Sunday, December 28, 2008

Time Flies

The only thing that never changes is change itself.

2009 is only a few days away?! Whew* Time sure does fly by. I'm so excited for the upcoming year. So many new things and Changes. My break flew by so fast. I wish it lasted longer. I'm enjoying this break so much! In a lesuirely fashion too. I want to prolong it as much as possible. Spending time with my loved ones during the holidays are the best!! And it snowed in New Orleans! It was great to have enjoyed the beautiful scene this December for the Holidays again. I love Christmas Break. I got so many things done too. Since school was over, I had time to go shopping, got a new phone, contacts, a haircut, and catch up on my dramas and even read the Twilight saga. LOL!! I missed reading for fun so much! I haven't done that since my freshman year of college. I guess towards the end.. the courses are easier. Next semester I'll be working mostly and I only have one course and a senior thesis. So excited to get out of school soon! Then I'll have more time to go to work and get Paid Moolaaa ha ha ha! Okay I guess that was a little much. Well... There's a list of to do things I want to get to after I graduate too. And I've been adding alot of things to it. We'll see how it plays out in a few months. As for deciding what I want to do after graduation. I think I will take the boards for RDCS. A clinical affliate of the school have a good offer, I just need to pass the boards. So I've been procrastinating on the RRT boards. "sigh*" is al I have to say about that. I'm still rethinking, if I take the RDCS boards.... why should I take the RRT?! I think I should though. Since I'm young and in study mode anyways. Right?! I don't know. Then there's continuing education. That is always an open door for me whenever I want it. But the money looks pretty good right now, and the economy is not looking to good so I might as well take my chances while there're still good. I guess I'm settling into a stable job. I want to look forward to a stable future too ya know. I want to save up alot for big things. And I'm still young so I have plenty of time. I doing a little identity searching too. I'm a little naive about adult decisions and adult life. I'm a kid at heart and I don't want to grow up. But I am. So I'm doing alot of reflection about my life and the things I want to do with it and future plans. Researching about cars and houses and other hobbies and businesses for later on in life. There's so much life after school. I want to be ready for the big world. I mean, There's SO MUCH to do after school. Where do I start?! Are the things I want in life possible? Can I still be myself or do I really need to grow up alot? I still have time to think about it. Here's to 2009! I'm looking forward to it!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Board Results

If at first you don't succeed,
pick yourself up and try again.
I had a feeling I didn't too well. Especially the case with the premature infant with IRDS. It was a bunch of 'Physician Disagrees'. I was so nervous to receive my results. When the lady looked at my scores, she made a sad face and said "I was so close... all I needed was one more point." FUX! And what do you know, my weakest area was that infant IRDS case. So I guess it is true, it only take one decision to change someone's life around. I probably killed that poor little baby in the simulation. Now I know, I'm not working anywhere near NICU's. I know I can pass it. So, I'll retake it. That's alot of money I'm wasting man. It was my first time anyways. SIGH... I was so depressed at first, and majorly mad because it was only one point away. But I have encouragements to continue and try again. I was on a roll with all these Boards though. It's okay.... I'm still a Board Certified Respiratory Therapist! I passed that board on the first try. And to take the Advanced Level Repiratory Therapist Board after three months was risky. But I passed the written part on my first try too!! I guess my high hopes got the best of me. And I was overly confident going into the Clinical Simulations. I thought I knew everything. But not enough. Damn that one point. **URGH** Now I know I need more time and be more focused. I did very well on information gathering though. But the Decision Making part was tough. I was one right decision away.. =(. And I have an exam on ECG's tomorrow too. I didn't even start studying for it this whole week because I was so focused on today's Boards. But I'm so sad to even think about exams. I think I should have waited til Christmas break to take it so I can focus on it more. Man, Why didn't I just wait til Christmas break to take it?!?!?! Sigh, having Boards in betweeen all these ridculously scheduled exams and Clinical Rotations is more than I can handle. I think people call it... Biting off more than I can chew. I feel like crying man. But I'm not. Just disappointed. At least I passed the written part. Okay, enough of that stupid board results. I'm moving on. I still have to pass this semester. Now I can focus on school again. I need to make up that C I made in Cardivascular Pathophysiology. I sacrificed an exam grade to study for Boards. I can't make a bad grade in ECG either. I have to keep my A in that class. Okay enough ranting. thanks for reading.... Until I have good news, I'll be back later.


