! would he want a girl who seriously think about the person she's marrying, even if that person may be him? It somewhat keeps an open door to other guys, but He shouldn't feel that way if he's confident that I want to be withhim, he also have to feel the same about me to, and so far, i don't feel it. I mean He's a nice boyfriend, and he's still learnign about me and how i am. But one day when and if (him) or anyone that makes me feel that he's The One, I would seriously not waste anymore time with boyfriend realtionship and more like companion relationship to me significant other. I don't feel those things to liem. bUT I CAN'T WAIT. i know he's capable of being a husband like kinda person to his true love, but right now i don't feel it. I do hope it's him, then things would be easier when we do start to get more serious. But I just don't knwo yet, he's just my boyfriend. and i like him very much, there are things i trust with him, but not everything. I want to share certain things to my future husband only and that keeps me from sharing things with liem, and i don't want to talk about it because I would only share it with my hubby to be, but for now, it's not liem. or it's not him yet. I knwo i can trust a hubby to be person more than a boyfriend. as long as liem is my boyfriend, he will only be my boyfriend. i feel kinda apathetic of liem right now. I feel that maybe me and liem aren't going to marry each other, we're good together, but i need more. there's so much i want for him, like i want him to finish school and be somebody, so he's feel he has a purpose to his life and enjoy it with someone he choose to love, (like me) hehe.. I want him to love me. he still have his impression of me, but once he gets to knwo me more, he's like me right?! i find that i do. I just need to talk to him more. tell him things he's not expecting to hear. I wish he asked me to stay home to spend more time with him. but he didn't and it's okay, it gives me time to spend with my family. either way, i was taking time off from school to life my life a little. and i feel greatful that dr. pellett was cool with that. I'll see him friday. okay i'm going to sleep now, I feel better that i took somethings off my mind. now all i have to do is talk to liem. and pray more to god. You have a goodnight jesus.