Places

I didn't want to lie to Tien about trying that Siamese Thai restuarant by TJmaxx. It was a coincidence that we both shared that places with our former boyfriends. How is she cool about going back there and I'm not? One day I will go back to all the places I've been trying to avoid. I will dedicate a whole day going to those places and just spend time thinking about it. Just because... I don't know. Sigh, I'm pathetic. I guess I'm not really over him. Tien is over Hung, why am I still hung up on Liem? I should be able to go to the places where we used to eat and be fine right? I don't know. I don't want to feel sad because I know memories will come up if or when I do go back to those places. I just think about how things would be if we were still together and it hurts. I hate to tear up and have that heavy feeling inside my heart bearing down with so much pressure. I feel my mistakes are living in the present moment all over again. I hate that feeling of sadness. It's overwhelming and pretty much pathetic!! I haven't been back to Puccino's on Severn ever since that night or Kanno's or Bonnabel Boat Launch or Lakefront and many other places. I try to avoid going to our places and think of new places to go instead. Like Equator instead of Siamese, Puccino's on Veterans instead of Severn, Borders on St. Charles instead of Causeway. Of course there are places I still go to like Barnes & Nobles and Little Tokyo just because I love those places. But if I can avoid a place we shared, I would. Sigh, there's so many places too. On my birthday, Ton suggested to go to the Lakefront to hangout, but I quickly suggested to stay by the Riverwalk instead. I can't bear to imagine to be alone with another guy at the Lakefront. I don't want to ruin my memories there with Liem. So we just drove around downtown that night and stayed near the Riverwalk. I want to keep that place and its memories to just one person. But I didn't tell Ton that. I'm up for new memories at new places and new experiences, but I want to protect and cherish my past ones with my first love. It'll be with me forever and I want to keep them special because they were.