I think the saddest part about today was when my mom found out I didn't pass; not when I found out I failed it. That's when my tears came today.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Procrastinating

I have a test tomorrow. A test that's 25% of my final grade of a course that's 6 credit hours. I'm so burnt out on school. It's just five more weeks until the end of this semester. By this time I'm getting real sick of studying like a monster. I haven't been studying for this test this whole week and usually I'm on top of things. Now I'm so stressed out because there's alot of material that I need to get started on right now. Shhh..... don't tell my teacher I haven't been studying. I also have my RRT written exam boards this Saturday and I haven't been studying hard. I do study for it, just not hard. =( I'm tired of school man. And what's worse is that I'm spending time writing this blog when I should be studying. I'm so distracted right now. I wish I had someone to encourage me to study. I'm not as motivated right now, maybe because there's so much I need to focus on and I lose my determination and motivation altogether. Especially during this time; near the end of the long haul. I can't give up. I must not. Okay. Hopefully, after I publish this blog, I will be studying.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Thinking

Today I started my first rotation of echocardio at University Hospital. Will this be something I want to do? Sure I can do it, but do I want to?! Hmmmm.... I've been trying to think about this for a while. And I think I still am. I'm not sure yet. We'll see how it will play out in a couple of more months. Anyways... I think I want to put in an application to start working. I can definitely use the money. That means, I'm really growing up. I'm actually becoming "who you want to be when you grow up." I had many dreams of who I wanted to be when I grow up and it was along the lines of somewhere in the medical field. And Yep. Here I am today doing just that. I knew I wanted to help people. But I didn't really know how to do that when I was younger. But as I grew up things happen in your life that shape who you are and I think it came along doing just that. It all started when my parents always wanted their kids to become doctors or something in the religious vocations. Like a priest and nun just like any typical Vietnamese parents desired. I was in the convent for a couple of years, but obviously it didn't work out. It just wasn't my calling. But it did guide me on my way to becoming who I truly meant to be. Being exposed to people through servicing and chairity really helped me ease into helping people openly and head on. I sometime amaze myself at the abilities I have indwelled in me. I don't know where it comes from but putting my foot forward and digging my hands into this kind of work is quite natural for me. I think I become more of myself in doing the work, as if God is working through me. So I hope I can wake up every morning wanting that feeling over and over again. To work with a smile with each person I encounter each day and keep up that energy to last for a while. I hope I keep my smiling face everyday. People kinda of like it. I feel like I'm needed and wanted there. I feel like I have a purpose in my life; a life with meaning and passion and that I'm doing something to better the world. I guess we all do our part in the world and this is mine and it is my time. I was the future of the world, and you know what.. I am the now of the world. It's such a good feeling! =) I'll leave that thought as my conclusion for this entry.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Another September

So, Lately I've been keeping up with school. And this semester is starting off on the right foot. Well, at least a better foot. I'm doing pretty well for all my first exams. Trying to pull up a 70 I made for Pathophys. That class is hard. Alot of critical thinking. Anyways, I just felt like I needed to update my journal every so often. So that's why I'm here blogging. I'm actually at school right now. And This is where I spend alot of my time in the day. Oh yeah, I gotta write down some of the things that happened this month. Hurricane Gustav came and we ran. It was a nice break from school and Vacation for me. I really needed it. Then I got into a little finder bender, a tow truck rolled back on my front bumper at a gas station. But he didn't claim liability so I'm on my own on that. but I learn a lesson from it. Get that nigga to take resposibility right then and there. make him put it down on paper. It was his fault and he knew but when it came down to it... People lie. I apologize for being a bitch now, but being nice didn't get me the nice end of the deal. So forget sympathy when you hit my car. Now, I'm driving around with holes, scratches, and dents on my car. =( Anyways, I'll be back next month. I gotta get back to school work.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Bottom of the Ocean

There's not a day that passes by without me thinking of you.
Except for the week I was away from New Orleans.
Doing the other thing I have a passion for.
I was engulfed in my work so much that I had no time to think of you.
I didn't realize it until I returned to the city.
It was then that I started to think of you again.
I knew what I will do one day.
Get away from you, this city.
And all its memories I had with you.
Keep persuing my dreams and live for my other passion in life.

I wish I can just dust you off easily.
But what we had wasn't easy to rid of.
As long as I don't care about it anymore,
I won't feel the pain as much.
Place my feelings for you off to a side.
Let time takes its course.
and let it all fade away.


"The biggest mistake you can make is to drift apart from someone that you once had the time of your life with."

Thursday, August 21, 2008

As of Right Now

It's very late right now. But I can't go to sleep. I mean. I really should go to sleep because I have class at 8 in the morning and I have to leave early to beat traffic and get a good parking spot. But I rather stay up and write. Since I have a blogger anyway and no one comes on here. I can feel free to write all that is on my mind. As of right now.

