And Again

What was i thinking? Now, it's so different. I'm staying with liem because i really do love him, and i'm trying my best, but i'mnot going to be stupid and spend money on him, he doesn't want to either, both are scared we will get hurt and when we do break up it will be hard. like Chi Juie still paying off her credit card bills from her stupidity from trung and david. I can't believe it, i guess it makes them more wise abotu their moneyy. And i should too. i won't give in to that. especially with liem. There's alwys an open chance that we will hurt each other. But i hope i don't hurt him andi hope he doesn't hurt me, but it we were to get hurt, i would rather be hurt than hurt him. i reall ylove him. I shouldn't have pressured him the way i have.... because lord knows he doesn't pressure me in any uncomfortable way. and he doesn't make me do anything that i don't want to. Only i want to. Like kissing him and hold his hands and talking to him everyday and spending money on him. He doesn't want me to but i do. But now it's different. i won't have to spend cause i'm not ready to give my all to him. and it was him that made me realize that. i'm still trying to learn more about him and learn from mistakes and appreciate him. and grow in love with him. we argued for the first time. but we still have fun too. it's weird how we can be so mean to each other but love each other so much. without kissing though. we hold hands hugs and looks and talk. i took a risk yesterday and i'm glad i did. it was from God's grace that granted me that courage and idea to do. it will always be memorable even if we break up but more that we will remember it and still be together.

A new year, a new start

I'm glad i have sisters that love me. i wish i was wiser and nicer to them and not as conniving as they think i am. I'm not smart. I just do what i do. Man, Am i that mean? Anyways, I think me and liem is going to break up. he doesn't treat me as i deserve, maybe he's like chu hieu and is very cheap, but you can't be cheap to your girlfriend like that. may liem doesn't like me that much. and i'm not worth anything to him. i thought i was more than that. Man was i wrong, but i'm glad i figured this out before it's too late. So i htink imma just cool i todwn a lil bit, and give him one more chance. he made me sad twice. One for not appreciating me because of my gift. and that he didn't treat me well, after having the upper hand of knowing what he got for christmas. and when he didn't call me back after i told him we're going to spend less time. Why is he still with me? Is he using me? probably is, but this new year, it's going to be diferent. I'mnot putting anohter dime in our relationship. If he can't pay attention to me and make me happy then i'mnot going to try twice as hard in effort for this relationship to work. I want us to be together, but i need him to meet me half way and i don';t fell that way this past week. Oh well, I don't know i'm jst going to give him one more chance, and i'm beingnice like i am. i know he doesn't know how to hit on girls or flirt but at least give an effort. I dont' need him if he's going to be that way. If he can support me now, how am i going to be able to trust him and dpend on him for support. Not in finacial ways but in emotional ways too. I feel he doesn' tlike me, andi dont' desreve that kind of treatment.

Letter to Liem

I don't know what you're probably going through. Maybe i'm just silly, but maybe you're thinking twice about our relationship. and maybe, just maybe you want to break up with me. and it's really it's okay by me. I think i can handle breaking up with you again. You know i really like you. maybe it's hard for you to understand why i do. But i do. You might be worried about how we are both so different. i know you sometimes feel uncomfortable with me when it comes to money. I hope you know i'm not with you for your money. don't think having money will make me happy. There's people rich with money but poor in other ways. Well, my dear, you may not have alot money but you're rich in love and kindness. you might not know it, but sometimes you sell yourself a little short. you're capable of so much more than some rich guy. A rich guy doesn't know how to work hard for what he has, they may have been spoon fed all their life and take for granted what they have. but for someone who have to work hard for what they have, they are rich in strength, determination, and hardworking ability. Money doesn't make a man better than others. strip all that away what would you have. Probably a cocky lazyass. So, don't think that giving me fancy things will make me happy. Just be yourself.

And the thing about my mom and dad. we'll be okay. they're grown ups, they have to understand for us. We're still growing. we're not perfect, people make mistakes, even them, we gotta learn and learn it all together. they're giving you a chance for their trust. Well, maybe not my dad for now, he has this big male ego, and it's hard to talk to him, but give him a lil time. he'll come around. He's very a smart man and very understandable. You gotta understand for him too. we're all just people trying to get along that's all. maybe i'm over simplifying it. but I don't want you to get scared and freak out, cuz lord knows i am too. But i'm glad i'm with you. if i never start dating you, i wouldn't understand all this. about how hard life is, and how we still gotta move on and keep living. It's all part of growing up. I'm glad i'm doing this now than later. you know i couldn't do this alone right? My dad has little faith that my first love will last, and it's funny because maybe it is true. I hope you don't give up on us yet. But it's okay you do. maybe this is all i can have of you. and maybe it's just my luck. And somehow it shows how right my parents are. either way, i'm glad i'm a lil wiser and love my parents even more. I'm grateful i've experienced this and whose more pefect than having you beside me while i go through this? Thanks liem. and If you'll still have me, I still want to thank you too anyways.

