Snogged

I kissed Ton and we made out. And it was very good. The best for me actually. It's a little too good to be true. But he's definitely a good kisser. Which is bad because it's very tempting. But I can still control myself. Maybe because I'm not in love with him so it's easier to control. But for him on the other hand, it's totally opposite. Guys are animals. *sigh* he's done it twice already. And I feel like I'm just another girl to him. But he surely do know how to make a girl feel good. But he's so nasty it's a little disturbing. Am I crazy?! Maybe. Can I sit here and over think a few things? I guess that's what this blog is for right. I can't believe I kissed him. I guess I really miss being with a guy. I love kissing and cuddling. At some moments, I think it feel just right when we're wrapped in each other's arms. But sometimes I feel it's too forced. And I think we're so incompatible in so many ways; I don't think it'll work. But I have to try. I guess I'm doing that. I want to see how it is to really try. You never know I might just love him to death. We've been friends for so long and he says stuff that's on his mind. Even things that's a turnoff like his obscene sex advances but he's being himself. It's nothing new to me. At least he lets me know what's he's thinking of. Which kind of pressures me into it. He might not know it, but when he says those things and I'm thinking of it too. Ahhh!! It's just so easy to fall into my sexually urges. It's bad I know. I feel embarassed and scared and nervous about it. I'm totally not ready, and I made that clear and he understands. I feel so bad cause I left him hanging there hard and all. I don't think we'll be making out for a while to avoid that situation. Sigh, it'll be really sad when I tell him that. But I like him holding me to sleep and cuddling with me. I think he likes it too. Sigh* that's enough for now, how much more can I write about making out right? It was fun. I want to do it again.... but I'm scared it might lead to other things. And I don't want to have sex before marriage. Oh, and I texted Tien about it.