Hmmm... Where do I start? I have so much to do. I want to take a break from things. but if I do that.. I'll be more tired of trying to play catch up. So I'm really trying to stay on top of things. This semester is so freakin hard. Too much to do. And so Little money. My second board cost 340.00!!! Damn. And that's with a 50.00 discount for taking it within 60 day from the first board. I didn't schedule it yet. But I know I will have to do it before November. Plus, starting ECHO stuff is really hard. I'm so scared of the material covered. At first I wanted to work while going to school. But I don't see that happening at all. I might fall over and die if I work and go to school. I told my mom and dad and... they were very supportive. They told me not to work and just enjoy being a student. I Love them!!! But it's very bothersome to me to bum money off of them. But I can't help it. I will repay them double and more. What else is going on. My niece has a broken clavicle. It broke while passing through the birth canal. my family wants to love her and hold her, but she's so fragile. It's only been a week and a half. so we have to just give her some time to heal. I have my god daughter too in Lafayette coming to visit soon. Yippie. Lately, I've been thinking about moving there one day. They have a cardiovascular institution my grandma had to go to once. Well, all I know is that one day I will move away from New Orleans. As much as I love this City. I just rather be somewhere else. I might stay a few years after I graduate and get some experience. But when I find housing and a good work place, I will move there. Then I'll be looking to settle down and start a family. For now, I'm not interested in dating. I'm much happier being single. And I have some things I wanna do before settling down. I want to go traveling and it would be great if I can help people in that process. I'll be waiting for it to come up in the next year or maybe more. I just recently made connections to do that. Hopefully I will have that opportunity to go help people and travel around the world. But that means I can't be attach because I will move away for a long period of time and who knows where life takes me. So I can't guarantee anything. Especially a relationship or commitment with one person. So I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now. And of course my family would be happy for me as long as I'm happy. On the other hand, I'm looking to higher education. There's so many options. I'm so happy that I'm in this program because it has opened so many doors for me. I mean, going to college of course open many doors. but now, I have confidence to accomplish all the things behind these doors and it's all mines for the taking. Some of my classmates are applying for the new PA program coming up next year at LSUHSC new Orleans. I think I might do that also if my grades are good. But I'm also interested in perfusionist school too. I have the foundation for a successful career and believe anything is possible. Well, more possible than before. It used to be a doubting but hopeful feeling that there's a possibility of going to medical school. But now, I think my education here sets me up nicely for medical careers. I mean I wouldn't even think about perfusion school if I just graduated from UNO. My teacher told me that having a clinical background BS degree is not the same if I were to graduate from UNO majoring in biology/chemistry. Sure I can go to med school as many would after getting a BS, but there's many other options that are more appealing to me to obtain now after all this education. I feel very honorable to be in this program. hehe... And I was told to be honored the very first day I started in this program in our first class by the teachers. They themselves have graduated from this program and taught many students that came out to be outstanding people. I have hopes to be an outstanding person too. =)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Fall 2008

Welcome Baby Nia to the world!!!! As of August 12, 2008 at 12:56pm.

Also... some good news as of August 4, 2008.
I am a professional Certified Respiratory Therapist. LOL!!! I have a credential behind my name now. I didn't find out until my teacher annouced to the class of 09 & 10's that the whole senior class all passed the board. Still waiting in the mail for my results though. You know, we have a reputation to uphold. We have a 100% (yes!! 100%) passing rate on the first try for the CRT. Let's hope the junior class keep up the tradition.

Thank you Jesus and all who prayed for me.

In the next few weeks.. hopefully, I will pass my second boards and become a Registered Respiratory Therapist. This fall I am also starting my second credentialing in the program for Echocardiography. I can't believe the courses I have. It is listed below:

Fall 08:
Principles of Electrophysiology
Cardiovascular Pathophysiology
Ultrasound Physics and Instrumentation
Clinical Echocardiology and Echo Lab
Advanced Critical Care Conference

and after this one more semester Spring 09:
Senior Thesis
Specialized Field Experience
Special Topics on CPS

Sunday, August 3, 2008

The L Word

Why do people fall in love?



It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.
You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore that take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.


Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower. Take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.


When this happen to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is agift that just as freely, moves away. When they fall out oflove, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving,they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost ratherthan accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or try to get their love to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life, their love will grow.


They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.
You need to know this about love, and accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find yourself someone in love with you but you don't love him back, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with yourself. All our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it nor to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.
Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.


There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need.They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.


Remember this and keep it to your heart. Love has its time, its own season, its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.



BE GLAD THAT IT CAME TO LIVE FOR A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE...

"If you keep your heart open, it will come again..."

I loved you once, I'll love you forever.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Dear God

Hey there, it's been a while. I know. But I really need you. I don't think anything is possible unless I have you. And it's that time again. When something's come up. I hope you understand how important things are going along for me. I mean sure you do. So yeah, Where do I start. Well, if I'm blessed and this is what you want for me, and this is my calling for my life. To help other in this form of way. I hope I will be happy when it's true. Well, you already know I find happiness in anything I encounter in my life. So that's not too hard that I will be happy. But I really hope that my high hopes will not be shattered. I think that's what I'm more afraid of than anything. I'm a little nervous, but I know when the times comes, I can do it, I can get through it. But the anticipation of my outcomes is what I dread. What if I don't make it. I'm so worried. I know I'd tell myself to try again, But that's not half the hard part. So, I'm praying to face that feeling of disappointment. I'm not going to pray that I will pass, because that part is on my own. But IF, just IF, I don't pass it. I hope you help me overcome that feeling of failure. Or just help me avoid that miserable feeling.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Life Simple pleasures

There were many times throughout my life when I find moments of blissful happiness. It's not thing, a place or even people. They are feelings that comes from inside for just a moment and usually not even think about it when it happens. You just go along with that feeling until it dies away. I wish I can freeze that moment in time. When we think of these moments, you have this sense of peace and sometimes a longing and a bit nostalgic. I think I will call it "Life Simple Pleasures." Because you don't work hard for it; it just comes.