Oh BTW, i didn't go to pensacola this weekend. My mom cancel the trip. I went to confession today. it was good. What's up with that song on your page? sometimes you scare me liem, anyways listen to my song. Hope to talk to you soon.

In a Larger Sense

Doing alot of thinking than usual.
It's easy to do something wrong, but twice as hard for doing good. I'm trying to make it the opposite, that doing good comes naturally for me, and I would have to think twice before I do something bad. I was so tempted to do something horribly wrong just to get it over and done with, to show the world I'm not perfect, and that no one is good. But in faith, there is good. I find it everyday. I'm fighting a good fight, in my little ways in life. Every little thing you decide to do everyday out of goodness makes you who you are. I see how life in our times can be hard not to fall into the crowd. everyone, if not, many think that it's normal for me to date at this age. that what I do is normal. and sure, i agree it is. Going out at night doesn't make you a bad person. Being disobedient to your parents is, and I don't want to do that. My parents don't understand life is not easy for us youngsters, it's harder to be a good person, and it's even harder to find a good boyfriend. That what makes me want to live my life even more. And appreciate my boyfriend even more. My parents say that my first love is doomed to fail. That's not something you would want to wish on your daughter. I know they didn't mean that. My first love is still in the making. My parents isn't making my life any easier, my own parents. I'm imagining how the devil is using my own parents to confuse how I want to live my life. I'm not judging other people, and I'm not judging my parents. But I can judge my life. I know in prayer and in faith, I'll be okay.

It's Getting Hard

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are Young, but set an example for the Believers in Speech, in Life, in Love, in Faith, and in Purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)"

It's easy to go on a path when it is Wide, but to travel on a road that is Narrow, it's not easy. I really want to be a good daughter. It's as simple as that, but it takes alot of little steps/sacrifices. Many people may think that a 22 year old girl is old enough to go out at night and really shouldn't have a curfew. Maybe it's ridiculous to some people that my curfew is way earlier compared to a girl who's younger than me. Or even having a curfew altogether is absurd. But I can't compare myself to other girls, because I'm not like other girls. I don't have their parents. I want to be my parent's daughter as long as I can. It's not easy to raise me and I want to be understanding for my parents. One day I'll be one too. and I'm glad they're not giving up on me easily. But for a second, last night, they made me question that. I felt so sad. I know i'm still young and may not know or fully understand life as much as they have. But damn, They have to understand for me too. I'm not perfect, but that doesn't mean they can't help me no longer. I felt threatened of losing their respect, love, and guidance by the things I said last night.
I told them I'm not doing anything wrong and they should trust me, I never did anything horribly wrong before. And they should trust me more than that. I'm not scared of what they may think of me. A dumb, boy crazy, whore who goes out at night and do bad things. I know, in my heart, that I'm a good person and I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not afraid of what other people may think of me. When I'm with my boyfriend in the day or night time, I am being myself. I can go to sleep at night without a guilty conscience. I live for myself, and what I decide to do is my choice. But still, that doesn't give me the excuse to do whatever I want. Or that I still have a chance to do something wrong. I hurted my parents. They feel they no longer have to be my parents, because I can make my own decisions, but in reality I still need them. I need them to show me how to be good parents too. Maybe I'm not being what is expected of me. They have to understand it's not easy, and for them to leave me hanging for a second made me feel sad. but I shouldn't have put them in that position in the first place. It's not easy being a perfect daughter as it is for them to be perfect parents. We have to understand for each other. how can i tell my parents that? That's like teaching them how to be my parents. That's not what I want to do, I'm not courageous enough to tell my parents how to be my mom and dad. I feel that's disrespectful.
Although I had good points, but for me to even dare say those things, I really hurted them, even when the things I say may be true and upright, I really didn't want to hurt them. They felt they no longer can say anything to me anymore because I'm all grown up now. Maybe I can make my own decision in one certain aspect of my life, but there are other things I still need them for. Once you're someone's parent, you can never stop being their parent. I made my parents felt like their hands were tied. I made them feel there's nothing they can do to make me understand or listen to them. That I don't understand what they do is out of love and for the best for my future. I don't know what to say to my parents. They're being overly protective. But that's just natural for them. I'm sorry I made them feel like I don't need their love. That they have to threaten me of losing it to understand it.
How can I tell my boyfriend that I can't go out with him as much at night time anymore? That's just hurtful to say to someone you like and really care about. How can he respond to that when he's already trying his best. I want to be honest with him and true to myself. I want to be able to trust him. I really need him with me cause I can't do this alone. I want my parents to like him. Maybe we can take this as our little step together. Maybe we can show my mom and dad what a good boyfriend he is. We can still go out in the daytime when we do have time, which I know is very little. but we can cherish the little time we have to spend with each other even more. If he really wants to be with me, he wouldn't mind right? we can compromise. But if he can't, If this is not what he wants, then it is best we no longer continue our relationship. Heartbreaking, yes. But it'll be okay. It's what we decide to do that defines us and our relationship. We can learn something here. I'm still learning as I go. Learn with me.
I know we hardly go out alot. I know time is limited with our busy schedule. But I'm always obedient to my parents, and I'm not changing that. I do feel pressure to do so oherwise, by my own little sister and my cousins and even my boyfriend. Maybe I'm asking for too much from my boyfriend. But anything worth doing is not easy. I wouldn't be strong enough to this years ago, but Lord knows I'm strong enough now. I love my parents, who doesn't?! and my parents love me too. How can good parents not love their children. No one can stop that love. They just want the best for me and my future. I know it's not easy to be my boyfriend. It's not easy to find a good boyfriend either. It's not easy to be a good person in general. We choose what we want to do in life, and it is what we do in action that defines who we are, in our hearts, and in our minds.

