Somedays you're strong, but there are days when you hurt like hell and want to die. Best thing to that feeling is crying so much I can drown in my tears. I think I love to feel heartbroken. It makes me feel better for breaking up with my boyfriend. And I need this pain to punish myself for what I did. I am to blame for all my shortcomings. People make mistakes, and people learn from them. I'm one of those who learn things the hard way. And I must deal with the consequences. I hate myself so much right now. I'm so hurt. I told myself I won't let him hurt me anymore. But it's hurting me so badly. Oh, my heartaches so much. Like this heavy heart that wants to shed its own tears. When I think about him and how sad he must be, that even hurts more. I love him so much. how can I go on like this. How will he go on. I need him so much. I need him to hold on to me tight as possible and tell me he loves me. I knwo I can only block this sadness feeling for so long. I know this will come and haunt me one day or later. So I'm going to cry so bad that I will have the puffiest eyes ever. and Who cares. I can use stressing out for finals as a good excuse. I'm so sad. It's unbearable. It harder to breath when this pain lingers on for a long time in your throat. Shit Fuck Fuck FUck... it hurts. my nose is so stuffy I can sneeze up a storm. I have snot everywhere on my pillows. how am I even typing this?? I don't know. I'm so sad it's crazy. If he's not thinking about me, it's sad, if he is thinking about me, it's also sad. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like dying. I want to die right now. I'm so depressed. I know I sound crazy right now, but i need to let it all out as much as possible. Fuck!!! I hate this feeling. I knew it. I knew it. I shouldn't have never started this relationship again. It hurts so damn much when we break up. Fuck! Liem, I love you so much. It hurts like hell. Someone just kill me already. Maybe if i stop breathing through my mouth cause my nose is so stuffed up and can stop breathing. That won't happen, my brain will just tell me to breath again.
Okay, I'm Okay. *sigh* I'm so sorry for everything. Can't we just kiss and make up? It'll make all things better. I'm so sad right now. I don't know what to do either. I'm so heartbroken. I don't trust mysef anymore. everything I do is wrong. It's one mistake to the next and to the next. How can I do this again?! This is going to take me years. Possibly never.