The feeling you get when a new born baby hold onto your index finger with its whole hand.

The feeling you get when a child runs up to you and grabs you by your legs and you lower yourself to hold onto them.

The feeling you get when you're swinging on a swing. Then you lean back and look up to the blue cloudy sky and swaying trees and feel the rush of it all with each thrilling fall and rise.

The feeling you get when you kiss the man that you like and his little spikey hairs on his face pokes and tickles you. Especially right by your nose near the upper lip.

The feeling you get when a secret admirer sends you something only they know you like secretly.

The feeling you get when you finally understand and appreciate what was taught to you by a wiser or older person. Especially parents or teachers.

The feeling you get when you blow out your candles and having that wishful moment when you're making a wish. The one you make with your heart.

The feeling you get when you're trying to think of a word that's on the tip of your tongue and finally figure out what it is!

The feeling you get when you want to laugh out real loud but you have to hold your breath, hold your nose, and close your mouth to keep from laughing.
And also the feeling when you burst out laughing.

The feeling you get when you open a letter from a friend you haven't seen for ages and then read their letter as it draws up memories.

The feeling you get when your phone rings and it's the one person you long for very much to call you.

The feeling you get when you have butterflies in your stomach and feel a natural high for anticipating an exciting date, performance, or speech. etc.

The feeling you get when you hear your daughters laughing with each other at night in the room next to you when you're trying to go to sleep when they come home to visit.



Be back more to add some when I can think of it
July 5, 2008

Thursday, June 26, 2008

June 2008

So, I've been busy lately. Keeping busy actually. I spend most my time in clinicals. If I'm not in clinicals than I'm sleeping. If I'm not doing either those two, then I'm spending time with my family. Especially my niece and nephew. And they're a handful. I'm also worried about my CRT Exam. I have not been studying as hard as I should. Am I too confident going into this test? Maybe so. But yeah. This will be a short and inclusive entry. I'll be back later to write more. I haven't had time to think things clearly and I have no idea what I want as ouput of my thoughts for now. So I need more time. Some reflection before I go in here and write my thoughts/feelings. I'm going through alot these days. So yeah. Until next entry. Peace.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Camp

Camp Pelican 2008
is an experience of a lifetime. I hope I can come back again.

Due to protection of underaged children in my photos.... without their parent's consent, I can't share their pictures.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Summer 2008

I'm excited for Clinicals this week!! =)

This week at University Hospital I'll be doing my intubation in the surgery department and ER rotations. I get to stand in for a few surgeries..... Some are open heart surgeries too!!! =) Guess what I get to do?! Inutbate and manage airways during the procedure (with a preceptor of course). I'm hoping to do as much intubations as I can. Once I get one intubation done I will move on to the next patient and so on. Depending on how many are scheduled of course. If there aren't many I get to stay back and watch a few surgeries. After all the surgeries are done, I head to the ER department and finish my day. =) I'm so excited. The only sad part is that it'll only be three days next week. I can't wait til I get my registered respiratory therapist license. I think I'm going to work here at University Hospital. But we'll see. I'm going to St. Tammany in Convington this summer. I hear it's a very nice hospital. Plus, I don't have to go through the Causway bridge cause I live in the east anyway. And also, I'll be going back to East Jefferson for Pulmonary Rehab for about a week also. I hope it'll be fun and not to boring. Oh yeah, I'll be at Tulane Hospital also for Neonatal ICU for about a week and do some more Pediatrics/ Neonatal ICU at Children's Hospital too. Full schedule for the Summer huh?! It'll be a very short summer since i'l be so busy.

It's only 10 weeks. AHHHHHH!!!!

It's my last semester of clinicals before I'll be practicing my license. Can you believe it?! I'm going to be an CRT! My first credentials behind my name. Possibly, I'll be adding more to it. I'm going to change that CRT into RRT. Then add a BS with it too!! Three credentials!! teehee.... But i'm just going to put RRT, BS. Yeah, I'm looking into some perfusionist schools after I graduate. Maybe I'll be moving out to Texas in a few years. There's a perfusion school over there. Or maybe I'll change my mind and specialize in something else. There's a possibility LSUHSC New Orleans will have a PA program for 2009 when I graduate. But there's very limited acceptance. So we'll see. I know that I want higher education, since I can do so much after I graduate. It's just.... I don't know what to do. So many choices and decisions to make.

*Big Breath* taking a step back. It's been a year. WOW!
Time sure flies..... update more later.

College has opened up alot of opportunities for me. Being in this program has changed my life. Because of it, there are endless opporunities for me to make a difference. When you get where you want to be, there's no other way but to keep on going Up. OMG, I'm growing up.