Pictures

Linda and Van (Ring Ceremony)

Sean Paul Van (Thanksgiving)
 
Thao-Vi, Sean, Paul, and Christian.

Sean and Van

Joshua, Adrian, Tanner, Katelyn.

Vuong w/ the kids... look at baby Leah

Funny Faces

All Smiles (Thanksgiving weekend)

Rewind 5 years back Christmas. LOL. I never had a copy of this picture until now. I LOVE you guys!

The Giving Trees

I was a single parent of four small children, working at a minimum-wage job. Money was always tight, but we had a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs, and if not a lot, always enough. My kids told me that in those days they didn't know we were poor. They just thought Mom was cheap. I've always been glad about that.

It was Christmas time, and although there wasn't' money for a lot of gifts, we planned to celebrate with church and family, parties and friends, drives downtown to see the Christmas lights, special dinners, and by decorating our home.

But the big excitement for the kids was the fun of Christmas shopping at the mall. They talked and planned for weeks ahead of time, asking each other and their grandparents what they wanted for Christmas. I dreaded it. I had saved $120 for presents to be shared by all five of us.

The big day arrived and we started out early. I gave each of the four kids a twenty dollar bill and reminded them to look for gifts about four dollars each. Then everyone scattered. We had two hours to shop; then we would meet back at the "Santa's workshop" display.

Back in the car driving home, everyone was in high Christmas spirits, laughing and teasing each other with hints and clues about what they had bought. My younger daughter, Ginger, who was about eight years old, was unusually quiet. I noted she had only one small, flat bag with her after her shopping spree. I could see enough through the plastic bag to tell that she had bought candy bars - fifty-cent candy bars! I was so angry. What did you do with that twenty dollar bill I gave you? I wanted to yell at her, but I didn't say anything until we got home. I called her into my bedroom and closed the door, ready to be angry again when I asked her what she had done with the money. This is what she told me:

"I was looking around, thinking of what to buy, and I stopped to read the little cards on one of the Salvation Army's 'Giving Trees.' One of the cards was for a little girl, four years old, and all she wanted for Christmas was a doll with clothes and a hairbrush. So I took the card off the tree and bought the doll and hairbrush for her and took it to the Salvation Army booth.

"I only had enough money left to buy candy bars for us," Ginger continued. "But we have so much and she doesn't have anything."

I never felt so rich as I did that day.

By Kathleen Dixon,
A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul

Wow, I have a LiveJournal?

I remember when I first started this LJ. I have only one frined Mrurkel. After all these years, i racked three more. Wow! What do you gotta do to have a whole list of friends?! It's okay... I have a full list of four people. LOL! On Myspace, you can have 100 friends in an instant. but more than half of them are random people. I changed my layout. Just because I'm Bored. Finals are OVER! Good gracious, school is getting tough. . But I'll be fine. Seriously thinking about changing my major. I'm just not cut out to be a dentist. I'm changing it from Pre-Dental to Pre-Dental hygiene. It's not so different. At least I can work in a Dental office. Who knows what i will become later in life. I just want to be happy. Although failing at becoming a Dentist sure does sucks. But at least I know i tried. I'm just not good enough. Other than that. I'm Fine. I love my life anyway cause I'm still Happy. One negative thing won't bring my spirits down.
Happy Holidays Everyone!