Second Love

With the same person as my first. There's only one great love in one's person's life. I think I'm done with it. I'm moving on. He doesn't want me. and I don't want him either. I thought I was simple enough, but I guess my enough doesn't cut for him either. I know He loves me though, and would never cheat on me. I know he has my best interest at heart. But I need a man, who think for himself too. I want him to want to do things for me, not because I want him to. I don't want to control his feelings. I can't... then I'd be lying to myself. I need him to show me his feelings, because he has it deep down inside, not because I bring it out of him. Because I want him to be happy, to see for himself that he's capable of such things. Being a man, being in love, and being happy. I'm sorry he never felt that way with me. I really can't help it. I'm sorry I wasted all his time when he could have found that person to do such things with. I'm sorry that he wasted any feelings for me. I'm sorry I had to put him through what I did at the end. to test him. I just really needed to know if he loves me. And I'm sorry he doesn't. Even though he says he does feel it, but I guess it's not strong enough to stay with me, be with me, and love me. I don't know how he feels. I really can't feel it. There's no spark, or fire, or the oompf that was there before. I need to know he's with me. So i can be sure, I'm not standing alone. But I am alone. I feel sad about it, but at least I know for sure, I have to move on if he's not with me. If he still has feelings for me. He better be man enough to show it. I don't want him to hide it, thinking that's it the best for me. I don't want him to give it up, thinking it's the best for me. I don't want him to let me go, thinking it's the best for me. If I know my man knows what is best for him. I'd feel confident about being in the relationship with him. If he knows that I'm what's best for him, than he knows what I'm worth. and yes, I know I'm worth it baby! He gave me the best break up too. well, our last talk was the saddest, but sweet also. Bittersweetness Breakup. we had our last talk. even if we try to work things out, he doesn't want to anymore, it's too hard. He said it's too impaired to be fixed. I'm not worth it to him. But our relationship meant so much to me. But If i do reall ylove him, I'd have to let him go. I couldn't walk away from him, leaving as he look at me walk away. Because I really don't want to do that. I told him to go to the bathroom so that I can leave. I just couldn't stand the thought of me walking out of his life. So we both left out there together. It was the last time he's going to treat me to puccinno's. last time holding the door for me, and walking me to my car. I was stillgetting to knwo him, and he was still getting to know at that moment. Yeah, we learn about each other during our break up too. I know what he wanted. I kind of knew I wasn't right for him either, but I also knew he loves me. He a very simple nice guy. but sometimes an asshole too. it was great having a relationship with him. He'll get better at it too. Sucks for me, because I did most of the owrk for the next girl... who'll profit more than I would. I wish I can still be friends with him. He's such a great guy. I'm sorry to be selfish, but I do want him all to myself. But the best thing is to let him go now. I telll myself that everyday. I need to know I'm not making a mistake, or at least this is the only thing, or the best thing i can do right now, for the both of us. It'll just be heartache and sadness if we stayed together.