Sum08/Intubation

I'm excited for Clinicals this week!! =)


This week at University Hospital I'll be doing my intubation in the surgery department and ER rotations. I get to stand in for a few surgeries..... Some are open heart surgeries too!!! =) Guess what I get to do?! Inutbate and manage airways during the procedure (with a preceptor of course). I'm hoping to do as much intubations as I can. Once I get one intubation done I will move on to the next patient and so on. Depending on how many are scheduled of course. If there aren't many I get to stay back and watch a few surgeries. After all the surgeries are done, I head to the ER department and finish my day. =) I'm so excited. The only sad part is that it'll only be three days next week. I can't wait til I get my registered respiratory therapist license. I think I'm going to work here at University Hospital. But we'll see. I'm going to St. Tammany in Convington this summer. I hear it's a very nice hospital. Plus, I don't have to go through the Causway bridge cause I live in the east anyway. And also, I'll be going back to East Jefferson for Pulmonary Rehab for about a week also. I hope it'll be fun and not to boring. Oh yeah, I'll be at Tulane Hospital also for Neonatal ICU for about a week and do some more Pediatrics/ Neonatal ICU at Children's Hospital too. Full schedule for the Summer huh?! It'll be a very short summer since i'l be so busy.


It's only 10 weeks. AHHHHHH!!!!


It's my last semester of clinicals before I'll be practicing my license. Can you believe it?! I'm going to be an CRT! My first credentials behind my name. Possibly, I'll be adding more to it. I'm going to change that CRT into RRT. Then add a BS with it too!! Three credentials!! teehee.... But i'm just going to put RRT, BS. Yeah, I'm looking into some perfusionist schools after I graduate. Maybe I'll be moving out to Texas in a few years. There's a perfusion school over there. Or maybe I'll change my mind and specialize in something else. There's a possibility LSUHSC New Orleans will have a PA program for 2009 when I graduate. But there's very limited acceptance. So we'll see. I know that I want higher education, since I can do so much after I graduate. It's just.... I don't know what to do. So many choices and decisions to make.


*Big Breath* taking a step back. It's been a year. WOW!
Time sure flies..... update more later.


College has opened up alot of opportunities for me. Being in this program has changed my life. Because of it, there are endless opporunities for me to make a difference. When you get where you want to be, there's no other way but to keep on going Up. OMG, I'm growing up.  


What's Intubation?! Here's a Video on it.




Monday, May 19, 2008

It's About Time

So, It took me a while. But I'm doing it. I'm deleting alot of my past relationship memoirs away. I'm not going to look at it. I'm just going rid of it all. I think I'm ready now. I'm going to be who I was before being with him again. Back to where I started I guess, very comfortable and not a care in the world. Just need to take care of myself and be happy. It's going to take me a while to finish getting rid of it all because so much of him has taken its place all around my room. I mean my life. So It's hard but I need to do it. I really NEED to. Maybe it'll make things easier for me, yeah. Let's see how it goes. I hope getting rid of all my past help me move forward even further away from him. and away from my past. Yeah. I took off his phone number form my phone months ago. and now I started with all my emails in my inboxes and sent messages. I need to take out all the pictures of him in all my albums and journals. I need to get rid of that picture album box he got me. And I think I'll send back that scrapbook like I say I would. You know what? I'll just throw it away. If he finds out I'm getting rid of his stuff. It'll hurt me too. So I'm just going to do it, No regrets. Just do it!!!! I don't need to keep my words to him anymore. I'm going to keep my First Love online journal though. I like it. So i'm goign to keep it. But all the more recent things I need to rid of it. All my saved messages and pictures off my computer. I need more space for new stuff.

Wow, I can't believe the more I delete stuff of him, the lighter it feels. A big relief, Like something heavy has lifted off my shoulders. I kinda feel better!! =) I'm going to continue this. And as time passes and I dont' notice things about him anymore, Things will naturally be okay again.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Sunday, April 27, 2008

April Update

Well, I want to keep up with this journal at least one entry every month. Just because I think it's cool to see on the side bar of the dates that I have an entry for. SO... I just started the process to take my board exam. I had to do this "Fingerprint" thing for a background check that the LA medical examination board must do. It was my first time ever getting my fingerprints recorded. So, yeah. It was an experience. If i ever get arrested, I would have to go through that again. LOL. Hopefully I won't have that experience again. So this process to apply and take the board takes alot of time and money.>_< But it's okay. considering how much I will make after I get it all done. =) I can't wait, just a couple of more months. I can't beleive it's been a year. and I've learned alot. Almost enough to be able to be ready to take that board. We only have this summer to go through. We're going to do more clinical hours and do a more wider range of rotations. Well, the one that really counts. Like intubation and intensive care. Some of the student are even going as far as Washington D.C. to work. I don't think I will go that far. Not yet anyways. I think Convington is the farthest I will go. Yeah. I'm doing a rotation at St. Tamany's this summer. Man, the price of gas !! >_< And then we're also doing NICU at Children's. This semester rotations are fun. I met this HOT phillipine guy that graduated in the same program as I at West Jeff. WooHOo... It was my motivation to wake up extra early in the morning and drive over to the west bank just to look at that man. Damn. I just like looking at him, nothing more. He's a cool guy. Very laid back and taught me a thing a two about the new ventilator the hospital used. He can speak vietnamese too! he says he has alot of viet friends. I really believed him when he told me di an (go eat) for lunch time. LOL. I hope I get to go back there one day.

Oh, I almost forgot. I applied to go to Camp Pelican. There's a mandatory meeting in May during my break that I'm going to. I hope I got accepted to be a member. What is Camp Pelican? Well, student RT's go to play with kids that has ventilator dependency. So, we'll help them do regular kid things that they normally can't do because the ventilator is too big. And it's a Plus to meet new friends who are just like them and they don't have their parents around. I think these kids will teach me a thing or two on how to take care of them if anything happens. Of course there will be cleaning and changing their trachs daily. They will be so occupied on having fun they might forget they're trached. If they want to go in the pool, then we'd be next to them. Simple?! Not really. It's important that they don't drown, but also to breathe even if they're on a floaty high above the water. Since they won't have their ventilator connected to them, we're responsible to be their human ventilator. Yes, bagging them! Suction them if things starts to build up and just keep them in check with all their vitals. All day and all night for one week! Isnt' cool?! I'm going to be their personal caretaker for one week. I'm not sure if I will get two or three kids, do we switch around with kids or get the same kids over and over. I'll find out soon.
I'm supposed to do a case study report right now. But I'm taking a break and write a little. I chose a 1 year old baby who has alot of birth defects. He has holes in his heart. Yes, litereally he does. So all the bllod that pumping out of his heart is not being oxygenated well. The major ones he has is called Pentalogy of Fallot, DORV (double outlet of right ventricle), VSD (ventricular septal defect). He also have non-related heart problems. One is where all his stomach contents from liver & large/small intestines are protruded out of his body through the umbilical AKA omphalocele. Another is Diaphragmatic hernia where some of his intestines are mislocated in his thoracic cavity through an opening of his diaphragm. Okay. All these are not correct medically defined because I'm trying to describce it myself without looking for it in my book. I actually had a look at his stomach to see what it looks like in real life. But he had a cast over his stomach. He just looks like a pregnant baby. I just have finals until this semester is over. This week is a big week for me. And it'll get a little better next week. And then the semester is over. It's been a year since I've been in this program. Wow. I guess I can write more on my next entry next month. Then, it'll really be one year. Also, I want to write about my first experience in a coding situation. With the persistent high-stress this program has, I'm getting real used to it all. I'm taking it easy man.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Ahh!! Crazy

I couldn't wait to get home tonight to wirte in my journal about a significant moment in my life.


I think I saved a life today.
You know that feeling rushing through your veins?! Adrenaline kicking in!! Like you're nervouse and calm at the same time. You're shaking but yet still inside. Makes my life seems worthwhile.


A million things running across your mind:



Do your job Van, do your job!! Ahhh... my fricking hands are so small.. I can't even bag 'em. The freaking mask is so big... it's okay Van, it's okay... just bag against the arm... bag against the arm. Okay.. Okay... Yay!!! He got the tube in. COUGH!! COUGH!!! Whoa, thick mucus. watch out for flying noogies. Dodge this way, dodge that way. Suction that crap. Nasty yellow stuff!! Bagging with both hands now. Taped the tube in place. Secured. Whew* The hard part is done. Just chilling.. Bagging and chilling. Getting tired... Yay! The vent is here. Whoa, whoa... What's going on?! Am I shaking?! Why they twitching? Whoa. It's like crazy!! (While my preceptor and I connect the Vent real quick onto the tube.) Nurse: Look look (pointing) Seizure. get some drugs!! Me: WOW!!! Really.. let me get out the way. OH... It's happening on one side of the body. So this is what a seizure looks like. The EKG is Crazy!! Hmmmm... Oh.. VT signals! Hit the lights. Lights off. Checking out the eyes. Pinpoint pupils. Hey, I studied that!! cool! Whoa... Seizure on both sides now. Very classic sings. Seizure stopped. Preceptor handed me the ABG kit. Whoa. Me?! Really?! =) OK! I got my setup here. I feel the pulse. Here I go. Big Stick. Yeah.. Yeah... I think I got it... Yay!! Red Flash!! I got it! Blood!! Yay! Oh wait.... I think they starting to siezure again! WTF?!!?! I need a little more blood. shit. I lost it. Preceptor: That's enough to analyze. Me: OK! =) Results: Acidotic. High CO2 levels... which is expected. Increase Rate. Decrease FiO2. alrighty. Be back in thirty minutes to do another one. Okay Lunch Time!


My first experience in a coding situation. **Patient's identity protected.** These are just some of my random thoughts that ran across my mind at that time. There's a first for everything!!! and this moment here made its impression in my life. It's amazing how much you can change in a year. I can't believe it! This time last year, I just found out I got accepted into the cardiopulmonary program. and one year later. I'm at the bedside helping to save a life. Wow, it's an honor working with these people and learning from them. Okay it's late. I had a long day. Gotta get up for another. Goodnight

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Science Vs. Religion

A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, "Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

The student remains silent.

"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er...yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From God"

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes."

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes."

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No sir, there isn't."

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees."

"Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word."

"In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought."

"It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir."

"So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

This students statements are true, can you or can you not make night darker?

Is it possible for it to get colder after absolute zero -458 degree's F.

Can you feel,taste,see,hear,or smell your brain?

If you support this students statements than repost.

God in heaven won't mind if you do or don't.

No you won't go to hell.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Real Entry

So It's been a while since I had time to sit down and write out some thoughts in my mind. I really shouldn't be sitting here doing this right now since I have a test tomorrow morning and it's like almost 1:00am. Well, I can't focus anyway. So I might as well not study anymore. I did a little studying today. I've also been very busy. This past week I went to Baton Rouge back and forth for a Respiratory Care annual Convention with my school. It was fun hanging out with them since we're always studying. It was a nice change for the students and teacher to chill out and have some fun but also at the same time still do things that are Respiratory Care related. LOL. It was a bunch of Nerds getting together and have some fun our own way. We had a Sputum Bowl. Where teams from different school compete against each other answering trivia question about Repsiratory Care and Win. If we win we get money and a paid trip to Anaheim, CA (this year) to compete with other states. Friday I drove to Slidell and did a little shopping and got a dress for my niece baptism. And then watched Stop-Loss. Not as interesting as I thought it would be.. but still okay. Saturday, my sister gave birth to my new niece named Kayla at 8:30ish. I was at work that morning when I found out and left right after work at 2 to go see her. I drove two hours to see the new baby. I'm also the godmother. Oh yeah, I told my boss to take me off the schedule for good because I can't handle work and school anymore. So, yeah I quit. Then that night when I came home, my other sister who is also pregnant went to the ER and I drove out to that hospital too. This morning we found out she had Kidney stones for holding her urine too long. Pregnant women pee more often, I guess she wanted to be super pregnant woman. But she's okay, she's able to excrete fine. They're keeping her until she fully recover. School is okay. Hanging in there. Need to really focus on studying as hard as I can. Apply to go to Camp Pelican. More on that later. Thinking about working as a respiratory care stock person at a hospital for extra money and also learning equipment. Should I? or shouldn't I? take care of some family errands. Oh yeah, I did my taxes. I got a refund! Splurged on a nice dinner at Gimchi Korean resturant with my sister and a close friend for easter. It was worth it. =) and i also got two dresses. One for baptism, and one for a night out with some girls at a club or bar. Whichever I feel like going for stress relief from school. Saving up for a trip. But Have no idea where to, since i only have ten days of summer break. An old friend from Seattle is coming to Houston. I might go there. But What I long for is a trip to the beach. It's a vacation I must devour. Okay. It's a lil passed 1:10am now. The End.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter!

I hope everyone had a nice spring break and Happy Easter!



Sunday, March 16, 2008

This Is Life

Expect The Unexpected

The more you don't want it to happen.
The more likely it will happen.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Only One

(12.12.07)
So Deep, So Dark, Secret of a girl's heart.

Imperfect, these eyes.
Touched, not light, its dark.
A point, no return, closed in traveling tunnel.
Blinded pathway, back and forth I go.
The rooster crowed.
Come, my voice, unspoken.
Bitter, sour, endured.
Darken my eye, running circles.
Lost feeble mind, eye, love.
Weak shot ankle, broken horse leg.
A little too late, little left to survive.
Unforgivable curses kill.
Curse of curiosity killed a cat.
Impure dreams, innocence stiffened.
Sleep in darkness, asleep sound.
Pounding heart thump thump thump.
Deep breaths, traveling heart.
Dying dead soul.
Bury in her grave, a secret heart.
Of a dark December.
and only, first, silent promise.
No crack, other leak tell tales.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Vlogging Duex

Finally huh?!  It took me so long to edit this vlog. It was so long. I had to cut out alot of things. But it was fun making it! I think vlogging is cool and editing it is fun too! It's kinda like one of my hobbies now. But only when I have time for it. I just noticed when I talk to the camera about something I'm studying, and do a playback of myself talking about it, helps me study! Yeah... and also, compared to my first Vlog, I was really shy in front of the camera. But once you get into it; it gets better and you feel more comfortable. So, I really encourage people to try it. Dat008 did one too!! Visit his site at www.xanga.com/Dat008  and leave a comment and encourage him to do more!! =) 




I love picking out songs for my vlogs. Here's a list of the songs I used in this Vlog.

Jem- Maybe I'm Amazed
Ingrid Michaelson- The Way I Am
"A Moment To Remember" - Movie Theme Song
Alicia Keys - Like You'll Never See Me Again
Shayne Ward - No You Hang Up
David Choi - If You Were Here, I'd Be Ok
Flo Rida - Low


End of Video: Yes, that's my whole class. Eight students. We were so stressed out from all the tests we had that week. Remember from my first vlog?
And check out my channel on youtube www.youtube.com/swttuyetvan

Saturday, February 16, 2008

New Outlook

THE BEGINNING FOR ANYTHING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Bday Vlog

Just a quick vlog. I'll have a full vlog up later when I finish editing it.  But for now a raw unedited vlog about the morning of my bday. No music. no intro and no ending.





My hair is alot and big huh?! It's very volumized today. And why do I keep looking back to the left?! there's a clock on the wall... and I keep looking at it. I didn't want to be late.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Vlogging

new way to blog.




Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Hopeful 2008

 Just a few more days til I hit my scary age. 23. eww. I'm old. How is it a scary age?! because there's no turning back from here. I'm officially never going to be young again. Physiologically, your peak age is 20 and from there, you start to degenrate. Really... according to Dr.Levitsky (my pulmonary professor). Your body stops developing at the average age of 18. Kids are growing at a faster rate than young adults and they gradually hit a plateau... during the early 20's. I'm thinking 21 and 22 is the best age I'll ever be. But now.... I'm 23. OMG!! 23!!! I'll never be 21 or 22 again. My life better start rigth now or else! But I'm still in the process ya know?! Feel like I'm behind and better get my act together or else! I feel like looking for something new in my life. A change. I want to travel the world see new places and meet new people.


EDIT:  New way to Blog!! By Video. So this is my first attempt at a vlog. (short for video blog)


I did it at night time in my room. It was so quiet since everyone's sleeping. I'll make a better Vlog next time. I will speak clearly and loudly!! and Edit the video better. And include bloopers too for humor. In time, I will get better at it like other people are. I'm just breaking into something different. I'll just have a blast with it ya know... even though I know i suck at it! LOL!



Saturday, January 5, 2008

Lost Soul

I don't know where to start. but I know gotta start somewhere, somehow. I really want this, but I can't find it in my heart yet and actually pull through. Everytime I get near it or given a chance to renew my life, I pull away. I need to get over myself and accept it. I know I can get him back in my life. From time to time I can feel him when I try to talk to him. But then I become overwhelmed with passion and much guilt and sadness. Maybe it's because of his strong love for me that kills me. And because I'm a sinner. I want forgivness, and I know he will give it to me, but I need to forgive myself first. I can't come to that point yet. But I do want to, at least try to. I just don't feel like I want to yet. I was at the door to confess for absolution, but I left it. I wasn't ready. I didn't want to go in and bust out a lie. I can't lie to myself and especially to God. So one day, I will find the courage to relive my life again. Live my life as I did before. Before I got lost.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

A Material Girl

F*ck that... I shouldn't have to explain myself to haters (in this case jealous people) because I really don't give a damn about them. but I need to get something off my chest.

So, okay I might came off as a materilistic person, but I can really do fine without them. I don't have alot, really... I don't. So, I don't understand why people look down on me because I have some of these nice things for myself. I don't go around telling people what I have, if you see that I have it, than what more do you need to know? I don't go showing it off to people to prove to them what I'm made out of. If I do show it off... Which I do to my close friends and relatives sometimes, who knows I'm not materialistic. They probably just think I'm silly for even making a big deal out of it but yet still happy for me. The reason why I make a big deal out of it is.... I don't have much, and when I do have something... it makes me appreciate it more. It somewhat makes me feel a little bit better about myself. Sad Huh?! It's probably because of the people who has more than me seem happier. It's sad but somewhat true. That's why I don't go showing off to people making them want to have it too. Material things isn't the definition of happiness. And so, having alot of material things doesn't make you a materialistic person. It's not the actual material things that make you the person you are; it's the feeling you give yourself with those things. I know these material things doesn't make the person I am. I'm what makes myself. These things doesn't make me more of a person, but it doesn't make me less of what I am either. Just because I have these things doesn't mean I'm materialistic.

Those who make fun of people like me with nice things are just jealous and need to make themselves feel better by calling me materialistic. If you have self-esteem problems, don't take it off on others. Just because my lifestyle isn't the same as yours, doesn't give you the right to say your lifestyle is better. It may better for you in different reasons, like having a non-flambouyant lifestyle and being happy simply comes from simple little things. And I understand, because it does for me too! But don't go smashing down my lifestyle because it has extra stuff yours doesn't because you think is has too much unneccessary things to you. I mean I agree it's unneccessary, but if you get the chance to have it, why not?! I don't want to deprive myself from it. It doesn't change who I am. Having big houses and vaults full of diamonds and gold doesn't make me a better person than you. It's really what you do with it. I don't use it to put others down to make myself feel better. So, please don't judge me by my stuff and put me down for having it. By the way, I'm not materialistic. There are others who have more things than me. But I'm not complaining. I appreciate the things I have. I bet they do too.

For those who doesn't have much, I bet you appreciate all that you have too. I mean, honestly, I don't have alot of expensive nice quality name brand things. But even If I did, it doesn't change who I am. I'm not into people who have expensive things and think they're all that. There are other people who are filthy rich, but are more down to earth than you think. Bottomline: Even though I have some expensive things, it still doesn't define me as the person I really am. So back off bitch, call me materialistic all you want. but I know what I am and I'm not materialistic. If you more concerned about the material things I have, you're more materialistic than me.


So eat sh!t and die. Just kidding. Happy New Years!

Materialistic people:
People who have alot and show it off and putting others down for not having it.
People who don't have alot and putting others down for having it.

Non-Materialistic people:
People who appreciate all that they have, A lot or A little.